Jump to content
OtakuBoards

The Golden Heart


Guest sieg
 Share

Recommended Posts

:bawl: Yami has a pure heart of gold.
:bawl: Yami has meny freinds to help
him fight.
:bawl: Yami is sweet, kind, freindly,
careing and he is so fine, I mean for girls.
:love::love::angel::bawl::blush:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not too keen on internet poetry, but smilies really don't work in poetry. I'm even reading it, on the internet, and the smilies just don't fit. Then again, this entire poem is lackluster. Keep trying, and try to convey your ideas within a poetic form, instead of a complete one.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

sieg, I'm going to assume that this is a Yu-Gi-Oh poem.

Alright. First of all, it would probably help your readers if you indicated what fandom you're writing for--or if "Yami" is actually a character of your own creation.

I wholeheartedly agree with AzureWolf. You should attempt to convey emotion through your use of the English language, not through smilies.

Finally, computers come with spellcheckers for a reason.

~Dagger~
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was okay I guess, but like DaggerIX1 said, check your spelling.
Also check the punctuation. The way you used commas made the poem feel rushed. The way the first two lines are written is repetative, and the last line is completely unexpected, and has almost nothing to do with the rest. Also, yes, try to use words instead of smilies.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...