SpiritOfKorra

I appreciate your honesty and tips. I'll take them to heart and do my best to achieve greatness. I'm the type of person who likes to have things done as soon as I get the ideas down. I need to teach myself patience. I knew in my heart that I needed to take more time with this. It's funny, because this idea came from when I was telling a short story to my younger brothers. I enjoyed where I was going with it and decided to make it a novel. I hope I can stay in contact with you so you can be the person I can turn to to honestly critic my work. I truly appreciate your help. 

            Don't you love it when a sequel fixes all of the mistakes of the previous one and more? It's a damn shame games don't do that as often. My old favorite series - Assassin's Creed - started off well enough, then it was just the same thing with a different skin.           As for the OP, I'm playing DC Universe Online (3 years running) and Minecraft PS4. There are a couple of games I will play once my damn Audio cable comes in the mail! I refuse to play anything else without my surround sound. 

          I'm very glad that you're being honest with me. And yes, I did post little in fear of plagiarism, but how am I to make my work better without trusting others to critic my work? I'll admit, after I posted the sample, I immediately regretted not posting more up. And I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner, I didn't think anyone was going to reply. This place seems so dead, it sucks. :(   Before I post a larger portion of the second chapter for you and others who wish to read it, what do you mean switching tenses? I do write a lot, but I haven't really gotten anyone to read my work. Is it like when I say, "Michael sat on his couch"? Making it sound past tense?    Anyway, with all that said, here's a lot more to the second chapter. Feel free to contact me via mail at [email protected], I'm always checking it at least every hour or so.    Oh! The age range. Um, I was thinking around 15 - 18.             Chapter 2           Michael was eating a can of soup when someone knocked on the door. His mother was out to work while he stayed at home. He took a final sip from his bowl before placing it into the sink and rinsing it out. He walked over to the door and looked out the window; It was Courtney. He opened the door and stepped outside. Courtney greeted him with a hug. Michael shuts the door behind him and locks it, placing the house key into his front pocket.           "So what are going to do today?" Michael asks. Courtney smirks, taking him by the hand, pulling him along with her. They reach a beautiful garden full of roses and other types of flora. Courtney releases Michael and skips over to sniff the roses near the park bench. She signals for Michael to come over and smell them with her.           "Smell this one." She says. Michael looks at her and then takes a whiff, his eyes falling heavy from the intoxicating aroma the flower let off. It was absolute bliss.   "It smells good." Michael laughed. Courtney agreed.               "Roses are my favorite. I don't know why?" She said.   "You don't know why you like roses?"               "I know they smell good, but is that really all there is to it?"   "Well they are pretty," Michael answered.           "Oh!" Courtney remembered, twirling around in her dress, "Do you like what I'm wearing today?"           Michael took a look at her and liked what she had to wear. A beautiful red dress with black lines going vertically, and a large red rose in her hair. "You look pretty in it." Michael says, a bit embarrassed.           "Well I'm glad you like it," Courtney says, "A lot of the other boys don't like what I wear."   "What's wrong with how you dress?" Michael asked.           "I honestly don't know. My mom says it's because they like me." She replies.           Michael couldn't understand why anyone would think she looked bad. He thought she looked beautiful. Of course he wasn't going to tell her that. The two find a bench and rest, watching the birds dance around, and smelling the beautiful rose scented air. Courtney lied her head on Michael's shoulder and closed her eyes. "I hope you don't mind." She asks. Michael felt a bit uncomfortable, but he wasn't too embarrassed.           "You're fine." He said.           The birds flew away to trees, and the sun was now setting. Both Michael and Courtney lie asleep, the two leaning on each others head for support. Courtney's phone goes off, the loud ringtone waking them both up. She pulls her cell out from her purse and opens it up.           "I have to go home." She said. Michael was still a little tired.   "Are you sure?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.           Courtney got up from the bench and stretched. "Yeah. My mother doesn't let me stay out too long." She answered.   "How come?" He wondered.           "I don't know?" Courtney replied, "Something about being safe?"   "But it's only four? That seem a bit early, don't you think?" Michael said.           "My mom knows best." Courtney interjected. â??Besides, it's getting dark.â?   â??Alright. I'll walk you home then."           Michael grabbed Courtney by the hand and walked off with her. She blushed. This was the first time Michael had taken her by the hand. Normally she was the one to take him. She scoots closer to him. "Well, someone's finally gotten use to me." She smirked.           "Huh?" Michael hadn't noticed that he had grabbed her by the hand. It was just something he had gotten use to the past couple of months.   "You're not going to freak out again, are you?" Courtney laughed.           "I don't think so. Besides I kind of like holding your--" Michael frantically shut his mouth. Courtney was curious what he had to say. She leaned in even closer to him, staring into his eyes. She could feel him tensing up.           "You kind of like what?" She teased. Michael tried to play it cool.   "I kind of like holding your..." He hesitated, "Hand..."           "Well at least you're honest about it. I wondered how long it would take to say that to me." Courtney said.   "Wait, you knew?" He said astonished.           "You make it way too obvious, Michael. I think everybody knows by this point." She laughed.           The two had made it to Courtney's house. Michael walked her up to the front door and knocked, still holding her hand. Courtney's mother answered the door. "Why hello, Michael. Thank you for bringing Courtney home." She said.           "Of course, Ms. Jennifer." Michael replied.           Courtney walked into her house and turned back to Michael. She looked at her mother and motioned to her. Her mother nodded.           "Do you want to stay the night?" Courtney asked. Michael looked around himself, seeing if he was being played for a fool. He raises his brow, "Is this a joke?" He asked.   "If it's alright with your mother," Jennifer said, "Then it's alright with me."           Michael couldn't believe what he was hearing. It wasn't that he didn't want to stay with Courtney longer, he was just surprised by how her mother would allow a boy to stay the night with her daughter.           "Ms. Jennifer, are you sure you want a boy to stay the night with your daughter?" Michael asked. Courtney and her mother gave each other a look.   "What do you mean?" Jennifer asked. Michael wasn't sure if they were messing with him.           "A thirteen year old boy staying the night at a thirteen year old girls house. That isn't strange to you?" He asked. Jennifer pulled Courtney aside and spoke with her. Michael wondered what it was they were discussing. Both the girls approached by front door.   "Michael," Jennifer said, "It'll be fine."           Courtney grabbed Michael's hands. "Well, do you want to or not?" She asked.   "Sure," Michael replied. "Can I call my mom?"           "Of course. Just use the phone in the kitchen." Jennifer told him.           Courtney brought Michael over to the kitchen and gave him the phone. He called his mother up and asked if he could stay the night. His mother asked to speak with Courtney's mother. Michael handed over the phone.           Both Michael's and Courtney's mother were still on the phone for what felt likes hours. They had just finished drawing their tenth picture when they heard Jennifer yell. The two of them looked at each other, both curious as to what was happening.   â??What do you think they're talking about?â? Michael asked. Courtney shrugged.           â??I don't know?â?

Disclaimer: This short novel does not contain any form of sexual activities. This is intended for Juvenile readers.   Hello fellow Otaku users, my name's SpiritOfKorra and I'm a novelist. The past couple of years I've been writing action/adventure stories, one big one being 300 pages! Because I don't like to stick with one genre in particular, I've recently been delving into the romance side of literature.    The story that I'm about to share with you is about the love between two young boy; one of whom doesn't realize the other is a male. They will discover feelings that they never knew they had. With each chapter you will watch them grow from innocent teenagers to complex adults.    Now I will be publishing this digitally through a provider whom I will not mention, due to the fact that I'm not sure it would be appropriate to post on here without knowing what I can and cannot post on the forums/boards. It will be released sometime in February.   If you're interested in this story after reading my sample, please don't hesitate to let me know! I'm very open to criticism as long as it's honest and detailed. I'll provide a small sample of the first page. Without further ado, here it is.     (Title of the novel will remain unknown until published. )     Note: The book is still in its editing phase, which is why I'm holding its release date until February. Furthermore, it's not pasting as it should; Format wise, etc.                                                                                             Chapter 2          Michael sat on his coach watching television while eating a can of soup when he heard someone knocking on the door. His mother was out to work while he stayed at home. He took a final sip from his bowl before placing it into the sink and rinsing it out. He walked over to the door and looked out the window; It was Courtney. He opened the door and stepped outside, Courtney greeting him with a hug. Michael shuts the door behind him and locks it, placing the house key into his front pocket.        "So what are going to do today?" Michael asks.        Courtney smirks, taking him by the hand, pulling him along with her. They reach a beautiful garden full of roses and other types of flora. Courtney releases Michael and skips over to sniff the roses near the park bench. She signals for Michael to come over and smell them with her.   "Smell this one," She says. Michael looks at her and then takes a whiff, his eyes falling heavy from the intoxicating arouma the flower let off. It was absolute bliss.        "It smells good," Michael laughed.                    That's the end of the sample. I implore you to leave a comment or message me with your thoughts! Thanks! :D