Writing Boogiepop's poems

[Boogiepop]

here is one of my poems i dont have a title

I stand here dark and alone with all my feeling
the way I feel is unbearable
so I hide in my sheets from my fears
so that maybe I can catch a butterfly of light to take me away
away from a place where I donft belong
a place I wish to be is out there
a place I belong
but the angel of dark destroys my wings
so that I can see only darkness

please give me some feed back:crying:

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Well, it's short and sweet, which can be good, and can be bad. For instance, it makes it easier to read, but you lack some detail that could be added with a longer poem.

But onward.

I particularly like the line [i]so I hide in my sheets from my fears[/i]; it brings about a degree of realism -- most, if not all, have hidden in our sheets at some point.

My other favorite point is the phrasing in [i]But the angel of dark destroys my wings[/i]. You can have used [i]But the dark angel destroys my wings[/i], however, it would have sounded less lyrical.

On the whole -- it, like every other piece of writing ever written, can be improved, but it was very well done. ^_^[/size]

[Guest dayday]

Like it. Reminds me of the ones me and Ruby be doing in our threads. I think she wrote one just like that last week.