Writing Hugeness Story

[DeadSeraphim]

Hi, umm, Mitch knows me from myOtaku so I figured I might make an effort here. This is the PROLOGUE of a story I'm writing and have been writing for flipping ages.

Prologue
Brie cried silently in the ruins of the once great desert city of Vipe. Her blue eyes were red-rimmed and swollen from all her crying and her blonde hair bounced lightly from her sobbing. Before her lay the pallid corpse of Drenian, her consort and protector, friend and lover. Blood stained his proud black shirt where Heretic had delivered the fatal final blow and his beautiful blue eyes stared lifelessly up at the cloud-filled sky. A flash of lightning threw the ruined city into sharp relief and, with an accompanying boom, rain started to fall in great sheets, extinguishing the many fires that had been created when Heretic used one of the Forbidden Spells of Aztar to lay waste to the city. Only Brie and Drenian had survived and then Drenian had lost his life in a noble attempt to destroy Heretic. Heretic had killed him regardless and left the city in his great black horse-drawn coach. Only Brie was left. Left to fend for herself, left to live alone. With a near-silent squeak she fell to her knees, and then flat onto her stomach. She was alone. All alone. No Drenian to protect her, no commoners in the market to make idle banter with, not even any street tramps and thieves to punish. She had been left all alone and there was nothing she could do. For seeming hours she lay there, not doing anything but reflecting on the cruel fate that had been thrust upon her. But eventually she rose. She rose to unsteady feet and looked at the ruined town with new eyes, no longer the innocent, sheltered eyes of a mayoress, but the cold, hardened eyes of one who seeks revenge. Reaching down she picked up Drenian?s discarded katana, feeling its weight in her hands, letting her weak biceps grow used to the deadly blade.
?I will find you Heretic,? she whispered to her self, her tone evil, ?I will find you and destroy you.? With the katana in hand she turned and left Drenian, walking through the rubble-strewn streets towards the town?s exit. As she walked she could hear the souls of the many dead inhabitants of Vipe calling to her, pleading that she carry out a bloody fate on the insane Heretic, pleading that she avenge their death. And she planned to do so, planned to kill him as ruthlessly and as barbarically as he had done to her precious Drenian, her beautiful, beautiful Drenian. And, as she left the city through its ruined gates, she could feel him; feel him looking over her shoulder at her, protecting her in death as he had done in life. Heretic would pay. Oh yes, Heretic would pay.

IF you would like to see more the website listed in the bar at my myOtaku has up to chapter 5.
--EDIT--
Seems all the formatting went out the window when I posted it...

[Guest sixthcrusifix]

Hey that is really cool. I like it, You have a way with emotions in your writing. Oh, dar n i dunno what im supposed to do. If my post is too short mitch will kille me.....Heres an updated version of my FanFic!
The Story Continued
Ah, Garnet til Axexandros. She was a beautifull woman, and the inspiration of Terra. But only a few short years after saving Terra from the death angel Kuja, Terra's Natural fate occured.
What no one seemed to know is that Garnet was the key to terra.
Without her the world would end, thus because of her mortality, prooving the world to be, "On it's last leg" if you will.
But one day as Garnet, then, the soft age of 28, was walking in the once misty plains. When suddleny Her messanger arrived in a panic...." My lady, please" He panted," come to the castle at once, it is lord Zidane!" She rush off like lightning to her lovers side only to find him bed ridden. "Don't know about this" Docter Tot said depressingly, " Back, when there was mist, These plants grew. There toxins are uncureable." He held up a small withered plant. " he thought it was a healing herb. I couldn't stop him fast enough, I'm so sorry miss."There was a gutrenching look on her face, " Oh god" She cried. And she wept and vowed to stay by his side to the bitter end. As time passed though, it seemed that he might return to health , so Garnet spent less and less time by his sid. But then one day when Garnet was resting on the high balcony of the castle, Tot walked up behind her. Ignorantly assuming that Garnet Realized Zidanes futile situation, He broke her the news,"I'm sorry " was all he said. " Why what for?" Dagger replied, not looking back," Zidane is looking better and i think he shall be able to walk soon!" but then she turned and saw the devistating look on the mans face. She did not speak a word, She fell to her knees and screamed with all the agony of her heart. And then, She lost her footing, And fell to her untimely death.
Some say that she died of a broken heart. Others say the fall killed her, And a few think she may never had really died, one thing was for sure though, Terra was in a lot of trouble!
To put it as bluntly as possible, Shortly after her death
The world crumbled. The moons shatterd and the sky turned grey. And the strong souls of terra moved on....on to Carien.
And they say that the souls of the dead of other worlds lie in Carien, which is why so many people resemble historical figures.(lol) But i've slightly missled you in this preview, lets get back to our main Charactor, Rayone! Rayone was a child of only 10. Her parents were quite odd people. While other children were prepared to go to school and become knights and Scientists her parents wanted her to become a witch. So mush that they were almost carride to the odd house for it. And they would always say, " When you leave just promise to write, when you leave of coarse." So needless to say Rayone led a very strang, but charmed life. Unlike most other children, She had a natural talent for black magic. At the age of five she could whip up a mean whirlwind. And by nine she had masterd the art of jynxing. Unfortunantly being talented isn;t always being popular, and she had few friends. So Rayone just waisted the day away, learning about hearbs and medicines and how when and where to use a hex. Her Favorite was the hearbs. She loved Hearbology very much. And her favorite hearb was Dragons blood, Though it was something her teacher taught about regularly! Not good for aches, not good for sprains, not even good for old back pains, But if a fix, you find yourself then Dragons blood is there to help.
Her favorite acronym.
One day when she was walking through the streets of Elexus, The city she lived in, she saw a very intreaging boy walk by. His hair was short and blond. His built was desirable for her, fo he couldn't be for than fifteen. And at each side of his belt were two magnificantly designed Daggers. Why... Hello she stammerd. But the boy ne'r gave her a passing glance. "Hmm", she thought, " I just know we'll meet again, I just know it!
And she set off for home for it had become late.
About the boy, he was very important.
His name was.....
[To be continued. ( depending on the votes, if no one new votes i wont write.)]
For the rest of the story please refere to the Final fantasy ffanfic or click here

[url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?threadid=35190&goto=newpost[/url]

[DeadSeraphim]

WOW!!!!

An actual comment. Seriously, I was hoping I could just let this one slip into obscurity and cry on the inside that noone cared. But you have restored my faith in OBers. Not humanity though. My faith in humanity can be restored for a small fee of seventy dollars.

You should really post this section of your story with the rest of it though. It may grow annoying if they wanted to see what happened next, only to find it in a story with nothing about fanfics as all, set as a reply. And Mitch wouldn't get up you if you just expanded a little bit on your critique.

[Guest sixthcrusifix]

I have seventy dollars... but who really needs faith in something like humanity, I don't have any ;)