Writing A nice little poem.

[Nevi]

Tell me what 'ya think.

I sit in the light of the stars,
in a world so far.
I see flickers so merry,
I think they must be faries.
The amazeing colors fill the air,
all wish they could be there.
They dance, they sing,
such an wonderfull thing.
I sit and think that it shall be gone soon,
but I'll always rember the faries on a blue moon.

I hope you like it.

[wiccansamurai]

It's pretty good, but it seems boring. AABB format will do that. And it kind of lacks imagery. Make the reader see what you are describing, hear, smell, feel, taste it. Try different literary devices, too.

[Guest sixthcrusifix]

for what its worth, Sometimes i get tired of all this imagery and bullcrap. Sometimes i just need to read a cute little AABB poem, to lift my spirit. Its beautiful, and if i were you i would never ever change it!
seeya
-Sixy

[Kitty]

[color=blue][size=1]I like it! I've tried writing poems similar to yours, but they end up too sappy for me. Then I write ones 'bout violence and death. They always cheer me up. :D

Anywayz, that poem is enjoyable and a good average length. But, I'm not the [i]best[/i] poetry critic out there, so don't go by what I say to fiercly..... (did that make sense at all?!)

~Runs Around In Squares~[/color][/size]

[Guest sixthcrusifix]

I Totaly agree with you, But really the only reason that i am posting this is because i want to be the last person who posted sorry. Any way, i like to do depressing poems for final fantasys and cheerful poems for inuyasha, Ever heard of em?

check out my unfinished fan fic please check it out [url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?threadid=35190&goto=newpost[/url]

[wiccansamurai]

[QUOTE]for what its worth, Sometimes i get tired of all this imagery and bullcrap. Sometimes i just need to read a cute little AABB poem, to lift my spirit. Its beautiful, and if i were you i would never ever change it![/QUOTE]

Sorry if I was expecting someone to be more original than that, since Nevi is obviously very creative. With some [I]constructive[/I] criticism, she (he?) can get very good.

AABB form can invoke a sense of concrete, inertness that just wasn't meant in this poem, as far as I can tell.

[Nevi]

I'm a girl. And I normaly don't write stuff like that. I'm more of a sad and moveing story than light poems. I do know what Final Fantasy and Inuyasha are. (I LOVE THEM!!)
My fave author is Shakespeare, I love "As you like it", "Midsummer night's dream" and "Much ado about nothing". I'm writeing a book called, "Beauty of the beast", it's a retelling of Beauty and the beast. Its about a young girl with a heart of stone who was nurned into a beast by an enchantress. In the story Mareina (the beast) meets a young prince who comes to her castle and he falls in love with her, but she is to caught up with her self and being human angain she wont even really notice him. So he gets fed up and leaves and she is forced by the enchantress to find him.

A lot of other things happen but you'll just have to read to find out. I'll post it on the fan-fic page.

Nevi