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Writing A poem about nature


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*Gulps* My first entry for poems on here. I [I]love[/I] constructive criticism.

This is a poem about nature, (if you haven't already read the title) but it's more specifically about snow. I hope there aren't too many mistakes.

Snow falls,
Sensations swirl, soar and sting.
Snow sparkles,
Like white, precious diamonds being placed onto the floor.
Snow covers,
Tree branches look like glisteningly white arms.
Snow strikes,
Its magnificence amazes everyone.
Snow kills,
People die, are damaged and in danger.
Snow is something we take for granted.

I cannot see it anymore,
Its brilliance and breathtaking beauty.
I did not appreciate its wonders,
It is probably still amazing and astounding now.
I did not realize it,
I was too wrapped and too busy in my own life.
I can only feel it,
It is cold and crunches under my feet.
I was blind mentally then, and I am physically blind now.
I can still see and feel it, though.
It is with me always,
In my memories.

***

I hope you all like it. :nervous:
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Enjoyable. :)

I thought you used to many words at times though. Like the fourth line, "onto" could ahve been just "on". But, then there are times when it's just right, like the first and second line. Those two lines hooked me in.

[QUOTE]I was blind mentally then, and I am physically blind now.[/QUOTE]

I didn't like this line. Your saying back then you where to busy to notice, so you where blind to it mentally, and now your physically blind, as in you've lost the use of your eyes entirely, correct? I think it was too straightforward for this poem. You should have been a bit more vague in saying this, I think.

But, I really did like it. This is your first entry to this board? You did splendid, I say, absolutely splendid. Only thing about this board though, you won't get noticed much when you first start posting, but don't give up! I certainly haven't yet :)
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