Guide To Becoming An Internet Superstar At OtakuBoards - An Essay

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]There's a few ways to becoming an Internet Super at OtakuBoards, with many people touting the "Just make quality posts and you'll be noticed and makes friends" method - however, as we all know, that method is ********, and hasn't worked for anyone ever. The following three ways are the best way to becoming one of the OB elite, and should be followed if you really want people to know your name.

[B]Method 1: Be a serious jerk.[/B]
This method involves selling your sense of humour, having a one word screenname (names starting with 'R' with some vaguely authoritive conotations are a good bet) and posting in a small font. If you take this route, you're never allowed to join in on any humourous threads and you're gonna have to overreact to trolling in such a severe manner that you end up looking like an arsehole instead of the troll - it's cool though, cause people will expect that from you. You're on a grand crusade against the trolling menace, and if anyone gets caught in the crossfire, they know that this is war, and there will be casualties. RPing at a rate of a million RPs per minute will also help. You will have a great chance at becoming a mod this way.

[I]Your mentors[/I]: Sandy, Retribution, Neuvoxraiha.

[B]Method 2: Be a troll.[/B]
Trolls are clearly the most underappreciated class of OB denizen, and usually gain a level of INFAMY over stardom, but it is a way to get yourself noticed. Short, dismissive replies that make no attempt at being serious, public mocking and defaming of other members and inflammatory avatars and signatures are a hallmark of this method, though they have to be counterbalanced by a large percentage of real posts that are ontopic and sincere, or you risk banning. Being friends with staff will keep you from banning, but only for a while - as the sad tales of Papa Smurf and the original lavalamp illustrate, trolling can get you banned if not done properly and with restraint. You have a soso chance of becoming a mod, but I wouldn't hold your breath.

[I]Your mentors[/I]: Charles, Deathknight, wristcutter.

[B]Method 3: Have half a brain.[/B]
As has been shown time and time again, if you actually use your ****ing head once in a while, you'll have no problems making friends and influencing people. This is the least travelled route for reasons unknown, but you can be pretty sure if you try it you'll become internet famous in no time. There's no prerequisites, but having a screenname that is vaguely ominous sounding usually helps. Also, not resorting to trolling when bored as well - some of our best trolls once used this method, but later joined the dark side (largely cause this method can get shockingly boring if you've got nothing better to do). Chances of moddom are high, but not as high as being a serious jerk.

[I]Your mentors[/I]: Aaryanna_Mom, Shy, indifference.

These methods are all vastly different, but they have on thing in common - none of them use vaguely Japanese or anime-orientated screennames. Having a screenname at OTAKUBoards that references Japan in anyway is usually a death sentence, and only the truly 5|<1ll3D can overcome it. Also, they all involve inordinate amounts of using your brain - that helps a lot. Enjoy![/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Sara]

[color=#b0000b][b]Method 4: Develop a creepy cult of stalkers.[/b]

If you're one of the beautiful people, this is the easiest attention to get, but the hardest to get rid of. Simply post a picture of yourself in one of the recurring [i]Photos of you![/i] threads, and let the compliments roll in. It will take several photographs to get [i]firmly[/i] established as an internet celebrity, but after that, you're golden. Once you've arrived, people will revere you for your beauty long after your original picture thread has been locked and forgotten. It doesn't matter if you contribute to the boards in any other way?you can be one of the most active, intelligent people on OB, or one of the most vapid and annoying?people will only remember you as their "hot geeky girl on teh interwebs!" fantasy.

[i]Your mentors[/i]: Juuthena, Babygirl[/color]

[Shy]

[size=1][b]Method 5: Be gay (or just think you might be!)[/b]

OtakuBoards has always had gay members. Lots of them. However, many of these members didn't realize they are gay until visiting the site, and as a result the entire community is forced to sit through their long and difficult proccess of self acceptance.

Perhaps anime message boards just attract a lot of homosexuals, or maybe it's your Dad's fault. Who knows? Since gays are always defending themselves and their lifestyle, they are prone to becoming strong writers and debaters. This makes them strong candidates for staff positions [spoiler](and other kinds of positions, too.)[/spoiler] While some OB gays are on the "D.L." others are loud and proud of their sexual orientation. Decide which method works for you, because being gay is a surefire way to become an OB superstar!

OB gays can be usually be identified by a clever (or sometimes not so clever) declaration of their homoseuxality in their avatars and/or signatures. Also be on the lookout for gender-neutral pronouns when they describe their lovelife and/or "type."

[i]Your mentors:[/i] Transtic Nerve, Sandy, Shy.[/size]

[Raiha]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid][font=times]Wouldn't Desbreko also qualify for method number four? I think he would.

I suppose it's better to be a serious jerk than a Troll, although I can't think of any title more fitting for Charles. I mean honestly, who has he NOT offended ever?

[b]Method Six: Be an Argumentative Slut.[/b]

Manage to always insult others while drawing from both method two and three. Chances are you're rude and cruel to others because you're young, acned, and unattractive to the opposite sex as well as your own. You post in every thread that doesn't need you, because you feel that you're needed anyway and that your arguments have some merit. Your OB life however will be very short, because you'll soon be banned or on your way to being banned. Additionally, you will most likely have a nemesis that gets you and the other into serious trouble. This is why you are/have been banned.

[i]Mentors:[/i] Copycatalyst, Alex, Mnemolth, Transtic Nerve[/font][/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange][B]Method Seven: Be a Douche[/B]

It's not hard to get people to notice you if your always there. It also helps if you're a total douche. Just go out there and purposefully be completely ignorant and disagree with as many intelligent opinions as possible. Eventually, people will be like, "hey, that gues a douche" but at least [i]everyone[/i] knows you're a douche.

[B]Mentors[/B]: 21st Century Digital Boy, Premonition, Kazuwa_Nomura[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR=Navy][B]Method 8: post sapmmy-ness for about 10 posts, then show them your skillz.[/B]

If you post complete stupidity then later show that you can post, you just might find stardom. This example can be seen in the past where members that post excellent today, posted really bad a few years back. Just don't get too overboard, or the mods will have at you.
[B]
Mentors: Tical blue, Charles (from wat otakupedia told me)[/B][/COLOR]

[Zen]

[color=darkred][size=1]

[b][u]Method 9:[/b][/u] Be H-O-T, Attractive.

One of the oldest ways of being liked from the get go. Be good looking. It's not that complicated, and while tastes may differ, usually SOMEONE's going to like you for what your Mama gave ya. Sometimes it's unanimous, other times it's a small crowd of admirers. Hopefully it's the former for you.

Just don't be shy, and it should work... oh, and don't be a liar. No body likes an identity theft.

[b][u][i]Mentors:[/u][/i][/b]

Neuvoxraiha, Anomlay, SaiyanPrincessX, BabyGirl, Sandy, Annie, Revelation, Ezekiel, The Boss, Shy, Caoimhe, White, DeadSeraphim, Retribution (hawt).[/color][/size]

[Desbreko]

[quote name='Neuvoxraiha][COLOR=DarkOrchid][font=times]Wouldn't Desbreko also qualify for method number four? I think he would.[/font'][/COLOR][/quote][color=#4B0082]Almost, but not quite. I was already well known before my cult of fangirls really took off. This method fits me better:

[b]Method 10: Be obsessive and proud of it.[/b]
Find something to obsess about -- something [i]other[/i] than Naruto and Kingdom Hearts, mind you -- and display your obsession proudly. The more eccentric the obsession is, the more likely you are to get noticed. Take every opportunity to display a wide range of knowledge about your object of obsession, make references to it frequently, and find ways to relate it to other subjects of conversation. Keep it up consistently and you'll build a reputation as, "that person who's crazy about...." If your obsession happens to match up with one of the forums you'll also have a decent chance of becoming a moderator this way. Just be careful not to come off as a stupid fanboy/girl.

[i]Your mentors:[/i] Desbreko, Aaryanna, Charles[/color]

[Semjaza]

[B]Method 11: Be a mod
[/B]
Being a mod pretty much guarantees that regardless of your level of intelligence, strength of your sense of humor, writing ability, ability to use ridiculous font choices or general hygiene you will be liked and lauded by some group of people. Even if they don't understand the main point of your argument (assuming there is one at all), your very existence will be appreciated on some level. Expect numerous pointless PMs and IMs from out of the blue that are likely not welcome at all.

Weaknesses: Chances are that unless you're actually, genuinely likable this will disappear along with your title if you ever resign.

Mentors: Every mod ever.

[B]Method 12: Write an Awful Lot[/B]

If you write enough, most people will not have the time to actually read every last word of your post and thus assume you're the smartest person in the thread. You've automatically won whatever the debate entails by default in the eyes of more than half of the userbase and since popularity is all that matters you've essentially won at The Internet.

Mentors: Fill this in yourself. :mad:

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson][b]Method 13[/b]: Use an Army of Flying Monkeys

Using an army of flying monkeys to strong-arm your way into OB stardom is a concrete and well-used method of acquiring fame. Strutting your stuff physically or proving your intelligence is far too common for the likes of you. Simply arrive with your simian posse in tow and watch the compliments, friend invites and PMs roll in.

Weaknesses: Whole lotta falling poo.

Your mentors: Sephiroth, Sara, DeadSeraphim.[/color]

[Sandy]

Mwah, I'm loving this thread! XD Especially since my name is mentioned in so many categories... It rubs my ego just the right way. ;D

[QUOTE=2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=DarkOrange][B]Method Seven: Be a Douche[/B]

It's not hard to get people to notice you if your always there. It also helps if you're a total douche. Just go out there and purposefully be completely ignorant and disagree with as many intelligent opinions as possible. Eventually, people will be like, "hey, that gues a douche" but at least [i]everyone[/i] knows you're a douche.

[B]Mentors[/B]: 21st Century Digital Boy, Premonition, Kazuwa_Nomura[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but you guys aren't exactly members I'd call "superstars" here... ;P

[2010DigitalBoy]

[QUOTE=Sandy]Mwah, I'm loving this thread! XD Especially since my name is mentioned in so many categories... It rubs my ego just the right way. ;D

I'm sorry, but you guys aren't exactly members I'd call "superstars" here... ;P[/QUOTE]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]you might think that, but honestly, who here doesn't know who I am? The smart people know me because they always yell at me, the mods know me cuz I'm always in trouble, the new guys know me either cuz they've been posting in my threads, or because i've been getting mad at them for something, and everyone in between has to see me because I post in every category in pretty much every thread. I've got a black dot on eevry folder in sight, and I get referenced all the time these days. It may be more recent, but I think I've become recognized. Whereas my old profiles never got any attention, these days everyone knows who i be.

[B]Method 14: IM[/B]

Start IMing all the major members of the boards. Everyone seems to do it, and eventually youll be mentioned in someone's sig or have your own story based on the IM conversations in the anthology. There are members out there who expanded their popularity just be IMing someone like Charles or Shy frequently.[/COLOR]

[DeathKnight]

[quote name='2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=DarkOrange']Whereas my old profiles never got any attention, these days everyone knows who i be.[/COLOR][/quote]

[color=crimson]Walking down the street I know Mike the smelly hobo will be yelling at people, fighting another hobo or taking a nap as I have been forced to deal with him so many times.

That does not make him the superstar of the street. It makes him Mike the smelly hobo.

Do not confuse hobodom with superstardom.[/color]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[QUOTE=DeathKnight][color=crimson]Walking down the street I know Mike the smelly hobo will be yelling at people, fighting another hobo or taking a nap as I have been forced to deal with him so many times.

That does not make him the superstar of the street. It makes him Mike the smelly hobo.

Do not confuse hobodom with superstardom.[/color][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]>_> a hobo? Well, I had a list of things I could contest this with, but then I could think of at least one reason someone could counter each of them, so I guess i'm a smelly hobo... although according to indiff I'm acutally a rat...[/COLOR]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=goldenrod][quote name='2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=DarkOrange']>_> a hobo? Well, I had a list of things I could contest this with, but then I could think of at least one reason someone could counter each of them, so I guess i'm a smelly hobo... although according to indiff I'm acutally a rat...[/COLOR][/quote]I would have said infamous instead of stardom fits you DB. ^_~ Though since indifference put that rat bit in her signature...and since DeathKnight's hierarchy of arguers referred to you as being in the basement dealing with the rats, well it has put the more tangible nickname of [B]Rat Boy[/B] for you in my mind. lol

As for the lists...hehe, fun stuff. I especially liked Des's obsessive one. It really fits both him and Aaryanna as well as Charles with his CATitude. :catgirl:

Anyway...I don't have one to add since it seems that the others have already expressed what I was thinking beyond what Dead posted.[/COLOR]

[TheResplendent]

[QUOTE=DeathKnight][color=crimson]Walking down the street I know Mike the smelly hobo will be yelling at people, fighting another hobo or taking a nap as I have been forced to deal with him so many times.

That does not make him the superstar of the street. It makes him Mike the smelly hobo.

Do not confuse hobodom with superstardom.[/color][/QUOTE]

[font=tahoma]Indeed the best way to put it. Another way of saying it would be the difference between fame and infamy as SunfallE pointed out. But uh, I happen to be a fan of this example more.


Lesse, I fit into method three and twelve respectively, though most of my writing has been done in the adventure square for the majority of my duration here. Oh wait, method nine too *cough*. Heh, well I suppose I'll leave that for the ladies to decide.

In any case, I happen to agree with Des fitting into method four...I mean the dude has a fan club, who even made a website about him, and they sport it proudly in their sigs. In fact he even has a fanboy. I think that's the definition of cult of creepy stalkers :p. *protects self from SunfallE*
[/font]

[Rachmaninoff]

[QUOTE=BKstyles][font=tahoma]In any case, I happen to agree with Des fitting into method four...I mean the dude has a fan club, who even made a website about him, and they sport it proudly in their sigs. In fact he even has a fanboy. I think that's the definition of cult of creepy stalkers :p. *protects self from SunfallE*
[/font][/QUOTE]I'll have you know I'm not creepy. Or a stalker for that matter. >_> I just recognize that some guys have far better nad kicking abilities than I ever will. That and that thread theDailyOtaku nearly did me in. Damn if that wasn't one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Anyway...I'm not even going to try to imagine that I fit into a category. I'd rather not thank you very much. Having friends is one thing but being an Internet Superstar? Feh.

Oh and...[spoiler]You're just too much of a chicken to admit that Des is far cooler than you are BKstyles. j/k...or am I? [/spoiler] :p

[TheResplendent]

[QUOTE=Rachmaninoff]
Oh and...[spoiler]You're just too much of a chicken to admit that Des is far cooler than you are BKstyles. j/k...or am I? [/spoiler] :p[/QUOTE]

[font=tahoma]It's the long hair, isn't it >.>....damn you and your unholy prejudice.[/font]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial][B]Method Number Next:[/B] Don't Give a Flying Monkey's Arse

While not exactly a discipline for those who aspire to fame, this method will ensure that you remain unaffected by wherever you end up in the hierarchy of the internet. It's almost the same as Method Three, but with more [I]"meh,"[/I] involved.

Those who follow this method strictly will probably never even be aware that such a hierarchy exists, and so it is perfect for them.

[I]Your Mentors:[/I] How the devil should I know?[/FONT]

[Retribution]

[QUOTE=DeadSeraphim][COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial][B]Method 1: Be a serious jerk.[/B]
This method involves selling your sense of humour, having a one word screenname (names starting with 'R' with some vaguely authoritive conotations are a good bet) and posting in a small font. If you take this route, you're never allowed to join in on any humourous threads and you're gonna have to overreact to trolling in such a severe manner that you end up looking like an arsehole instead of the troll - it's cool though, cause people will expect that from you. You're on a grand crusade against the trolling menace, and if anyone gets caught in the crossfire, they know that this is war, and there will be casualties. RPing at a rate of a million RPs per minute will also help. You will have a great chance at becoming a mod this way.

[I]Your mentors[/I]: Sandy, Retribution, Neuvoxraiha.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[size=1]I know you're making a statement, but I can't help laughing at it. I love you too, Dead.[/size]

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR=goldenrod][QUOTE=Desbreko][color=#4B0082][b]Method 10: Be obsessive and proud of it.[/b]
Find something to obsess about -- something [i]other[/i] than Naruto and Kingdom Hearts, mind you -- and display your obsession proudly. The more eccentric the obsession is, the more likely you are to get noticed. Take every opportunity to display a wide range of knowledge about your object of obsession, make references to it frequently, and find ways to relate it to other subjects of conversation. Keep it up consistently and you'll build a reputation as, "that person who's crazy about...." If your obsession happens to match up with one of the forums you'll also have a decent chance of becoming a moderator this way. Just be careful not to come off as a stupid fanboy/girl.

[i]Your mentors:[/i] Desbreko, Aaryanna, Charles[/color][/QUOTE]Hehe! You know it! Damn straight I'm crazy about my dog! How can I not be when she's the cutest thing ever? :catgirl: [quote name='BKstyles][font=tahoma']It's the long hair, isn't it >.>....damn you and your unholy prejudice.[/font][/quote]Oh how uneducated you are my friend. It take more than long hair to make a person worthy of being worshiped. Nad kicking abilities are a must as well as a wicked sense of humor. And if that isn't enough...this record of pure pawnage is sure to convince you that Des more than earns his title of the Great Desbreko. [URL=http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=851CEB232B0011D1]Click![/URL] Des completely and totally rules. :p[/COLOR]

[Charles]

[B]Get Banned In a Spectacular Way[/B]

Some members actually acquire more "fame" once they have been banned. Although momentary fame often accompanies a public banning, this category uniquely belongs to members who are remembered for years after their banning. Hilarious/bizarre/supremely obnoxious situations much surround the banning of a member in this hierarchy of shame. Former staff member, kuja, is remembered for receiving a banning for threatening to sue Adam and James for his removal from the staff. Zeh, another staff member, is remembered for impersonating the administrators and offering members jobs. Alex is often remembered for mass flaming members and fighting with James in dozens of essay-length posts about a video game before getting banned.

Mentors: Rick Hunter, kuja, Poisontongue, zeh, shift

[BlueYoshi]

[color=darkred]*guilty of falling from method 3 to 2*

[b]Using a font colour that could glow in the dark[/b]

People think it's cool, unique, and gives you an identity, but it is just [b]annoying[/b]. It's barely readable and results in having to highlight the text in order to read it, not that it helps much. This and Method 7 go hand in hand.

Mentors: 2007DigitalBoy, 2007DigitalBoy, 2007DigitalBoy, 2007DigitalBoy, 2007DigitalBoy[/color]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[quote name='Bombu][color=darkred']People think it's cool, unique, and gives you an identity, [/color][/quote]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]That has nothing to do with it >_> I started with this color because I joined with the name [B]F.O.Y[/B]. standing for [B]Flourecent Optic Yellow [/B] becasue I was basing my image off of traffic signs. This was because of my drivers ed class. I had bright yellow in my sig, but I decided that in my posts I would have to be at least readable, so I went with orange. I never changed it, because one thing I've always hated is when people change their font entirely and their old posts don't match their new ones. For rps, though, i use special colors, and when I did Nonentity I posted in black for posts I planned on disowning later.

also, both the13thman and wet cement use this color. Personally, I think when the 13thman uses it it's even more annoying than when I do >_>[/COLOR]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

[QUOTE=DeadSeraphim][COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial][B]Method 3: Have half a brain.[/B]
As has been shown time and time again, if you actually use your ****ing head once in a while, you'll have no problems making friends and influencing people. This is the least travelled route for reasons unknown, but you can be pretty sure if you try it you'll become internet famous in no time. There's no prerequisites, but having a screenname that is vaguely ominous sounding usually helps. Also, not resorting to trolling when bored as well - some of our best trolls once used this method, but later joined the dark side (largely cause this method can get shockingly boring if you've got nothing better to do). Chances of moddom are high, but not as high as being a serious jerk.

[I]Your mentors[/I]: Aaryanna_Mom, Shy, indifference.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]o_O Well that's something that had never occurred to me. Especially since I don't consider myself famous at all. Rather I think of the forum itself as being famous.

Hmmm....as for the other methods. I do have to admit that ten fits my daughter. Her and Aaryanna are inseparable. But then I think it's adorable. lol

As for nine. Uh...yeah, seeing what some of you kids used in your pictures, even if it's censored... That is completely and totally not hot. [QUOTE=BKstyles][font=tahoma]In any case, I happen to agree with Des fitting into method four...I mean the dude has a fan club, who even made a website about him, and they sport it proudly in their sigs. In fact he even has a fanboy. I think that's the definition of cult of creepy stalkers :p. *protects self from SunfallE*
[/font][/QUOTE]And to think it was my daughters idea to even form the fan club in the first place. But still she's not a creepy stalker I'll have you know. ;)