Writing Silver Kiss

[Blackittenus]

watched you
wanted you
captured you
held you close
not close enough
drifting into a mist

[Blackittenus]

small prick
sharp pain
suprising shock
sheer ecstacy
smuldering heat
such lust
silver kiss

[Blackittenus]

can you guess now what it means.... what's a silver kiss? Describe it for yourself.

[AzureWolf]

When some computer hardware isn't working the right way, and you punch it. The rest of the feelings are a result of the metal in your blood. Am I right? ;)

My only recommendation is to get rid of the "a" in the four word line, and everything should be peachy.

[Guest Skyechild91]

::bonks Azure Wolf:: NO dork! Its about wanting someone, getting them, then drifting apart! Or is it a dream.. anywhoo, stop dubble posting and evrithing is good to go!

[Dagger]

I once read a book called "The Silver Kiss" (well, something to that effect), so the first thing that comes to mind is vampiric love....

Or maybe that's not what your poem's about. >_>

I agree with AzureWolf's suggestion. "Drifting into mist" flows far better than "drifting into a mist." Besides, that really enhances the assonance of "drift" and "mist."

Also, it's "smoldering," not "smuldering," and "surprising," not "suprising."

~Dagger~

[Blackittenus]

hehehe sorry, I was typing too fast, I always forget to check spelling. It's always about me getting down what I feel.
~the first ones about a guy i let get away even though I loved him, I still haven't been able to find him
~the second ones about blood lust

(P.S. Dagger, I think I read that book too, I love vampires)