Guest sieg Posted October 12, 2003 Posted October 12, 2003 :bawl: Yami has a pure heart of gold. :bawl: Yami has meny freinds to help him fight. :bawl: Yami is sweet, kind, freindly, careing and he is so fine, I mean for girls. :love::love::angel::bawl::blush:
AzureWolf Posted October 12, 2003 Posted October 12, 2003 I'm not too keen on internet poetry, but smilies really don't work in poetry. I'm even reading it, on the internet, and the smilies just don't fit. Then again, this entire poem is lackluster. Keep trying, and try to convey your ideas within a poetic form, instead of a complete one.
Dagger Posted October 12, 2003 Posted October 12, 2003 sieg, I'm going to assume that this is a Yu-Gi-Oh poem. Alright. First of all, it would probably help your readers if you indicated what fandom you're writing for--or if "Yami" is actually a character of your own creation. I wholeheartedly agree with AzureWolf. You should attempt to convey emotion through your use of the English language, not through smilies. Finally, computers come with spellcheckers for a reason. ~Dagger~
Bio Posted October 12, 2003 Posted October 12, 2003 It was okay I guess, but like DaggerIX1 said, check your spelling. Also check the punctuation. The way you used commas made the poem feel rushed. The way the first two lines are written is repetative, and the last line is completely unexpected, and has almost nothing to do with the rest. Also, yes, try to use words instead of smilies.
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