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Writing Last Earth timeline *please critique*


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The following is a timeline for a sci-fi epic I'm working on, Last Earth. The timeline leads up to the story itself.

Incedentally, I'd like for people to reply to this, please? Whenever I post something here, no one does.


2071: By this time, genetic alterations to the human gene pool are common, and full human cloning is possible, and although expensive, has few or no nasty side effects. Many countries create laws prohibiting or banning altogether the alteration of one's genes, however this law is ignored in many cases. Genetic alteration ranges from as mild as eye colors to as wild as complete body restructuring.
By this time, as well, the Earth has changed from being completely dependant on oil to using several different kinds of fuels, the most common being hydrogen. The oil companies, one by one, go bankrupt and close, or expand their market into hydrogen and prosper
Finally, there is a steep uprising in wars, as the earth becomes more and more crowded - the population of the Earth is, at this point, 12.5 billion. As food and space become more limited, the fighting increases steadily.

2080: To prevent further fighting, the now defunct United Nations reorganizes itself into the United Earth Protectorate. Over ninety-five percent of the world's countries join the UEP. Its first action is to quell a rebellion in Sierra Leon. Within two weeks, the rebels are crushed and defeated.
The UEP takes active interest in the development of space technology, and creates an international space program. However it is not the UEP, but rather an independent scientist, Dr. Cale Armstrong, who invents the subwarp drive. He makes millions in selling it to the UEP.
With the new ability to travel to the Moon in a matter of hours instead of days, and to Mars in perhaps five days at most, the UEP begins to set up plans for rapid space colonization, beginning with the foundation of the International Lunar Colony. The Lunar Colony is underway the following year.

2085: Lunar Colony is complete, and humans have landed on Mars and begun to set up a space colony for there as well. One million volunteer humans leave for a new life on the moon. Many, in fact most, of these humans are genetically altered ones, because on Earth they meet persecution
Vast stores of naturally occurring Deroxite - a key element in powering a subwarp drive - are found on Mars. The construction of the International Martian Colony is sped up and is completed in only two years. Again, a number of genetically altered humans - ?genopaths?, they are called on Earth - leave for Mars.
Improvements are made to the original design of the Subwarp drive, making it faster then ever before. UEP military bases are set up on Io, Ganymede, Europa, and Calisto - Jupiter?s four Galilean satellites.
The Terra Planeta space docks begin construction in orbit over Earth. Once completed, the UEP begins construction of military spaceships, beginning with the first Athena-class destroyer, christened the UED Chimera. ?Lunars? and ?Martians? are disturbed; there are no rival space fleets, so why bother constructing any?

2089: The remnants of a long-dead Martian civilization are uncovered at the base of Olympus Mons. Study begins on their principle city, although there is not much left.
The UEP has completed a number of classes of ships. In terms of power, from least to greatest the classes are as follows: Athena, Apollo, and Haphaestus-class destroyers, Hermes and Ares-class cruisers, Dionysus, Hestia, and Hera-class battleships, and Poseidon, Hades, and Zeus-class carriers. The last carry missiles, not fighters, as the UEP does not believe that small, one-man fighters can work well in space or deal much damage.
Construction begins on the Martia Planeta space docks, and Phobos and Deimos, Mars? twin moons, are turned into military instillations

2090: Europa is de-militarized and colonized by civilians - again, largely genopaths.
The first empath is confirmed. Empaths are still genetically humans, but they can convey emotions and, in some cases, thoughts, by touch. It is questioned weather empaths are the result of natural human evolution, or genetic tampering. The latter is argued by the fact that most empaths are found on the Lunar, Martian, and Jovian colonies and instillations.
The Jova Planeta space docks are completed, and the Venus Orbital Colony - the first colony constructed in orbit over a planetoid rather then on it - is begun, simultaneously with the Venutia Planeta space docks.
After a string of anti-genopath and anti-empath violence on the colonies (most of them, however, on Earth), the Neo Frontier Coalition is formed. The NFC works to improve the quality of life for not just genopaths and empaths, but also any born on other colonies, whom earth naturals (called ?terrans? by now) consider to be substandard, sometimes even subhuman. The NFC?s influence is strongest on Mars and it?s satellites, as well as the Jovian satellites. It?s presence is also felt upon the Moon. The UEP is, however, made nervous by the power the NFC quickly gains

2091: The leader of the NFC, an earth-born, normal human, is assassinated, and their main base on Earth in Sydney, Australia, is destroyed, by unknown assailants. However, few investigations are ever mounted. The NFC is outraged by this apparent lack of caring, and in response it begins to secretly infiltrate a number of military instillations, as well as begin the construction of two fleets - the Neo Martian and Neo Jovian fleets - of it?s own within the asteroid field
The Martian Food and Air riot begins. Mars has been undergoing terraformation for years at this point, but it cannot yet support human life outside of the colonies, and can only barely support plant life. Therefore, Mars is utterly dependant on Earth shipments of food and air for survival. When taxes, high taxes, are placed upon food and air, a riot begins. In response, the UEP sends a Zeus-class carrier to Mars and threatens to destroy a colonial outpost if the rebellion does not end. When the rebellion continues, the UECa Alexander fires a tactical nuclear warhead down, striking and destroying the New Zion colony and killing all one million inhabitants. The rebellion ends, but the NFC is again outraged, and construction plans step up to complete it?s fleets. However, it siphons away some money, and constructs secret bases, deep under the Martian soil, and begins to grow food there. Similar constructs are built under all colonies.

2097: Present year
The Neo Martian fleet is completed. They decide on an Egyptian naming scheme for their ships, given that Mars is their primary base and Mars is a desert world. In terms of least powerful to most powerful, their ships are Aton and Geb-class destroyers, Bes, Serapis, and Anubis-class cruisers, Sebek, Apophis, and Seth-class battleships, and Heru-er, Osiris, and Ra-class carriers. In addition, they have fighters: the Isis interceptor, the Sekhmet heavy assault, the Nephthys bomber, the Hathor recon, and the Bastet space superiority fighter. Their flagship is the NMCa Tutankhamon.
The Neo Jovian fleet is near completion, and it?s ships have a Nordic naming scheme: Freya and Frigga class destroyers, Heimdal, Tyr, and Njord class cruisers, Hermod, Frey, and Odur class battleships, and Balder, Thor, and Odin class carriers, as well as the Hel interceptor, Loki heavy assault, Thyrm bomber, Surtur recon, and Fenrir space superiority fighters. The flagship, completed by now, is the NJCa Canute
After a short and favorable battle for the Neo Martian fleet, in between Phobos and Deimos, where the Martian ships forced the UEP ships into the gravity well of Mars (and thus limited their manuverability), Mars and it?s satellites, as well as the Martia Planeta space docks, succeed from the United Earth Protectorate. The battle showed the clear tactical advantage of having fighters, and the UEP quickly begins construction of the Hecate space superiority, Artemis bomber, and Eris interceptor fighters.
With the completion of the Neo Jovian fleet one week later, another battle takes place at the Jova Planeta space docks, with the Jovian fleet using similar tactics that the Martian one used: force the UEP ships into Jupiter's gravity well. While not as clean a victory as the Neo Martian fleet?s, the end result is the same: Ganymede, Calisto, Io, and Europa succeed from the UED, taking with then the Jova Planeta space docks.
The UEP cannot ignore the succession of both it?s primary Deroxite producer, Mars, as well as two space docks, and war is declared on November 22, 2097.


Oh, here's a key for the acronyms used:

UEP: United Earth Protectorate
NFC: Neo Frontier Coalition
NMF: Neo Martian Fleet
NJF: Neo Jovian Fleet
UEBG: United Earth Battle Group (There are 3 battle groups)

NM/JD: Neo Martian/Jovian Destroyer
NM/JCr: Neo Martian/Jovian Cruiser
NM/JB: Neo Martian/Jovian Battleship
NM/JCa: Neo Martian/Jovian Carrier
NM/JF: Neo Martian/Jovain fighter

UED: United Earth Destroyer
UECr: United Earth Cruiser
UEB: United Earth Battleship
UECa: United Earth Carrier
UEF: United Earth Fighter

And here are the Earthen colonies or instillations and their alligence

Earth - UEP
Moon - Heavily contested
Mars - NFC (NMF)
Phobos: NFC (NMF)
Deimos: NFC (NMF)
Calisto - NFC (NJF)
Io - NFC (NJF)
Europa - NFC (NJF)
Ganymede - NFC (NJF)
Venus Orbital Colony - UEP
Terra Planeta Space Docks: UEP
Martia Planeta Space Docks: NFC (NMF)
Jova Planeta Space Docks: NFC (NJF)
Venutia Planeta Space Docks: UEP

While the NFC controls more colonies, keep in mind that the UEP controls Earth, which has major food productions (Over 300% that of Mars) as well as having a population of about 12 billion, whereas the largest rebel colony, Mars, has a population of only 12 million
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It's pretty good. Well written, but, it's a little much.
Timelines are usually very formal, and they only give some detail on the main events in history. They don't usually go into detail about ships and such. Things like that should be left to be told in the story itself.
Also, you need to be much more formal, and don't go into as much detail (This should be very basic, the details should be left to the actual story. Take the first sentance for example, it could be trimmed down to: "By this time, genetic alterations to the human gene pool are common, and full human cloning is possible." Go into the specifics of cloning in the story, rather than trying to fit them in here.
I feel a timeline should be very basic and only give an overview of the events in your worlds history, give your readers an idea of your world, so they are not utterly confused.

This might be just me though. And, the way you did it could still work. Anything that doesn't work or ignores the rules can easily be one of the best pieces of literiture out there, as long as the wroter makes it work.
So, you can take my advice and change it, or you can make it work with your story. Whatever you do, I'm eager to see the actual story! :)
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First and foremost, too many acronyms. Way too many. See if you can trim them down to a more manageable number. You've got 15 now. Do the ships [i]really[/i] have to have their own designation? Cardinal rule in writing: never swamp your reader with 15 similar-sounding abbreviations. You'll lose them in the blink of an eye.

Second, I'd suggest doing a bit of research concerning the fossil fuel consumption, because as it stands now, Earth is not totally dependent on oil. We're actually using natural gas more and more, here in the early 21st century. From what I've read/heard, our natural resources (oil, coal, gas, etc) aren't going to last too much longer. But again, you might want to fully research the fossil fuel rates and such before writing a situation about them. Another cardinal rule about writing: research it.

As the timeline stands now, it's unfocused. I understand the epic idea you have, but I'd strongly suggest fully developing one..."chapter" before providing synopsis of the next.

One thing that keeps ringing in the back of my head is that all of this is background information. Backstory. How are you going to be able to convey all of this? There's yet another golden rule in writing: "show don't tell." My fiction workshop professor has ingrained this in our heads.

Bluntly, backstory means jackshit if you just tell what happened. You as the author will know all of this backstory, but the reader won't know a damn thing going into it, especially if you have no intention of including the backstory in the proposed work.

[quote]The following is a timeline for a sci-fi epic I'm working on, Last Earth. The timeline leads up to the story itself.[/quote]

And that leads me to believe none of what you just posted, the timeline, will make it into the story. Bad idea.

Also, Moon colonization. It was a fresh idea back in 1964. A bit dated now, though. Considering, too, that man has not been back to the Moon since the Moon landing, does Moon colonization seem all that...exciting or worthwhile? The way I see it, here you have this hyperadvanced space travel technology in a hyperadvanced technological age...and they go to the Moon. Why not just straight to Mars? Trim down the story and tighten it a lot by going straight to Mars.

I mean, you're basing this story on Earth, presumably with Earthen history, meaning the Moon landing and Mars probes did take place, meaning we've been to the Moon already, and now we're off to bigger and better things.

Does it really make sense for us to...essentially take a step back? I mean, after eating a steak and lobster dinner, would you go back to McDonalds? Perhaps once in a passing fancy, in a craving for fast food, yes, but with something like space travel, which is not a passing fancy, as our desire to "go where no man has gone before" still drives us, going back to the "McDonalds" of space travel after knowing what the "steak and lobster" is like is...foolish.

The colonial outpost part...if they're Rebels, why in the hell would they care if the Imps destroyed a colonial outpost? They're Rebels. The term "colonial" stems from colonialism, which is synonymous with Imperialism. Call me crazy, but a Rebellion would love the idea of forcing Imp commanders to destroy their own equipment.

The use of a nuke is...iffy. There's a pretty bad nuclear fall-out associated with nuclear weapons, and the Imps would not be able to re-build their structure until that radiation subsides. If I'm not mistaken, radiation half-life is like, some 50 years? That kinda screws up the timeline a bit.

I've got a few more points of crit, but I'm kinda tired, so...last thing for now.

"Secession," [i]not[/i] "Succession."

Mainly, I think researching is a good idea, here. Get a grasp on the ideas, on the techniques, "show not tell," focus and tighten, and I'd suggest ditching the pre-structured form, because in a short story, novel, epic, whatever--anything with a narrative structure, we don't create plot outlines. The narrative structure is a flowing entity, and the best stuff comes when you're not limiting your writing by conforming to "oh, this comes next, how do I get there from here." Screenplays work that way; everything is meticulously planned out from start to end.

Here, however, you're going for a narrative, and really...the timeline [i]is[/i] your story. It has a beginning, middle, and end. It sets up conflict and achieves a resolution of sorts, with trouble brewing at the end as to perhaps springboard into the actual "story" portion you speak of, which I get the sense isn't even planned yet, apart from the vague notion of "WAR."

So, yeah...I kind of rambled a bit, but PM me or reply with questions.
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