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You wake up one morning, and read (or watch) the local news. It's depressing. Things in your city are bad. Perhaps there are muggings, gangs, police brutality. Maybe the grocery down the street was robbed last week. Or the children's mural at the local park is covered in graffiti. There's no pride in public spaces, and everything is covered in garbage and litter. Maybe people are just mean to one another.

Whatever your local problem, it's disheartening.

You think to yourself, "My city needs a hero."

You are going to be that hero.

What do you do?

Rules
1. You must do good. You are not a villain.
2. You have neither supernatural powers, nor unlimited wealth and gadgetry.
3. You start with only the skills you already have. (If you've never raised a hand to anyone, you do not know martial arts. You may, however, enroll in classes to rectify this situation. Be realistic about the amount of time it will take.)
4. You must be visible. This includes a costume. You need to be recognisable, a symbol of Good that will inspire and bring hope to your community (and/or strike fear in the hearts of evildoers).

An optional fact sheet, to help get you started:

Superhero Name: Pick one, or the local media will pick one for you.
Problem: Barroom brawls? Playground bullying? High-level fraud? Gangland violence? Drug cartels? Theft of lobster cages? Poor attitude in the workplace?
Goal: Eliminate a specific crime? Mete out punishment? Legalise marijuana?
Steps to become a superhero:
1. This is the part where you lay out your ultimate plan to turn yourself, as you are right now, into a hero.
2. What skills do you need to acquire? How long will that take? Can you start hero-ing in the mean time, or do you need to wait until you're completely ready? 3. What contacts do you need to make? How will you acquire them?
4. What instruments or tools will you need? Do you already know how to use them?
5. Will you maintain a secret identity or not? Who else will you tell about your hero-ing?
6. You get the idea.
Costume: What will your costume look like? Will you make it yourself? Out of what? Is it functional, or just for show? Drawings, mock-ups, and photographs of yourself dressed up in tights and capes are welcome.

You first. &nyaaaaaaaaaaaa

Well, you know, it's not meant to be a chore. You don't have to answer every question or anything. It's just meant to spark a conversation.

Honestly, I just wanted your own thoughts while I work out the logistics of my plan (I really hope I'm not the only person who analyzes these kinds of subjects this much.) And to use an &nyaaaaaaaaaaaa once before James outlawed it.

One noteworthy issue: small town vigilantism. Is it plausible in any way? I live in a little college town, and I can't think of any way to keep one's identity or headquarters a secret. I mean, if you're leaving the scene of an injustice after saving the day, somebody is going to follow you eventually, be they the police, a local reporter, or just some college kids looking for a good story to tell. I'd like to say you could rely on the goodwill of your faithful citizens, but that's not really too likely in most cases, especially if you plan on committing to superheroism long-term.

Originally Posted by John

One noteworthy issue: small town vigilantism. Is it plausible in any way? I live in a little college town, and I can't think of any way to keep one's identity or headquarters a secret. I mean, if you're leaving the scene of an injustice after saving the day, somebody is going to follow you eventually, be they the police, a local reporter, or just some college kids looking for a good story to tell. I'd like to say you could rely on the goodwill of your faithful citizens, but that's not really too likely in most cases, especially if you plan on committing to superheroism long-term.

Change in a phone booth? (My area doesn't even have public telephones anymore, much less the privacy of phone booths. It's sad.)

That's an interesting question. It really depends on the level of heroism you're looking at, I think. The larger the scale of your acts, the more people are going to want to know who you are. (If you're just some costumed nutter trying to cheer folks up, people are probably more likely to just let you be. You're not a threat to anyone, and you're probably not that interesting.) If you're actually dealing with crime and criminals, I'd say you'd have a really tough time of it.

How big is the college in question? Your best bet might be to make friends with someone in facilities management. I'm sure there are a wide variety of places on campus that you could utilise, if only to lose someone who's following you.

In any case, you could probably get a "free" pass on your first couple weeks of heroism, depending on how active those weeks are and the seriousness of your actions. I think people would be willing to write you off as a one-time weirdo as many as four or five times. Especially if you live in a town full of college students who're prone to do silly things.

(On that note: you might even have someone else claim the credit for what you've done, which would free you up considerably.)

I just know Newark would need 7 or 8 heros sence were such a hell hole, actually, Ohio has alot of problems, oh well.

Originally Posted by Sara

Change in a phone booth? (My area doesn't even have public telephones anymore, much less the privacy of phone booths. It's sad.)

On that note, how did Superman ever get away with that crap? Honestly, is there any worse place to change than a phone booth?

1. If anyone sees you go into a phone booth, they will know you're pretty much the only person who could be coming out of it.
2. Being in the middle of a city street, lots and lots of people will see you go into a phone booth.
3. GLASS WALLS AGH.

I think Superman could have changed in the middle of the street--or not changed at all, and just fly off in his business suit and glasses--and nobody still would have figured out his secret identity. Any comic book fans around here know of an explanation for this?

Originally Posted by Sara

That's an interesting question. It really depends on the level of heroism you're looking at, I think. The larger the scale of your acts, the more people are going to want to know who you are. (If you're just some costumed nutter trying to cheer folks up, people are probably more likely to just let you be. You're not a threat to anyone, and you're probably not that interesting.) If you're actually dealing with crime and criminals, I'd say you'd have a really tough time of it.

How big is the college in question? Your best bet might be to make friends with someone in facilities management. I'm sure there are a wide variety of places on campus that you could utilise, if only to lose someone who's following you.

In any case, you could probably get a "free" pass on your first couple weeks of heroism, depending on how active those weeks are and the seriousness of your actions. I think people would be willing to write you off as a one-time weirdo as many as four or five times. Especially if you live in a town full of college students who're prone to do silly things.

(On that note: you might even have someone else claim the credit for what you've done, which would free you up considerably.)

Thing is, with any long-term heroing, I think it'll probably become pretty likely that you'll eventually get people trying to figure out who you are, no matter the seriousness of your heroing. Using buildings on campus to throw people off and hide in is a good idea, and I suppose you could use some non-destructive means to impair your pursuers: smoke bombs, pepper spray (very questionable), and pre-planned escape routes fitted with hazards or non-lethal traps that only you would anticipate.

Even so, heroism means I'd have to start hitting the gym if I wanted to be successful at most anything, especially escapes, should they ever become necessary.

As far as costumes go, I think it's important to have the most ridiculous one possible. Not only is it important to make yourself a symbol of your cause (to be truly effective, a hero must incite their populace towards adopting the change that the hero is spearheading), there's also no sense taking yourself too seriously if you're going to take up the mantle of vigilantism.

The biggest wrench in this plan is that my town is actually a pretty nice place; not a lot of problems. It's fairly clean, has an excellent appreciation of the arts for such a small place (about 20,000 people), and doesn't have enough crime to warrant going out in a suit every night waiting for something bad to happen near you.

I can really only think of two things that could be better. 1) These people have no culinary taste. A lot of the favorite foods or restaurants in town are just... shockingly bland. They seem to actually be able to suck the flavor out of dishes that, based on the ingredients, look like they should at least taste like something. Bringing flavor awareness to the town would improve it quite a bit, if that were possible. 2) Thanks to the town's strong German heritage, my college was listed in some magazine as the #6 party school in the nation. Perhaps I could provide some assistance to the drunk people trying to get home on late Friday nights?

Originally Posted by John

I think Superman could have changed in the middle of the street--or not changed at all, and just fly off in his business suit and glasses--and nobody still would have figured out his secret identity. Any comic book fans around here know of an explanation for this?

Super-hypnotism. And I'm not kidding.


Note to Sara: You are awesome. I will get to this when I'm not swamped with all the book-learnins I have to do for finals.

Originally Posted by Nerdsy

Super-hypnotism. And I'm not kidding.


Note to Sara: You are awesome. I will get to this when I'm not swamped with all the book-learnins I have to do for finals.

I do what I can.

There's something wonderfully charming about the complete lack of continuity (or sense) in a lot of old superhero comics.

EDIT: This is completely awesome (click)! And very related.

Originally Posted by Sara

EDIT: This is completely awesome (click)! And very related.

This site has me smiling so much. So does the Wikipedia article on the topic. Especially this:

Originally Posted by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real-life_superhero

For attention or to highlight a cause of significance to them, some people name and/or garb themselves like established comic book characters. As they are particularly photogenic, this often gets them more publicity than they would get if they were dressed in everyday garb. Quite often they climb something.

This definitely beats the Real Superpowers website I found a few days ago.

EDIT: Also, I notice your area has a few heroes keeping it safe, Sara. Ever heard anything about them?

DOUBLE EDIT: The horoscopes thread has more posts than this. Get on board, ***holes.

Originally Posted by John

EDIT: Also, I notice your area has a few heroes keeping it safe, Sara. Ever heard anything about them?

'Fraid I haven't. I'll keep my eyes peeled, though.