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Writing A slightly depressing/inspiring poem


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[font=arial]Hey, it rhymes! Yea, I haven't done a rhyming poem in a while, or... [i]A poem[/i], but I thought it was good enough to post. Enjoy. Oh, I'd also like some comments.[/font]
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[color=gray][size=1][font=century]Holding On

All you, staring at me
Tell me, how can you see?
I'm really not that different anymore

Tell me, how can you tell
That I'm such an angel?
I'm not so full of life anymore

What happened that day,
The day I gave my life away?
To save the others from the fall

I can no longer see
the difference between you and me
I just can't stay here anymore

So, I've done some good things,
Why do I feel so bad?

The darkness in my heart is beating strong,
Ever since that day, when I gave my life away

How, can you see into me
I'm not that simple,
you'll find, I'm not that different anymore

This darkness in my heart may be beating strong,
But I've got to hold on

You may think you've got me,
And that you understand
Well it's really not as simple as that

I've been poisoned since that day
The day my soul gave way
And I am still holding strong

The quavering darkness may be near,
And my heart will have to find a place to take hold

I may be fighting a war
Against the one who tore my soul apart
But I've still been here all along
I'm still here, through it all[/color][/font][/size]
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[font=arial]Heh, thanks. I wasn't really aiming for dark, though, more like orange. If that makes sense. Eh, more like a kind of life is drag, I'm bored, I'm losing perspective, there's nothing to do type of thing. Heh, it rhymed! I still can't get over that...[/font]
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I take it as you don't usually rhyme in your poems then? To me it wasn't so dark or depressin as to inspiring. Boardom, dirfting, and inspiring is more like it. ^^ Anyway, very nice poem Arch. You've done a great job in the writing format, and it flow when reading very nicely. I can't write anything that compares to this, let alone ryhyme. But a few more words could of ryhmed better.The organe phrase works in the way you put it. Other then that, great job Arch.
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[font=arial]Heh, allow me to restate what I said: [b]Most[/b] of my poem rhymed. I couldn't really get it to rhyme at the end anymore, so I basically put it in song format. I personally think it's rather depressing if you read it without a tune, but a tune gives it just what it needs to make the poem the way I intended it to be.

and no, most of my poems don't rhyme, because it's usually too hard to do that with the right words.[/font]
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