Retribution Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 [CENTER][B]Sunset[/B] All life fades to black As the bloody horizon drips out of our sight.[/CENTER] As the sun sets, and I look out at the sky, I see blood-red running everywhere. Then the sun is gone, across the horizon, and we are consumed in a seemingly-infinite darkness. But somehow, a new day comes, and our life-giver returns to us, faithfully. Criticism? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ForestMaiden Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 I just wanted to compliment you on your poem. Although i think it might sound better if instead of 'I see blood-red running everywhere.' It was I see blood-red consuming up the heavens, or something close to that. That line as it is just doesn't flow witht the rest of the poem if you ask me. However that's just my opinion. Also would you mind me posting one of my own poems on this board? Not to show off or anything, I'd just like some comments on it to see if it's worth posting on my site. is that alright? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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