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Writing My own story to tell!


Burori
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I'm not sure if this is aloud or not but here's a story I've worked on for three years stright. Please give me your thoughts on it.
[FONT=times new roman][COLOR=darkblue]
Chapter 1: The Beginning

This tale is told before man was aware of them. This story takes place during and before the Great War between the Dwarfs and the leprechauns. Why do you ask? It all started many, many years ago before man knew of life, a leprechaun and dwarf friends since birth vowed that both sides would always help each other no matter what it is without question. When they made this pact a beautiful goddess came for the heavens, and placed on their heads an amulet then she said, "These amulets are to be given to the first of your children. They will keep you and your family safe." After saying this she floated up to the heavens, knowing what's done is now done.

The two friends thought of this as good fortune and went home waiting the day their first child would be born. Then came the day when they did. It was a joyful sight to see the two friends placing the gifts upon the two newborns. However once the gifts were placed on the children the sky turned dark and thunder began to rage. Then a dark mist began to surround them making them all to shrivel in fear, because they knew the two evil gods that all feared to say their names has returned. They had to do something; suddenly a thought struck one of the friends.

"We must trap them, in the name of Karna our father we have to trap them." He said to his friend and their tribes they all nodded but one asked. "But how?"

Then a bright light just appeared out of nowhere blinding them all for a second. Following the light, the same beautiful goddess appeared before them all. Then she spoke in a clear confident voice. "My name is Karia, daughter of Karna, sister of Kanra and Kenra the two evil ones, I have come to give advice to you all so please listen well. There is only one way of way to imprison them so listen carefully. First you must separate them."

"But how? They're inseparable?"

" There are many ways, most leading to a sacrifice. However there is a safe way." Spoke the goddess. "Only the two beings I gave the gifts to can do what I am about to say."

" Tell us," said the two friends eagerly.

" First the dwarfs must forge chains. The best you can make."

After she said that 20 dwarfs took off to their blacksmiths.

" And the leprechauns must be the ones to seal the tomb you are to place them in."

Then 10 leprechauns took off to gather up their strongest magic they could make.

"And you two must find a rare flower. Unfortunately, Gods and the ones they choose can only find the bottom blue rose. This means, you and your friend are the only ones that can go and find it. However, you must be quick because we don't have a lot of time. My brothers will find out about this treachery."

" Don't worry majesty we won't let you down."

" Yah leave it to us."

After they said their good-byes they set on the mission at hand to find the bottom blue rose. For what seemed like a day of preparation were a few hours. Everything was ready except for the flower.

"Everything is ready and prepared my lady."

" Good. Nevertheless, where is the flower? What's taking those two so long?" After those words came out her lips the two friends returned with the flower, and with a look of triumph in their eyes.
" Here we are. We have the flower. It was difficult but we have it." Yelled one of them.

" Good, now take the petals off the flower and place them carefully into this pot and mash them until it becomes a powder. After you do that, sprinkle the powder over the chains that the dwarfs had just forged. They followed her directions and sprinkled the powder on to the chains.

" Good work, now all you have to do is say these ancient words together. Nora, Kara, Ne Gara."

"Nora, Kara, Ne Gara." They all said. When those words were spoken, the chains started to glow a strange color. Suddenly a heavy wind picked up. Moreover, when it settled two evil figures emerged from the dust.

" Kenra! Kanra!"

" Karia, you traitor. How dare you side with these mortals!"?

" How dare you interfere with their lives?"

" That's none of your concern,"

"You both killed our mother. THIS IS MY CONCERN. NOW THROW THE CHAINS." The entire tribes obeyed and threw the chains at the two evil gods. As they drew closer they opened like magic, closed, and locked up their arms and legs, making the gods lose their balance.

" How dare you mortals."

"When we free ourselves we will kill you all for this insolence." Spat Kenra. As both Kanra and himself was repelled into the air then split up to their unfortunate prisons on both sides of the dwarf and leprechaun's village.[/FONT] [/color]
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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest MoTerror
wow...... your story is much better than your poems... no harm intended, but wow...... you really got me into it bro..... i loved it..... very well explained and well handled, you truly have the writers' gift.
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  • 2 weeks later...
[FONT=times new roman][COLOR=darkblue]
Chapter 2: destiny
" IF you listen very carefully you can still hear those two yelling and ordering others to release them so they can fulfill their promise to kill all life."

" But dad that's just a tale? Isn't it?"

"Yah Uncle Ken it's just a story."

"(Started to chuckle). What about those amulets you're wearing around your necks eh. Don't you think maybe just maybe you could be the first borns?"

" (Laughs) Yah right dad us the chosen ones. That's rich, eh Shelk?"

"(Laughs) yes it is."

"If you don't believe it fine go to bed then it's way past your bed time."

" Okay. Good night Uncle Ken. Good night dad."

"Good night Uncle Kan. Good night dad."

"Good night you two." Said the two tired fathers.

After the two kids were out of sight. Kan, the leader of the Dwarfs turned to his friend Ken, the leader of the leprechauns, however they both didn't know their conversation was being listened to. " I can't believe it Ken, after all those years those two are still trapped in those temples." He said as he looked out towards the Forbidden Zone.

" I know Ken. To think we actually imprisoned them, and with the help of their very own sister Karia." He replied as he lighted his pipe.

" Still I have this evil chill in my spine telling and warning me that they're up to something."

" (Laughs) losing your touch, Ken?"

" I guess." Replied Ken still looking at the Forbidden Zone.

"Wow so the story was true then Shelk." Sheltek said excitedly. However, quiet enough that so their fathers don't hear them.
" That means we are the first borns Sheltek."

" We are part of a legend and we both didn't even know about it."

" Lets go to bed before either one of our fathers hears us or
worst finds us up here."

" Good idea Shelk." Then they took off silently to their rooms. Their father's voices still echoing into their rooms yet, not loud enough to listen to.

Meanwhile in the forbidden zone, where all life refused to flourish... Nothing grew nor shone there for this was the imprisonment of the two gods. However, there was one creature that visited these tombs. A creature known to be dumbfounded, he was messenger who traveled from one side to the other so the gods wouldn't be alone. Then one day Kenra had a plan.

"Tell my brother my pet that we shall cast a spell of hatred upon all the inhabitants of the villages and make them attack each other's neighbor until they kill every single one. Now go my pet."
"Yes master," said the little goblem. Then it took off to tell Kanra the plan leaving Kenra talking to himself. "That will teach those pathetic mortals to betray us gods, and as for my sister Karia I will deal with her personally. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

However, what Kenra didn't know was that Karia had heard everything he said to the goblem and took off to warn the Chosen Ones. However, she had to shapeshift into a more suitable being so that she wouldn't get attention from others. So she took off to Ken's home where Kan was visiting.

Finally she got there and knocked on the door hoping someone was home. She was about to fear for the worst until she heard,

"What in the name of Karna. Do you people know what time of the day it is?" "By the Gods." Then she heard footsteps approaching the door. "What in the blue blazes do you . . ."

Suddenly Ken stopped talking when he saw her right there and now he knew who she was. "My lady. Please forgive me my lady of I ever knew."

"You are forgiven my friend I have bad news, my brothers are planning an attack."

"Knowing them they're up to no good" came a voice inside the house. The goddess was a little worried until Kan's face appeared at the entrance. "Please come in Karia."

Meanwhile, upstairs in Shelk's room, "hey, Sheltek are you awake?"

"Yes"

"I hear a different voice downstairs. It sounds like a female."

"Let's go take a look." So the two crept out of bed and tiptoed towards the handrail to hear better.

"So," came a voice from below, "what are they planning mistress?"

"War."
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