I love the first one! It's great how you included the good and bad of vampires (sex then your soul) I dislike the second one because it really doesn't flow. The stanzas are too short and choppy and need to be stuck together. Good work with the subject. I think you captured the vampiric essence very nicely. Good work.
Yeah it's ok but it just doesn't "click" you know what I mean? The lines are kinda choppy and thoughts are scattered throughout the stanzas. Still good but it's kinda "run of the mill" prophecy stuff. Ya know " the light wil destroy the dark" so on and so forth.
Still good, I like the voice in it. Good job.
Really good. One thing, you say something about a tainted one then for the rest of the poem you refer to it as a thing not a person. You might've meant to but I think it sounds awkward. Really good I want to see some more work from you in the future.
Wow! Really good! I write like this to. I think it's easier to write about dark things. You did beautifully with your words and descriptions. Very good. Just a few minor problems that are easily dealt with. Good job.
I think that the sport is just a chance to show off ones masculinity and how good they are with a wrench and a car. I think the thing they do it for is just to see if they can get away with it without getting busted.
I guess it's an ok sport (if you could call it that) since it doesn't bother me and I don't participate.
Thanx I really like the second one too and the title is the way it is because I didn't really want to come up with an elaborate and deep title. I kinda like the simplicity. And I never really feel like the first one so no need to worry. More to come.
Here's the next poem::)
I used to have wings
But they were clipped
By my own close-mindedness
I can no longer fly
I have been grounded here
Here in a world where imagination
Is an utter joke
I begin to regrow my wings
But their growth is forever stunted
By a world who no longer believes
In the power of a child's imagination
I long to fly
As I have done in the past
Still I am grounded
I cannot rise
Into the endless possibilities
That are my youthful mind