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Castration: A Modest Proposal For Population Control


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~A Modest Proposal for Curbing Population Growth~

Castration is never a fun or pleasant experience. However, it is something necessary to curb population growth. Of course, population growth is a minor concern when we have things such as nuclear weapons and lethal diseases such as anthrax and the Ebola virus. Still, castration is necessary. But how far is too far? How much is too much? Have we castrated too many? No.

There are some individuals in this country who would strongly disagree with me on the issue of castration. They say that mutilation of a man?s genitalia is wrong. They say that it is cruel and unusual punishment. Well, my retort to them would be they are impotent. Their penal tissue is of weak organ. My advice to them is be silent or be castrated.

And castration is not unheard of. It is not an abstract concept. Dogs are neutered, that is to say, their testes are removed, as is what a castration involves. Why do those who oppose my opinion not raise their voices up against castration of dogs? Now I am not comparing dogs to humans. I would never compare dogs to humans, for I regard the dog too highly, and have much respect for the dog.

Now, castration is the solution to the surplus population.

I propose castration of all males when they reach puberty. If this is not feasible, then my next proposition is castration at birth. That may seem cruel and unusual, however, and those opposed to cruel and unusual punishment would no doubt take up arms against my brilliant idea.

I assure you, I am supported by many individuals and by many groups who wish to curb this radical growth in the population. Many have voiced their support. I am backed completely by Donald Jefferson, Head Chairperson of the N.O.G (National Organization of Gelders), and I have the complete support of many others, including William Jefferson Clinton, Michael Tyson, and Michael Jackson.

Mr. Clinton has expressed much interest in my proposition. Although I suspect his motives are questionable. My idea is not as new nor as abstract as one may think. Former Attorney General Carla Stovall, in 1998, urged the Senate to approve legislation that would allow the use of "chemical castration" in an effort to prevent sex offenders from repeating their crimes. I ask you, why limit this to sex offenders? Why should we only prevent a small percentage of the population from having children?

I have been in contact with Ms. Stovall these past years, and I am able to say that I have her complete and unwavering support in my quest for national castration.

Our population is growing exponentially. We must find a way to curb this rapid population surge that has taken our country and world by storm. My proposition is a radical one, but a necessary next step in population control. Without my method, our country is sure to fall from economic strain due to our citizens breeding like jackrabbits in heat. So, I beg of you, be castrated.

And if you cannot be castrated, then please, castrate someone in your family, for the good of the world rests in the balance.
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