Writing My First Poem [E]

[Moi]

[COLOR=DarkGreen]Alright, this is my first poem, and I wrote it based mainly on the love I feel now for my girlfriend. Please tell me what you think, and this is COPYRIGHT me, lol. Please give me advice, so I can improve as a writer, thanks.[/COLOR]



[B][COLOR=DarkRed][CENTER]WITHOUT A DOUBT[/B]

My love for her
I cannot hide.
Sometimes I sit
And even cry.
She is life;
She is everything.
I love her so,
I feel love's sting.
When I'm with her
I wonder how
Our love could be
Without a doubt.[/CENTER][/COLOR]

[Retribution]

I love the meter on this poem. You can predict where the beat's going, and the rhymes are in the appropriate places.

Sometimes I sit
And even cry.
- I didn't like this part of the poem. It doesn't seem to fit very well. You just said you can't hide your love for her, and you can't hide it. I was assuming you expressed your love openly like hugs and kisses, but I guess not. Maybe its your way of describing your circumstance.

I also don't understand the title of this poem. Do you mean that your love is without a doubt in the sense that it's completely genuine?

Meh. I'm not too deep. Only a bucket at tops.

[Moi]

Thanks for your comments. this poem is BASED on my love, so it is not exactly my circumstances, you could interpret it your own way. Without a doubt is saying that I have no doubts of our true love, unlike some love which has its doubts. Thanks again.

[de1ayna]

I personnaly can not relate to this poem, but I liked it very much mostly I liked the flow of the poem and how the words seemed to fit perfectly ... how the words did not sound forced....I too am a writer of poems but I do not write about love, I mostly write about death and suicide.

[Shugo54]

[FONT=Book Antiqua]Nice poem. I give it a 6. You started of good but in the end it did not go with the beat. Well it's a nice poem. You must really love her. Well I am also in Love but i still only make Dark/Sad poetry. [/FONT]