Writing Feedback on my first poem (redone) (E)

[kaisha]

Ok here goes,

My soul is hidden behind the darkness that lies behind my eyes,
The darkness thats formed from my hatred and lies,
My mind body and soul have all become numb,
For this darkness I cannot overcome,
The darkness has consumed all of my soul,
Now fear and hatred are all I know.

[Umbra II]

Not to bad of a poem. The feel of the poem is broken somewhat at "my mind, body, and soul have all become numb" try getting rid of all, or, you could say " my mnd, body, and soul are numb" If you choose that one, though, prepare to add something else in, because it feels kind of short. There you have it, anyway. Like I said before, It's a retty good poem.

[kaisha]

Thank you for the comment, and its still a work in progress.