Bing Posted November 30, 2002 Posted November 30, 2002 This is my poem of feelings during a minute of silence we had for something. We have them so much over here, I forget what it was.... This hate and anger costs us so many lives, Husband's killed, leaving there children and their wives, Is your disagreement worth all this pain, Families ruined, Is this world going insane, So, from is disaster, what do we get, Hate, anger, memories we want to forget, But this lousy minute, some mark of peace? No, just a rewards for you morbid creeps...
Sere Tuscumbia Posted November 30, 2002 Posted November 30, 2002 It's a nice poem, but you've got some grammatical errors, and some of it doesn't seem to flow smoothly. If it's possible, you should try to expand on the poem, and turn it into a song instead. It's got a wonderful rhyme scheme, and a sense of balance that could easily be turned into something greater than it already is. But, otherwise, I really do like it! ^_^ --Sere
Bing Posted November 30, 2002 Author Posted November 30, 2002 Thanks for your positive comments guys. It's my first piece of poetry I have ever done outside of school. I just fed up, because in England, we have minute of silence for EVERYTHING tragic that happens. Maybe you guys could add some to it, and try and improve my errors!
Shinobi Posted December 1, 2002 Posted December 1, 2002 Wow, that's great, i know what it was for, WWII we had it here in Scotland also. But the poem, wow! i love the last line, brilliant.
Bing Posted December 1, 2002 Author Posted December 1, 2002 Yer WWII, that was it, I think! We had them for Milly Dowler, Holly and Jessica (two girls that went missing and were killed) and for September 11th (even though that weren't even in England) I feel strongly about the Milly Dowler thing though, as I know lots of her mates, and my friend, who is a moderator here, knew her from there secondary school. She went to a school in our area, and we live very close to that train station, so it's like, right on our doorstep's really. Well, I am still trying to remember what Minute it was from...:P
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