Manga The Two of Us

[youta moteuchi]

Hello,

I'm posting the first part of a short story I drew for animeboston 2004. I wanna know what you guys thought about the drawings, the panelling, everything.... I know that being a romance the storyline is not problably the beeeeeeeeest, but that's just my first manga. I hope we will have many more to com.....

I'll post the following pages pretty soon.

YM

[Okita]

Um.. the dialogue flow between the fourth and fifth page is a bit akward, took me while to realise who was speaking, it would be nice to actually have the speech bubble point to someone... Way too early to comment on the plot (but don't put romance down! they're great!) and finally the animation is good (though not my favourite style)... good luck on your first work! I'll cheer you on!

[youta moteuchi]

Thanks for the support. Yeah, I heard the same thing about the bubbles before.I'll do better on my next one, hehe. Hope you like the next pages better.

[tomboy2xxxkoy]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue]
omg, the art is AMAZING ^o^
it's so detailed
the scenery is really well-drawn *jealous* XP
& nice use of perspective ;D
this is really good for your first manga :animesmil

i can't say anything about the story line yet cus i'm not seeing any plots in this manga except for that those two will somehow fall for each other XD

o & um, i've a critique
ready for it? here it is:
their conversation sounds kind of awkward for me(but i can see what you were trying to do cus i had the same problem on my 1st manga ^^")
i suggest that if you're not going to make them say anything much, then have one of the two (i recommend the girl) to "think" what he/she was thinking about the other
do you get it? (cus that sounds kind of confusing)
idk, it's just my opinion
you might have done it that way because you're planning to do something in the future or something :animeswea

other than that, everything's all good^^
good luck w/ the serie
i'll be cheering for you ;)

o! why don't you upload this in the fan manga section at theotaku?
here's the link if you decided to upload it there:
[url]http://fanmanga.theotaku.com/[/url]
[/COLOR]