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Writing Start of first ch. of first book(need feedback))


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if u actually read all 4 pages, thanx.(u probably wont):confused:

At the dawn of time the creator gave the world to pieces to a puzzle. A gift maybe but it would not seem so. The creator made them so that as long as both were hidden and kept out of capable hands, the battle between good and evil would be at a stand still. Both sides would only have a certain amount of force over the world, weather it was in one single person of enormous power or many of little. The first piece, a crown of woven, intertwined snakes with all their green eyed heads facing up and outwards on an upper outer ring. Tails sticking out at the bottom to hold on to a wearers head. The snakes were so intertwined that none could ever copy or comprehend the pattern. So intricate was the pattern was, to try and copy it on paper was to go mad. The second was a perfect sphere, only the diameter of a human hand. Darker than pitch the sphere seemed to take the light from a room. So dark was this sphere that you could see into it forever. There was not a glare or reflection on its black surface. Nothing done to each would have any affect, not a scratch would ever mark their surfaces.

CH. 1 turmoil
"Darkness only conquers when good men fail to produce light"
Rashin von'coor , 457.

Rushing through the castle he ran towards the Hall of Light. Clad in well shined steel armor with the signature blue lightning bolt on the upper left side of his breast plate. Not caring about the long sword smacking into his leg he ran with only one concern, get to the hall as soon as possible. As he flew past he did not even acknowledge the extravagant tapestries that lined the large white hallway. The Hall of Light, most men even men that lived in the palace or worked there would take seconds to just stare in awe at it. The enormous size was not the only thing that caught peoples eyes. The size of a town square, covered in ornate carvings and statues. Every inch of the granite walls were carved and even imbedded with precious stones. He did not even look up from the patterned floor. Stammering, almost gagging on the words he hoarsely shouted at the king.
"Sir, it.. it is missing "
Sitting in his throne two heads above the guard, the king spoke with a sharp accusing tone. A slightly round man in one of the most expensive and extraordinary cloaks and breaches, asked. "What?" A man who used to be good looking and muscular, a man who had had his experience in battle. A man who was not scared of most anything.
Shamefully examining the polished marble floor the guard whispered "the serpents".
"No my young sir you must be confused, they are not gone now are they?"
"But, but sir, I checked myself, they are gone without a trace."
"No" blood draining from his face the white haired king slumped in his chair. wispering so as no one within range could hear "It can't be no". "NO!" he shouted "no it, ...it isn't gone" a little more vigor in his voce, but the dread still remained. The thought that it was gone kept coming up no matter how hard he tried to think of something else, nothing came. The feelings soon came to him in strong waves, almost taking him over completely. Dread, dread came so strong, swallowing him up. He couldn't breath, then gasping for air when he did. Soon denial, denial, he didn't, wouldn't even comprehend what would or had happened if, if it really was gone. No, it's still in the vault, it cant be gone, can't be. But what if it is. what can I do? more to the point what can it do in someone else's hands. What can it do? The last thought would not remain unanswered, to his disappointment.
For hundreds, maybe even thousands of years it had sat in the same spot on the wall down in the vault. No one really knew what it was, but they did know it was dangerous beyond comprehension. Why would someone want something so worthless because they couldn't use it. Countless Hith Zains had sat in the only chair in the vault and put every ounce of knowledge and power they had into trying to figure out how to use it. But to no avail, no one even knew the name of it anymore, just The Serpents.
A tale was told before the fathers father of the king was born. The creator had given the crown to the hall of light so it would be used in times of conflict between good and evil. A man as it was once said, had found out how it was to work. Soon though he tried to take it with him when he was leaving. The king asked why, he said it was his, through a knife a the king and ran for the door. A guard took his head off at the door. The knowledge of the crown went down into drain with his blood.

Walking along the dusty road toward his house Lithan spotted his mother out by his house hanging up his cloths on the line. Their house was only four rooms, Lithans room, his parents, the kitchen, and a small woodshed he and his father had added to the house a couple years before to replace the one in the barn. The barn had three stalls and a "tool shed" in the fourth. The stalls were occupied by their two horses Tim and Pete, his mother had named them. The third stall was occupied by Bess their dairy cow. Only a small bench occupied the fourth stall, with the tools hanging on hooks in the wall.
A tall muscular farm boy, Lithan had a deep brown mat of hair. A polite smile and his fathers blue eyes and as his father put it "his striking good looks". He wore his usual green wool shirt with brown breaches, and a dark brown cloak. To complete the set he wore his beloved cap of wolf fur and wool to keep his long hair out of his face. Deeply breathing in the sweet autumn air, he waited just a moment before letting it out again.
Slamming into his side, something hit him with alarming brutality. Grabbing what he thought to be an arm he wrestled with it only to find a grinning dust covered face staring at him.
"Bant" holding the "a" in annoyance. "Why can't you greet me like a normal person does?"
"Cus ur ugly" he snickered.
Bant was just as tall as Lithan and just as strong. Black hair curling out of his leather cap over his ears. Bant had startling green eyes, that made him a favorite of the towns girls. They would always sit close to him and stare into his eyes, giggling when he noticed them. He always wore dark brown and black if he could find it. At his belt sat the only knife between them. A small sharp silver hilted knife that his mother had given him after his father had died.
Throwing Bant off him Lithan pulled himself together. Grabbing the coin purse he had been carrying back from the market. "Bant, want to come over for dinner?" It was not really a question. Bant usually found his way over to Lithans' house around dinner time.
They made their way around the barn toward the back of the house to chop some wood for the fire that they had every evening.
When Nina came around the house to check to see how we were, Bant asked the same question he always did and had the same joyful glint in his eyes. " What's fer supper?"
Nina, Lithans mother, was a typical farm wife. Slightly round she was not fat. Her motherly face and smile hinted at the girl she used to be. Always one to laugh, she brought joy to the old soldier whom she had married. Growing up not more than four leagues from where they lived when she was a country girl.
"Duck soup and potatoes "
"Sounds great!" Bant said with real gratitude.
Bant's mom didn't mind at all if he stayed over, if he did his chores. She always said to him "if the feed you, that's good cus I won't" she'd laugh and ask why not have Lithan over some times.
Alana, Bants mother had grown up with Nina, and had also married a soldier. That soldier was Jekt, Bant's father and Leon's best friend and comrade in arms.

At dinner the talk turned from things around the farm to matters of the kingdom.
" Lithan have you heard that the serpents are missing?" Leon said
"No, no way .....why would-"
His father cut him off before he could say more "we don't know we ...just don't know son" with a sigh he went on "many people say that it, .....it was them the, ...the" his voice trailed off into muttering.
"It can't be them dad, they were banished into the Darkness"
"NO, ..it isn't them and we all know that now stop starting a fright" Nina said firmly. "None of us really knows what happened. The guards didn't say a thing, and the king just confirmed that it is gone." she said with finality. "It changes nothing"
"We don't know what it changes." Lithan stated.
"No matter, the problem now is that the Kilf army has driven deep in from the border. They seem to have gotten smarter or, or something because our forces haven't stopped them once" he said paleing. "You know in three weeks at this rate ..they will be here"
"Don't you say that Leon, stop scaring the boys" she said with a scowl.
"Mom we should know the truth, it helps to know the truth" Lithan stated.
Speaking for the first time Bant spoke softly "if they really are coming then ...we might need some, some" finishing barely whispering "weapons."
"That may be a good idea boy. If they get too close" he looked at his wife with a sorrowful face. "But it should not come to that, the Sithyan army stands between us. Our army won't let 'em through" he said proudly. Boasting he stated "Our boys wont let em through. As of now our army stands at forty thousand strong."
"It hasn't stopped them once though has it?" Lithan said crushing his dads smile into a frown.
"We only lost because those were just out posts..and they were not well equipped" it seemed like he was trying to change his own mind though. Leon had been in the army for four years as a For Tack soldier. He had over a thousand enemy kills, but you would never have known it from his smiling everything is good attitude. Leon had never told his son about those times out front though. He rarely ever even talked about any of it.
Changing the subject Lithan told about the days events. " pa we made twelve silvers today, that's more than ever."
"Son, the times are getting hard, people like good producs." frowning down at his soup, he went on. "Times are getting harder, with the land our kingdom is losing every day grain is going to become very expensive." with a cold haunted look in his eyes that actually scared Lithan, his father asked the boys. "How old are you two?"
"Fifteen they both replied."
"Its a little late but I think I can train you." and so as none could hear. "Damn it Jekt why did u have to leave us."
"What was that dad"
"Just a call for help"
Even though Lithan wanted to ask, he couldn't because of the deep heartache he saw in his fathers eyes. Bant must have heard because he had the same look about him then it dawned on him his father was asking Bants for help. The deafening silence lasted the three minutes until Leon spoke. "Boys, tomorrow we will go to an old friend of mine. You all know Duain, the most skilled swordsmaker in the world if you ask me."
"That old guy cant even make a good horseshoe. How can he make a sword?" Bant asked.
"That "old guy" is the finest swordsmaker I have ever known. He is also a friend of mine from the war. The guy hates horseshoes, that's why he doesn't make them.
"Oh sorry sir, I didn't know"
"No matter, but eat up boys, you'll need your strength for tomorrow's lessons." Leon said with a smile. " I plan to get there at the crack of dawn."
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