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Writing Inspired by Naruto [E]


Retribution
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[SIZE=1]Inspired by Naruto. Comments are apprieciated.

[B]Untitled[/B]

You don?t seem to see
The constant battle I fight
Just to smile

You don?t understand
The demon I must restrain
To act civil

You have no idea
How many nights were cold, lonely
And with no explanation why.
Why am I hated?
What blood defiles me?

So I try to hard
Just to be noticed

So I pray not to fail
Just to be accepted

So I persevere through the tough times
Just to show the strength of this sinner
And I?m willing to sacrifice myself again
So that this evil?s forgiven.[/SIZE]
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[CENTER][COLOR=Blue][SIZE=1]Retribution, I personally love all of your work. (Especially with graphics!) and I think this is just the same. Now for comments and critique!

I love how you made the stanzas flow... Without making a large attempt at rhyming! It's really... Kind of dark, while being inspiring... An odd mix.

I had a bit of an issiue with the following part:

[I]You don?t understand
The demon I must restrain
To act civil[/I]

I think it doesn't really flow... Try to keep Naruto in mind and ya [I]understand[/I] the bit, but it still doesn't... Fit... As well as the rest of the peom. Maybe it's just the wording, neh? But then it wouldn't fit with the part above... Ah, well. Maybe it's just me.

It's kinda wierd rating your work, since you're so much better than ME, so rated against me you'd get a 10... But I think thit one really deserves a 9.5/10. Awesome![/SIZE][/COLOR][/CENTER]
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