Jump to content
OtakuBoards
Moi

Writing My First Poem [E]

Recommended Posts

[COLOR=DarkGreen]Alright, this is my first poem, and I wrote it based mainly on the love I feel now for my girlfriend. Please tell me what you think, and this is COPYRIGHT me, lol. Please give me advice, so I can improve as a writer, thanks.[/COLOR]



[B][COLOR=DarkRed][CENTER]WITHOUT A DOUBT[/B]

My love for her
I cannot hide.
Sometimes I sit
And even cry.
She is life;
She is everything.
I love her so,
I feel love's sting.
When I'm with her
I wonder how
Our love could be
Without a doubt.[/CENTER][/COLOR]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I love the meter on this poem. You can predict where the beat's going, and the rhymes are in the appropriate places.

Sometimes I sit
And even cry.
- I didn't like this part of the poem. It doesn't seem to fit very well. You just said you can't hide your love for her, and you can't hide it. I was assuming you expressed your love openly like hugs and kisses, but I guess not. Maybe its your way of describing your circumstance.

I also don't understand the title of this poem. Do you mean that your love is without a doubt in the sense that it's completely genuine?

Meh. I'm not too deep. Only a bucket at tops.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks for your comments. this poem is BASED on my love, so it is not exactly my circumstances, you could interpret it your own way. Without a doubt is saying that I have no doubts of our true love, unlike some love which has its doubts. Thanks again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I personnaly can not relate to this poem, but I liked it very much mostly I liked the flow of the poem and how the words seemed to fit perfectly ... how the words did not sound forced....I too am a writer of poems but I do not write about love, I mostly write about death and suicide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[FONT=Book Antiqua]Nice poem. I give it a 6. You started of good but in the end it did not go with the beat. Well it's a nice poem. You must really love her. Well I am also in Love but i still only make Dark/Sad poetry. [/FONT]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...