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Too cliche?


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Guest philimene
Posted
I, pirate in disguise

With no map but a sky full of stars,
I navigate the sudden seas.
Perilous journeys and dangerous quests
await expectantly before me.

Between tempestuous weather
and wrathful fires,
the treasure I seek for
is buried five fathoms deep.

Lost on a fool's errand
the perpetual fog clings to me.
My one and only sustenance
is the softly glowing sun-rise.
Posted
[font=Verdana][size=1]No! Not cliche at all. I loved it! I thought it was wonderful and well written. It's got a lovely sentiment -- slightly melancholy, [i]very[/i] vivid, resigned but at the same time still hopeful.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]It's lyrical and lovely, and quite honestly, I can't think of constructive criticism for this poem. [/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]I thought the imagery was fantastic. It really puts you in place and it delves very deep. So well done![/size][/font]
Posted
I echo Lady A's sentiments here. Wonderful poem. The language is precise but lustrous at the same time. There is a very excellent flair to it, and the tone is remarkable. As Lady A pointed out, there is a melancholy to this piece, but the melancholy never feels blase, forced, or overdone. It's a very nice balance. Right now, I don't have any editing suggestions, but if I do, I'll edit them into my post here.

But still, very nice work. Nice job.

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