Addiction: really weird brain stuff

[CaNz]

So, I would like to begin by saying I am sorry. I probably minimally disappointed many people, and majorly disappointed a few good friends when I stopped visiting this site. I got a few calls, texts, PMs, and IMs from some of you, encouraging me to stay in touch... but I ignored them for the most part. I responded, but I distanced myself. The fact is, I got addicted to something. I only just realized this week how addicted I was. This is no excuse for being a bad friend, but try to understand none of it was intentional. I didn't know it could be addictive, and other than consuming my free time, it seemed harmless... but it wasn't.

 

I lost a lot of things due to the addiction. money from theoretical work I could have done, personal growth I may have achieved, and pretty much any bad thing that happens when you waste time. I do think the worst thing I did was abandon you guys. I stayed in touch with my RL friends because it was easy, and some shared my habit, though none to my level of addiction. I did gain things through it, but not enough to justify the cost.

 

I have beat around the bush pretty well. If you know me, you know my addiction wasn't drugs. I never did them before, and other than the occasional beer or wine, I hardly drank. Cigarettes fall into the same category as drugs, and most things like exercise and gambling don't take up enough time to prevent visiting 0B and The0. Frankly, if people knew what I was addicted to, they'd have told me to stop... but it was a sneaky, hard to fault addiction at first. I became addicted to League of Legends.

 

I probably just made a lot of people bust out laughing, or made people mad because they were genuinely concerned. I am not lying though. The game has a very high skill cap, competitive and robust player community, and the games last 40 minutes generally, more so if you include the 5 minutes to start a game. I played every day, sometimes all day long. This should start sounding like WoW addiction at this point, and it was just like that. Unfortunately I didn't know the risks like I did with MMORPGS. It didn't destroy my life, but it made me far less productive, and had less time for my friends and family. I even made the choice to play the game over going to this site or The0 chat. I clearly remember talking to Molly, and when she asked me why I wasn't around, I said something like, I spent a lot of time on The0, and it just isn't as enjoyable as my new game. That was probably a red flag. If I said I just wanna spend more time tripping on peyote she'd have said something, but games are supposed to be fun, and good, and playing them a lot is a sign of a great game.

 

I can see why no one was concerned. I didn't even know I was doing something wrong. How did I break the addiction? I broke my computer, and I am saving money to buy a new, really good one. So far its been three months. I had a few monetary hiccups, so my shiny new computer project is taking longer than I anticipated. I still can browse the internet on my 3ds or xbox, play games, use email... but I can't play LoL anymore, or not easily at least. the first few weeks I would sneak in to my roommates room when he was at work and play a game to keep my ranked score from declining too much, removing the logo from the start menu, and returning the room to its previous condition. I forgot the start menu thing a few times, so I am sure he found out [actually he probably knew I was addicted before I did, and like a typical guy he never voiced his concern]

 

After spending two and a half years playing the game, making multiple accounts, and joining competitive teams, where I'd spend hours working on game, mechanics, I lost a lot of time. I now am following current events and politics again, researching things on the internet again [mostly science channels on youtube, but not exclusively] I am cooking more, spending more time with friends, exploring media I was neglecting [like anime] and in general doing better as a human.

 

Why I got addicted is kind of still a mystery. lots of games I play are fun. I have 600 hours on pokemon X, but I don't feel addicted, and it was easy to stop playing. I feel like it has to do with the competition involved. Winning feels great. I would bask in the glory of a good win, and that is what made the difference. The game length also played a part, winning rock paper scissors is fun and intense at times, but its done in a minute, and achieving victory and defeat that quickly lowers the worth over time. no one wants to play that all day. The game was also reaaally good. complex and customisable... just the way I like my games

 

. Anyways, feel free to comment here about the topic. We can talk about my addiction, or any addiction you have dealt with. You can also call me a jerk, since I totally deserve it for leaving like I did. Once again, I am truly sorry.

Edited January 31, 2015 by CaNz

[Boo]

I thought you were going to say porn, but yeah, LoL is more PG. I know some people basically bordering addiciton on DOTA2 which is more or less the same game to me. What made you come back so quickly - just days after futer got banned or deleted or something from OB?

[CaNz]

My addiction to porn has never been crippling, so I didn't feel it was worth mentioning. I am still pretty neutral to the futer thing. Being teased can get old, but the joke kinda became bigger than just me.

 

The reason I came back was because of the massive whole left in my free time once I couldn't play anymore. It still took a good three months for me to come back here.

 

As for your friends you may wanna talk with them about it. I was playing on average 3-4 hours every day, but they could still be hooked but have less free time than I did. I think the best method would be a test. tell them not to play for just one month.

[Allamorph]

I think the best method would be a test. Tell them not to play for just one month.

Truth has been dropped in this house tonight. He who hath an ear, let him hear.

You said that it's been three or four months since you couldn't play. What does that mean for you once you have the option to play it once more?

[CaNz]

I do still think the game is fun, but I am never going back to playing like before. Maybe I will hop on with friends from time to time, but once your eyes are open, its impossible to close them again.

 

My case isn't a baseline, but no one was telling me I was doing something wrong... so I basicly had a solo intervention... put forth by my computer and my recently opened mind. I think it would be quicker with help.

 

The game itself isn't too addictive, so playing a game or two is far different compared to drugs. The issue comes from letting it shape your lifestyle... and it can only do that if you are unaware of how it effects you.

[Yu-Gi-Omg]

I'm glad you had the strength to pull yourself out. :) Not everybody does; or even the wisdom to realise the strength is needed. If that makes sense. XD

[CaNz]

I honestly don't know if I would have shaken the habit if my computer didn't die. That first step in AA where people have to admit they are addicted isn't there to make them look bad. It helps them realise that they are addicted, so they can change. I never knew in the first place.

[Boo]

My addiction to porn has never been crippling, so I didn't feel it was worth mentioning.

 

[Lyndy]

I used to be addicted to playing Dota 2. 5000 hours or so. But I haven't played any for a few months because my internet is too bad to play it anymore. :V Now I'm addicted to doing nothing at all and/or sleeping!

Boo's addiction to porn is kinda bad. He sent me porn one day. He just had to share it for some reason.

[CaNz]

Your dota story seems similar to mine, though I assume you had better self control and paid attention to your friends once in a while.

 

porn addiction could probably be its own topic, since I think peoples opinions on it vary. Some think its gross and immature, others think of it as neutral and generaly harmless and people like me see it as a good thing. I personaly hate thinking like a pervert, especialy towards strangers. If I use porn, I can clear my mind and speak like a normal person.