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Writing Constructive Criticism on my Poems

Evil Pancakes

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...What the title says.
These are untitled, cos they're sort of works in progress.

Cringe from the wind
My flowerchild
Sway your lashes in the cacophony
As the howls penetrate your mouth
And erupt from your jowls
Like bloody cattails
You snap your limbs.
Will you break, my flowerchild?
Pretend your way out of this labyrinth
Smarting as your pace beckons as a leper
Cold fingers cracking.
Will your shadows forbid?
The metal is screaming
Deforming the scars
Carved into your rinds
Flirting with flesh and bone
Drinking in your sweet petals
And rotting the soul beneath.


Beloved, do you know you uninspired me
As I conspire
The bleak words fall
From your bleak mouth
And I recall
Being subjected to your
Wearisome mechanics
Implying monotonous words
Over your tedious eyes.
Beloved, do you see the world around you?
Are you in black and white
Or have you failed to attempt to try?
What poetic spawn
Is yet to resound
From your oiled joints
Rubbing alcohol
Your ivory rubber gloves.
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