What do you look for in a relationship?

[Rachmaninoff]

When I ask the question: What do you look for in a relationship? I?m talking more than the usual take of say a boyfriend/girlfriend. This can apply to what you look for in a friend as well. I?ll start with what I look for in other people though this will kind of apply to both because I think the best relationships that are more than just friends, start from being good friends first.

Personally, I tend to look more for traits such as honesty, a good sense of humor and at least some similar tastes as mine and yet differences too. Something you both like and the fun of introducing each other to new things. I see both types of relationships this way really, I like having a diverse bunch of friends. Instead of only hanging out with people who have the same interests that I do. Also, having someone you can talk to about anything is always great. So? what about the rest of you?

[Starwind]

I think first and foremost I look for intelligence because stupid people get on my nerves pretty quickly. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good goofy and pointless conversation as much as the next person, but I also like to know that I can also have an intelligent conversation with this same person at any given time.

Next is a sense of humor. I like to crack jokes and I like it when the person I'm talking to can snap back with one of there own.

Another important factor is thick skin. I have opinions that aren't always popular and I can be a bit harsh when defending these points of veiw. Personally, I have no problem with someone having a differing a opinion from my own and I won't let that alienate them from me, if it's someone I really happen to like. However, if your going to try and challenge my position, be prepared to stand up to whatever I might have to say because I will not hold back.

But perhaps most importantly, I look for a laid back kind of person. I don't like it when the people around me are stressed out all the time. I've got enough stress in what I do for a living. Hell, I'm sitting behind a computer in Iraq right now for gods sake. So I don't want to have to deal with a bunch of high strung people in my day to day life. I get enough of that already.

[KisukeUrahara]

El numero uno: loyalty. Loyalty. LOYALTY. I've been stabbed in the back by too many people I've considered friends, I've been made a fool of by too many girls. I've only got 2 friends right now, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can trust them both with my life; they both helped me out during a major crisis in my life, while other friends turned their back on me.

[MaskedRider]

There are several things. Certain personalities I can't stand, such as stuck up and self centered people. Then there are my little preferences and things that I find attractive. I'm into artistic women, bisexual women, piercings and tattoos, and wierd stuff. Obviously finding a woman attractive helps, and I know that this may seem wrong, but I expect a physical part of the relationship as well. I understand a girl wanting to wait, but I'm 20 years old and in this day and age it's pretty much expected in an adult relationship.

Wow... I sound kind of like an ***.

[Retribution]

[quote name='MaskedRider']Obviously finding a woman attractive helps, and I know that this may seem wrong, but I expect a physical part of the relationship as well. I understand a girl wanting to wait, but I'm 20 years old and in this day and age it's pretty much expected in an adult relationship.

Wow... I sound kind of like an ***.[/QUOTE]
[font=Arial]No, you sound pretty normal to me.

In a relationship, I look for someone I enjoy spending time with. Someone I enjoy talking to. Someone I don't feel self-conscious in front of. Someone who appreciates the things I am interested in (politics, modern art, travel). Ideally, a girl who possess a comparable level of intelligence.

And, of course, there simply must be a physical attraction. Even if she's got the perfect personality in my book, if she doesn't look good to me, we're not getting into a relationship. But I have no doubt we'd be extremely good friends.

Speaking of friends, I prefer that we have slightly overlapping interests, but for the most part our own separate fields of study. Life gets boring when you only hang out with one type of people. So long as they are talkative (at least around me) and enjoy making [good] jokes, it should be smooth sailin'.[/font]

[Raiha]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Well if a girl wants to wait, I can respect that. Since I'm categorically incapable. Who cares if it's 'the in thing' in society right now? And if you're going into a relationship expecting sex? That's not exactly polite now is it.

But I look for physical attractiveness, the capacity to keep up with me in a discussion, which is usually pretty difficult, not to sound stuck up, but it's true. When Allamorph calls you 'fast', then it's a good sign. No, not THAT kind of fast. Grow up.

I like someone with similar political attachments as me, the same ideas about society, and a willingness to talk about social issues without automatically judging. That's always sweet. Also like tattoos, piercings, willingness to experiment, capable of switching from submissive to dominant... And depending on the laid back...ness of the relationship, I like a certain amount of fun with other humans at the same time.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Retribution]

[quote name='Raiha'][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Well if a girl wants to wait, I can respect that. Since I'm categorically incapable. Who cares if it's 'the in thing' in society right now? And if you're going into a relationship expecting sex? That's not exactly polite now is it.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[font=Arial]If you make it known to the girl prior to "getting into a relationship" that you want sex, I think it's perfectly reasonable if she accepts that and goes out with you. If she wants to wait, and one of your criteria for a relationship is to have sex, then you probably shouldn't go out with her.[/font]

[Gavin]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']Personally, I tend to look more for traits such as honesty, a good sense of humor and at least some similar tastes as mine and yet differences too. Something you both like and the fun of introducing each other to new things.[/QUOTE]

[SIZE="1"]I think this covers a lot of I look for out of relationships pretty well. Like you Rach, I like to not only have some common-ground with a girlfriend, but also to be able to have some new experiences while I'm with them, it's always nice to be introduced to something you didn't know you'd enjoy. Persona wise, I'm pretty open, I've dated very out-going girls and very quiet ones, it all depends on the mix really. Obviously stuff like honesty and loyalty are prerequisites.

While I don't think someone with pre-defined ideas of what they're physically attracted to is shallow, it's not something I give a great deal of thought to. Obviously there are some things I find more attractive than others, i.e. I find multiple piercings and tattoos to be off-putting, because it's just not my thing. I find it a hell of a lot easier to be put off my someone's personality than I do by their physical appearance.[/SIZE]

[nekochuni]

well, im agree with the first post....honesty, good sense of humor, things in common and another different interests...a lil bit of childish ways ...loyalty...true love (not convenience!)
someone who i can talk, and someone to be in silence....u know, not being uncomfortable when there appears a silent moment...

...in other words, i look for the other part of my heart :animesigh


as a man said: "Un amigo es un corazón que habita en dos cuerpos"

wich is something like "a friend is a heart living in 2 different bodies"

;)

[Revelation]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']I think the best relationships that are more than just friends, start from being good friends first.[/QUOTE]
[size=1][color=#8B008B]I agree with you, though not completely. Sometimes starting from good friends leads to becoming so close that you think of the other as a sibling rather than "more-than-a-friend."

As for me, when it comes to relationships in general, if I don't feel comfortable with you on sight, then I won't feel comfortable with you at all. There just has to be that level of comfortability for me to be able to have a relationship with another person. Then after that, everything else just falls into place: honesty, ability to have a decent conversation, so on and so forth.[/size][/color]

[Nerdsy]

[quote name='Retribution'][font=Arial]No, you sound pretty normal to me.[/font][/QUOTE]

[color=deeppink]He sounds like both.

In terms of the types of girls I go for, there isn't any sort of pattern. It seems my tastes are incredibly chaotic.

As for a realationship, the only mandatory is a level of intelligence near my own. Not too much smarter than me, not too much dumber than me. If I can't talk to a girl on her own level, I don't see much future for any relationship.[/color]

[Starwind]

[quote name='Retribution'][font=Arial]If you make it known to the girl prior to "getting into a relationship" that you want sex, I think it's perfectly reasonable if she accepts that and goes out with you. If she wants to wait, and one of your criteria for a relationship is to have sex, then you probably shouldn't go out with her.[/font][/QUOTE]

For me, sex isn't really that important. At least not in a new relationship. I feel that if you've just met a girl, you shouldn't expect her to put out right away. That's one of those things I think should come with time. But maybe that's just me being old fashioned.

I do believe though that a certain level of physical attraction is required if your going to be in a committed relationship. You can't fuel a working relationship with nothing more the common interests and the desire to make it work, because without the attraction there, you've got little more then a close friendship. I once explained this point of veiw to a girl who asked me out once. I basically said she was a nice girl, but I just wasn't attracted to her. She got real upset and called me, among other things which I will not repeat, "Shallow", and "Sexist".

I'm not quiet sure where the sexist thing came from, but I don't think that take makes me shallow, does it?

[MaskedRider]

[QUOTE]I'm not quiet sure where the sexist thing came from, but I don't think that take makes me shallow, does it?[/QUOTE]
Slap her and tell her to get back in the kitchen and make you a sandwich. Naw, I'm just kidding. I'm actually a nice guy, but girls don't generally tend to go for nice guys. Yes, that's what they want, but they usually end up going for the self confident jerk who treats them like ****. But whatever, it's their mess not mine.

[[Sound_Nin]]

[quote name='MaskedRider'] I'm actually a nice guy, but girls don't generally tend to go for nice guys. Yes, that's what they want, but they usually end up going for the self confident jerk who treats them like ****. But whatever, it's their mess not mine.[/quote]

[COLOR=Navy][FONT=Book Antiqua]That's exactly true. I never used to think so, but when that happened to me, I realised that I better stop being such a nice guy.

In my own opinion, as far as personality goes, I'm pretty close to perfect. Sounds stuck-up, doesn't it? And I'm not bad looking, either.

No one really wants to say it, but looks are a factor. No matter what, they're a factor. However important, they're a factor. They're just not AS important to me as some people who only care about the physical aspect.

Well, I'm bi. With a strong leaning to men. So I guess it depends on whether this individual is male or female.

I tend to care about attractiveness more in men. Because it's a more physical relationship. But I like a good personality too, so if I ever find a guy that is attractive, has a great personality, AND isn't straight, I doubt I'd want that relationship to end. Even if I had to hold him at gun-point. Haha. :animesmil

Girls, I like a great personality. Looks aren't as much of a big deal with them, as long as they don't look like they were run over by a semi repeatedly.
It just isn't as physical as my relationships with men.

Now, as for friends! Most of my friends are girls. But I've had several good male friends all the way back from 4th grade. So I have a few things for friendship.

1. Loyalty.
2. Sense of humour.
3. Shared interests, though not all.
4. You have to talk to me. Come on, don't ditch me for other people. But this might relate to #1.

And as for the sex part of relationships, I'd say it's not that important, people. If it's your top priority, that's a sign that you don't care if the rest of the relationship goes to hell and eventually ends.
Balance is the key.
[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"]What do I look for in a relationship? There are so many things to consider really. It's important to me that someone is honest, intelligent, funny and fun to talk to. Has similar or at the very least some similar tastes. After all if a guy is only interested in sports, he and I will not be dating for long, or remain friends for long either. There is of course the need for him to not have an out of control ego, can't stand that really. Just as I have no use for the, if I take you to dinner you have to have sex afterwards. Uh... no. In fact if you're going into a relationship with me thinking sex is a given, you're wasting your time really.

Another one, appearance doesn't have to be perfect, but hygiene sure as hell does. I'm sorry, but if I can smell you before I even open the door? It won't get opened. I don't like tall guys either. I'm all of 4'11 and I hate being towered over. It's nothing personal really, I'm just uncomfortable with it.

In the end, if it goes beyond initial dating, I look for someone who can handle being in a partnership. I live in a state where a huge percentage of the population has some deal that it's a woman's place to stay in the home, blah, blah, blah and so forth. So I'm pretty choosy, starting with refusing to date anyone from said religion here that follows that. But seriously, so long as one can accept someone who wants a more equal deal. You and I will get along just fine... Whether it's to date or as a friend.[/COLOR]

[Lia]

To be blunt, I'm not much generally into relationships. I don't look for much other than "fun". That can encompass a lot of things. Wild rampant sex and booze, don't call me because I won't call you. That may sound reckless or distasteful to some, but to each his(or her in this case) own. It's all about experimenting to see what suits you.

That being said, I am in a relationship! How hypocritical. When I choose to actually have something with a semi-permanent basis, I will simply put "stimulation". You can interpret that any way, really. Whether it be intellectual stimulation, physical stimulation, laughter, you name it. It just has to be something that will catch my interest. I won't set a bunch of guidelines a person has to fit in order to catch my fancy, it's more the overall feel I get from the presence. I like someone who I can relate to, but at the same time is mostly different from me. That way, the relationship can thrive with me and said partner constantly learning new things about one another and always having something to talk about. I love to debate (note: this does not mean argue). If I'm engaged in a heated debate with inductive/deductive justifications being thrown around, nothing turns me on more than that.

Attraction matters fully, but it's subject to personality influence. But mostly, if you can't rev my engine, I can't be in a relationship with you - Simple as that. That may sound petty, but it's not. Sex is a major factor in relationships for me, and if it's lacking in some form then the relationship just isn't as fulfilling.

Now that I got that out of the way, when it comes to friends I can't really even describe it. I get along with pretty much everyone. I like variety. I get along with someone with similar interests usually just as well as someone with differences I can learn from. I could name off all the general cliche things everyones saying, but at the same time I'm not going to judge someone based on if they aren't perfect.

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][quote name='MaskedRider'] I'm actually a nice guy, but girls don't generally tend to go for nice guys. Yes, that's what they want, but they usually end up going for the self confident jerk who treats them like ****. But whatever, it's their mess not mine.[/QUOTE]Or we find those nice guys and keep them. >_>

Sorry Rach, but you [I]are[/I] nice. :p

Anyway... even if it's considered cliched, I like the standard deal of someone who's honest, fun to be with and can make you laugh. As well as having something similar and yet different as far as tastes go. Probably one of my number one things I look for is someone who isn't offended if you are intelligent. Because the stereotype that blonde's are stupid and all the jokes to go with it gets real old. It's kind of sad the guys I've never gotten to know because they couldn't go one day without cracking some stupid blonde joke at my expense. It's painfully annoying to like someone only for them to be too clueless to realize what a stupid habit that is and for them to fail to see that it's not funny.

Naturally there are other things I don't like. Such as smoking and drinking. That's a given whether it's a relationship or friendship. I can't stand either one. I don't care if you think you are responsible and maybe you are... it's just a no in my book. Physical is more of an iffy in that I don't expect perfection.

Anyway, my relationship I'm in right now works out really well and I'm very happy with it. So right now, I'm not looking for one. Friends are another matter, I'm always looking for those. You can never have too many friends. Heh.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[[Sound_Nin]]

[QUOTE][COLOR=RoyalBlue][FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode] Naturally there are other things I don't like. Such as smoking and drinking.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=Navy][FONT=Book Antiqua]Ahh! That reminds me. Many a relationship (friendship or otherwise) have been destroyed on the basis of my smoking, drinking, and other things like that.
So, you have to at least tolerate it, if you don't do it yourself, to be associated with me. If you're going to complain about it, I don't need you. I need to be accepted the way I am.
And my best friends are the ones that tolerate it. The ones that complained about it wouldn't have been very supportive friends anyway. And as for relationships, if you're going to kiss me, expect it to taste like cigarettes most of the time. ;]

(Please note I don't want to argue about it. It just reminded me.)
[/FONT][/COLOR]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][QUOTE='[Sound_Nin];807082'][COLOR=Navy][FONT=Book Antiqua]Ahh! That reminds me. Many a relationship (friendship or otherwise) have been destroyed on the basis of my smoking, drinking, and other things like that.
So, you have to at least tolerate it, if you don't do it yourself, to be associated with me. If you're going to complain about it, I don't need you. I need to be accepted the way I am.
And my best friends are the ones that tolerate it. The ones that complained about it wouldn't have been very supportive friends anyway. And as for relationships, if you're going to kiss me, expect it to taste like cigarettes most of the time. ;]

(Please note I don't want to argue about it. It just reminded me.)
[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]Actually, you and I are on the same page really. ^_~ Just the opposite sides of the spectrum. People have to respect that when they are at my house, they have to leave those things behind. So they have to at least tolerate the no smoking/drinking rules when they are there. What they do at home is their business, but in a relationship... Sadly, most forms of cigarette smoke do nothing but aggravate my allergies and it's not worth the headache, literally. So I too don't need people to argue over it, I need them to accept that it's not something I can have around.

The drinking.... That's more from losing loved ones to drunk drivers. So no getting smashed or wasted. My true friends understand and support that. Sometimes it's the ones who can't seem to let it go and insist on showing up drunk that make me sad. The others have no problems with abstaining when they come to my place. Just as I don't give them grief when the get together is at their place.

And no worries, it's not an argument, you just reminded me we're not that different when you think about it. Our need for acceptance/tolerance is merely different. It works out for me since my boyfriend is like minded. He doesn't drink or smoke either. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[[Sound_Nin]]

[quote name='SunfallE'][COLOR=RoyalBlue][FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Actually, you and I are on the same page really. ^_~ Just the opposite sides of the spectrum. People have to respect that when they are at my house, they have to leave those things behind. So they have to at least tolerate the no smoking/drinking rules when they are there. What they do at home is their business, but in a relationship... Sadly, most forms of cigarette smoke do nothing but aggravate my allergies and it's not worth the headache, literally. So I too don't need people to argue over it, I need them to accept that it's not something I can have around.

The drinking.... That's more from losing loved ones to drunk drivers. So no getting smashed or wasted. My true friends understand and support that. Sometimes it's the ones who can't seem to let it go and insist on showing up drunk that make me sad. The others have no problems with abstaining when they come to my place. Just as I don't give them grief when the get together is at their place.

And no worries, it's not an argument, you just reminded me we're not that different when you think about it. Our need for acceptance/tolerance is merely different. It works out for me since my boyfriend is like minded. He doesn't drink or smoke either. [/FONT][/COLOR][/quote]

[COLOR=Navy][FONT=Book Antiqua]I totally understand. If someone can't handle it around, I'm totally fine. I'll go outside, or whatever else. Especially if they're respectful about it.
What I can't stand is this:
For you, it would be someone who insisted on smoking or drinking around you. For me, it would be someone who, even after I went outside and there's no harm to them, harp on it incessantly, or even threaten not to be around me anymore.
Anyway, it's the same general idea. I just didn't really think of it in that way. Yep.

And yes, most of my relationships have been with someone who either smokes or doesn't mind it. The one that didn't last long at all was with someone who was strongly against it, around them or not.
And drinking is VERY rare for me, I don't spend every day drunk. It's more of a special or rare occasion type of thing and stay inside.

I smoke outside most of the time anyway, just not lately because of the cold.


Back on topic, another thing I'd have to say I like in a person is an animal lover. Whether you're a cat person or a dog person, that's something in common. Although I'm more a cat person myself, I have dogs too and love them just as much. If I notice a person is an animal person, I'm more drawn to them from the start. Good chemistry, there.
[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='SunfallE'][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]Sorry Rach, but you [I]are[/I] nice. :p[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]Bah, you're such a traitor. XP[quote name=''[Sound_Nin];807097'][COLOR=Navy][FONT=Book Antiqua]Back on topic, another thing I'd have to say I like in a person is an animal lover. Whether you're a cat person or a dog person, that's something in common. Although I'm more a cat person myself, I have dogs too and love them just as much. If I notice a person is an animal person, I'm more drawn to them from the start. Good chemistry, there.[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote]I agree. I prefer it if someone likes animals. I hadn't really thought about it until my roommate's girlfriend was telling him that they would never have a cat or a dog and that just seemed rather bleh to me. Even if I never have pets around, I can't imagine not liking them. So yeah, seeing her have that attitude was a turn off.

[AmyraSuzuki]

[quote name='Starwind']I think first and foremost I look for intelligence because stupid people get on my nerves pretty quickly. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good goofy and pointless conversation as much as the next person, but I also like to know that I can also have an intelligent conversation with this same person at any given time.

Next is a sense of humor. I like to crack jokes and I like it when the person I'm talking to can snap back with one of there own.

Another important factor is thick skin. I have opinions that aren't always popular and I can be a bit harsh when defending these points of veiw. Personally, I have no problem with someone having a differing a opinion from my own and I won't let that alienate them from me, if it's someone I really happen to like. However, if your going to try and challenge my position, be prepared to stand up to whatever I might have to say because I will not hold back.

But perhaps most importantly, I look for a laid back kind of person. I don't like it when the people around me are stressed out all the time. I've got enough stress in what I do for a living. Hell, I'm sitting behind a computer in Iraq right now for gods sake. So I don't want to have to deal with a bunch of high strung people in my day to day life. I get enough of that already.[/QUOTE]

So like what are you doing in Iraq? My Uncle was in Iraq for awhile, I think he is home now but We haven't talked for like 5 months.

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"][quote name='Rachmaninoff;806764] I tend to look more for traits such as honesty, a good sense of humor and at least some similar tastes as mine and yet differences too.[/QUOTE]That's always a good place to start. ^_^ [quote name='Starwind;806766']I think first and foremost I look for intelligence because stupid people get on my nerves pretty quickly. [/quote]Oh so true. XD Being able to have decent conversations is such a must in my opinion. Especially since I like the idea of an equal relationship and that doesn't work very well if only one is smart and making the decisions. [QUOTE=MaskedRider']Obviously finding a woman attractive helps, and I know that this may seem wrong, but I expect a physical part of the relationship as well. I understand a girl wanting to wait, but I'm 20 years old and in this day and age it's pretty much expected in an adult relationship.

Wow... I sound kind of like an ***.[/QUOTE]Uh... yeah. Attraction is good and all, but I can't enter a relationship where the other person is expecting sex. I have to like someone long before that even crosses my mind. XP It just doesn't work, that's an unbelievably huge turn off to me.

Now I'm not referring to you of course, but guys in general... I hate guys who's first thought is nothing more than how quick can I get into her pants. Uh... no. Though I imagine if it's like what Retribution said where it's clear from the begining, that's not quite the same... though in my case I'd be, no thanks. [quote name='MaskedRider;807044] I'm actually a nice guy, but girls don't generally tend to go for nice guys. Yes, that's what they want, but they usually end up going for the self confident jerk who treats them like ****. But whatever, it's their mess not mine.[/QUOTE]We don't? Since when? :p Though I suppose that depends on your definition of nice. Because I'm thinking your view and mine differs on account of what you've said so far. [quote name='indifference;807063][COLOR="Indigo"']I look for someone who can handle being in a partnership. I live in a state where a huge percentage of the population has some deal that it's a woman's place to stay in the home, blah, blah, blah and so forth. So I'm pretty choosy, starting with refusing to date anyone from said religion here that follows that. But seriously, so long as one can accept someone who wants a more equal deal. You and I will get along just fine... Whether it's to date or as a friend.[/COLOR][/quote]Oh don't remind me. Hehe. But yes, we are not going to just stay home and tend to the babies! [QUOTE=SunfallE'][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]Or we find those nice guys and keep them. >_>

Sorry Rach, but you [I]are[/I] nice. :p[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]XD *laughs* She has you there Darren! Hehe.

Anyway, I think that covers what I look for... honest, funny, attractive, smart, not some sexual deviant. Also, likes a woman who has interests out side of being a stay home mother. :p[/FONT]

[chibi-master]

Hmm...Well let's see...

For love: Make me laugh, be loyal, and don't fight the wierdness, boy!:whoops:

For friendship: I have friend detectors installed in my head, eyes, and butt. Have those detectors go off. Also, be able to keep up with my wierdness and protective loyalty.:animesmil Luckily, I have awesome friends! I live for 'em!

[Andrew]

[size=1]I tend not to look for relationships if I can help it, I'm a very solitary person in general. Relationships bring complications which I find tiresome.

In the few relationships I have (and have had) I pretty much agree with the majority of you guys about personality, intelligence, sense of humour, all that jazz with one extra thing on top. An easy-going attitude is essential! Anyone who gets stressed out or paniced over anything (especially little things) just annoy the hell out of me and unfortunately that's what most people I know are like. I always seem to end up playing psychiatrist for them, helping them solve their problems or trying to calm them down. Mildly annoying.[/size]