Writing "This mouth..." [E]

[Retribution]

I couldn't come up with a title for this, so It's just the first few words of the haiku. Comments are appreciated. Meh. I used the word 'word' too close to each other. This one I dont like too much.

[CENTER]This mouth gnashes words
With sharp words they assail me
How rude is their tounge![/CENTER]

[haruko girl]

[QUOTE=Retribution]I couldn't come up with a title for this, so It's just the first few words of the haiku. Comments are appreciated. Meh. I used the word 'word' too close to each other. This one I dont like too much.

[CENTER]This mouth gnashes words
With sharp words they assail me
How rude is their tounge![/CENTER][/QUOTE]


i have to admit, i don't like this one as much as the others i viewed but at the same time it's not bad. i understand what ur saying about the whole word thing, and u don't have to but you could maybe use thoughts, ideas, or demands in place of words in the second line- except u would have to change something to use demands because it's 2 syllables. good luck with it.