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Modern Psalms


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Usually I'm absolutely horrible at writing poetry. However, recently I got some inspiration from reading the book of Psalm in the bible, and I kind of wrote something with a similar style. Please post any comments! I would love some constructive criticism, and if anyone else feels like posting their own, please do.

[COLOR=Indigo][B]A Psalm of Children[/B]

[I]My soul sings these words
as the full circle of sunlight engulfs me.
Golden warmth! enthrall me with your richness,
Your flowing life I trace with my fingertips
I follow the bright path of life.

Forsake the shadowy traces of bitterness
Dark dreams stalk you in the night
Despair can chill the bones,
Close the doors of hope forever.

Awaken! O bright child,
Daughter and Son of the stars,
Forever is yet awhile off.
Do not condemn yourself to a life of sorrow!
For hope is yours!

For will not the Sun always rise?
Will not the dew of life return with morning?
Will not light cast away the shadows?
And the webs that catch you will fall away,
For they are defeated.

Rise! Rise and come
Follow the bright path.
Dispel your sorrow,
Let your spirit surge to the sky!

For if you allow yourself to fly free,
To play and rejoice in golden beams
Your laughter is precious - the riches of the
human heart.
Open your heart's door to Hope!
O bright child, forever is yours the light of life.[/I][/COLOR]
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Very beautiful stuff.... I wouldn't call it a psalm. People assume it is going to be a religious writing, which this isn't. I would call it Hebrew style poetry, instead.

One idea to try: In Hebrew poetry, they often repeat the same thing different ways. For example: I stubbed my toe upon the stone/As I walked my toe did strike a rock/

There's a technical english term for that which I can't think of at the moment... I would say to try and add some more of it. You'll notice that it's used a lot in the psalms.

I like a lot of the imagery you use. Very vivid. Keep up the good work!
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