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Mitch

Writing no title [E]

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can a number show me the root of a tree?
can a number measure what it is to be free?
can a number subract all the losses in my life?
can it add all the beauty that's in my sight?

can a number show me where life's point lies?
the answer's simple in the poetry of your eyes
this proof isn't written since there's proof alone

if life's an equation, then where's the answer?
everything's question after question - a cancer
so benign but malignant if touched by the mind
numbers are imaginary, but words are divine

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------
I'll be honest Mitch, I'm no genius when it comes to poetry. In fact, some of your poetry flys *way* over my head. But I like this poem a [i]lot[/i]

[QUOTE=Mitch]can a number show me the root of a tree?
can a number show me what it is to be free?
can a number [color=red]subtract[/color] all the losses in my life?
can it add all the beauty that's in my sight? [/QUOTE]

I really like this, because it has some significance in my life. Earlier I argued with my stats teacher that everything that?s quantitative also has some qualitative foundation. For instance- what makes 5 inches 5 inches? It?s just an assigned length to a space that was there to begin with!

I digress. Your opening stanza has a solid rhyme and rhythm. The second line strikes me as odd. Where the other three, you have clever analogies to mathematics, I?m not sure about that second line. See what you can do to work with it? ?derivative? is a word you might be able to build around that has both mathematical and qualitative significance.

[QUOTE=Mitch]
can a number show me where life's point lies?
the answer's simple in the poetry of your eyes
this proof isn't written since there's proof alone[/QUOTE]

No complaints, here. I love the last line, it brings me back to Descarte?s [i]cogito ergo sum[/i]. The proof exists whether we write it or not.

[QUOTE=Mitch]
if life's an equation, then where's the answer?
everything's question after question - a cancer
so benign but malignant if touched by the mind
numbers are a lie, but words are divine[/QUOTE]

That ?cancer? came out of nowhere and created a substantially different imagery. I wasn?t sure how I was going to like it. The third line had me, though. Really, it was very well handled. I would replace ?so? with ?how?, however. I think the ?numbers are a lie? is too brusque a conclusion to draw. I think, following such witty and subtle wordplay I would recommend changing ?a lie? with? ?illusionary?. Maybe ?nebulous??

And by God man, give your baby a name.

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[quote name='Drix D'Zanth']And by god man, give your baby a name.[/quote]

Well said.

[quote=Mitch]can a number show me the root of a tree?
can a number measure what it is to be free?
can a number subract all the losses in my life?
can it add all the beauty that's in my sight?[/quote]

I like the secind, third and fourth line, though the whole 'root of a tree thing' I just plain don't get. I love how lines three and four use 'add' and 'subtract' for mathematical innuendos.

[quote=Mitch]can a number show me where life's point lies?
the answer's simple in the poetry of your eyes
this proof isn't written since there's proof alone[/quote]

This stanza didn't really catch my attention, and as great as the seond line is, it doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem.

[quote=Mitch]if life's an equation, then where's the answer?
everything's question after question - a cancer
so benign but malignant if touched by the mind
numbers are imaginary, but words are divine[/quote]

Nice edit on the last line, though I actually kind of liked it more as 'lie'. The first two lines were good, but the third was simply magnificent.

Overall, I'd say this is probably my least liked of all your poems, but it's still good.

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