Writing DragonLore [PG-VL]

[Redemption]

[center][u][b]DragonLore[/b][/u][/center]

[size=1][b]Chapter 1[/b]

[INDENT]Piercing screams of a black wyvern thundered overhead. A baby?s cry echoed through the empty wooden hut. A bulky, bearded man crashed through the wooden door and tumbled towards the baby?s cradle. Fire spewed forth from the sky, onto the dry land, starting a wildfire around the hut. The man stood up. His dark eyes glistened as the fire raged uncontrollably outside. The baby cried again, sensing the danger is was in. The knight strode forward, towering over the cradle to look inside. A baby girl with pale silver eyes and a tuft of black hair on her head squirmed around inside the cradle.

? She has no one left?damn you Ilthazar?? the knight cursed under his breath. He scooped the baby girl into his muscular arms and dashed out of the now burning hut. Another piercing war cry from above quickened the knight?s sprint. A sharp whoosh of air from behind caused him to fall forward into brush at the edge of the forest that surrounded the hut. Smoke wafted through the air, making it almost unbreathable. The knight clutched the baby girl in his arms tightly as he watched the wyvern circle above them like a vulture. A few tense minutes passed and the wyvern wheeled around and headed south, away from the knight and the baby. He sighed heavily, relieved that thing was gone?for the moment at least. He looked at the baby. She was so quiet when the wyvern was circling above, almost like she knew it was dangerous. He clambered out of the brush and slowly walked away from the burning hut. The image of the knight walking into the forest with the baby in his arms faded into darkness.[/INDENT]

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[INDENT]Soon after, another image appeared. Two young children, barely five years of age, were playing hide-and-seek in a magnificent garden, full of green leafy trees and beautifully coloured flowers. Rarities of every kind surrounded the children, their sweet scents wafting into air. One of the children, a young girl, was counting to ten while her friend, a young boy, hid behind an old weeping willow beside a stream that ran through the garden. The young girl lifted her head up from resting it on her hands as she finished counting. Her black hair swished around as she turned quickly to look for her friend. Her pale silver eyes scanned the garden for any trace of him.

? Come out, come out, wherever you are!? she called into the garden. She sprinted over to the fountain and then to the garden bed full of lilies. The girl looked around, utterly perplexed at where her friend might be. After a few minutes of silence, a small smile spread across her face. She held out her hand, palm facing upwards, whispered words that didn?t sound real and a tiny black and purple thing in the shape of a flame appeared in her palm. She leant close to it and whispered something to it. It zoomed off after she finished and pelted around the garden, apparently looking for something. It passed the fountain and the garden bed of lilies in a flash and finally stopped at the weeping willow beside the running stream and bopped up and down happily. The young girl sprinted over to tree and looked behind it.
? Ha ha! I found you!? she said happily. The boy came out from behind the tree looking rather unamused.
? That?s not fair! I said no magic!? he said as if he had repeated it a thousand times before. His green eyes looked at his friend as he flicked his dark brown hair out of his face. The young girl poked her tongue out at him and ran off, laughing. The boy ran after her.

Before long, two grown men, one considerably older than the other, appeared in the garden. The older one walked with the aid of a staff while the other stood straight and proud. They looked over to the children and beckoned them to join them.
? Come now you two, that?s enough play for now. It?s time you both go back to your lessons,? the older man said, stroking his very white beard. His eyes were stern and the wrinkles on his face were creased into a frown.
? Oh?can?t we just play a little bit more? Please?? the young boy pleaded.
? Please?? the young girl repeated. The younger man looked over to his older counterpart.
? Let them play for the rest of the day. They?ve been unusually good these past few days,? he said, looking at the children with a raised eyebrow. They smiled angelically at the two men but underneath, they knew that the smiles were smirks. The older man stroked his beard again and then sighed.
? I suppose they could play for the rest of the day as long as they behave, otherwise it is back to lessons!? the old man said sternly, pointing a long stick-like finger at them.
? We promise we?ll be good!? the girl promised and then ran off with the boy not far behind. That image faded.[/INDENT]

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[INDENT]A slash of a twin sword rang in the darkness and sliced it open to reveal an image of a teenage boy and a teenage girl who had swords in their hands. The girl?s long black hair swished around her as she moved into a defensive position.
? Let?s go. I want a real fight,? she taunted him. The boy drew himself to his full height. His body was well-built and muscular while the girl?s was slender and fluid in motion. His eyes were emerald green while her eyes were pure silver.
? So, you don?t want me to go easy on you?? the boy asked his friend.
? Never,? she replied with determination. She moved the sword to above her head, its tip facing the boy. He smiled and attacked her with a sword of his own. He swung it in an arc at the girl?s head. The sword crashed into the ground. The boy lifted his sword up, the tip touching the ground. The girl had disappeared. He stood there frozen, listening intently. A flutter of a shirt caught his attention. He quickly moved his sword to above his head.

Suddenly, the girl appeared and landed with her feet on the sword?s blade, pointing her sword?s tip at his throat. She smiled.
? Is that all you?ve got??
? You wish!? The boy wrenched his sword upwards. The girl flipped backwards and landed on the ground, using her sword to balance her landing.
? That?s more like it,? she said approvingly. She charged at her friend.

The sound of swords clashing echoed through that garden that was in the image in darkness before a ball of flame hurtled closer and closer before engulfing a young man in flame. He was in his early twenties, had dark brown hair and emerald green eyes - the same one in the last two moving images. His painful, blood-curdling scream shattered the dream into a thousand dark glittering pieces.[/INDENT][/size]

OOC: This is only part of Chapter 1 of a story of mine called DragonLore. It does continue, but for now, this is only what I want to post. Constructive comments would be appreciated.

[Delta]

[COLOR=FireBrick][SIZE=1]It's good that you don't start your sentences with the usual pronouns, "the" and "a". It pushes the readers to continue reading the piece, IMO. You used alot ofdescriptive words and they helped greatly in conveying the feel of the scene to me. How you ended each part is pretty rad too, kinda like I was actually watching a short film.

Only because of sudden transitions between scenes, especially towards the third part, I think each beginning merits a sort of introduction. You may opt to start with a fight and probably set the, er, setting after a few sentences. then continue.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Redemption]

[size=1][INDENT]? Elena? Elena! Wake up dear child! It is just a nightmare!? an old voice said to her. Elena opened her eyes and sat bolt upright. A cold sweat beaded all over her body. She sat there, the sheet covered her scantily clad body, shaking uncontrollably. An old wizened man with a long pure-white beard and a crooked nose sat at the end of her bed, holding an elegant white staff in his hand.
? Another one?? he asked sympathetically. His voice was very strong and powerful for a man his age. Elena brushed her long black hair out of her face, revealing her strong silver eyes.
? This one was stronger. I saw the boy?s face. Emerald green eyes and dark brown hair,? she said timidly, holding the sheet up to her chin. ? He caught fire. A ball of flame from a black wyvern engulfed him. He screamed and I woke up,? Elena said. ?Azalan, why do these images haunt me so??
? I don?t know Elena,? Azalan replied. He didn?t sound as though he was telling the truth.

The door to Elena?s bedroom swung open abruptly and a small silver-scaled body about the size of a medium dog, with scaly wings, raced to Elena and jumped up onto her. Elena hugged this reptile-like creature.
? Scythe, where have you been?? Elena asked her silver dragon.
? Azalan was letting me fly around in the kitchen so I couldn?t disturb you,? the dragon said. ? Elena, when can I go back to my normal form? This body is so small.? Elena looked at Azalan then at her partner.
? Today Scythe. It?s been too long since you?ve been your normal self,? Elena said, getting out of bed. Scythe jumped around happily. ? I wish you were able to stay at your grown size. Then we wouldn?t have to walk everywhere.?
Azalan stood up, his black wizarding robes fluttering out behind him. ? I?m sorry, but ScytheWing?s normal size would cause mass chaos. There aren?t many dragons around these days my dear Elena. Even at his present size, ScytheWing is still feared.?

Elena sighed. This was very true. Dragons were the most feared creatures in all of Galatea, the world Elena and Azalan lived in. Most dragons were vicious and untameable, attacking livestock and humans alike. However, there were a select few that helped humans along. These were old dragons, used to the ways of the Dragon Speakers and Dragon Lore. But, all the known Dragon Speakers had been wiped out in the war against Ilthia, except for one.

Dragon Speakers were people born with the gift to speak to dragons. These people were highly regarded in the ways of the Celebrynn people. The king, Orion; the queen, Lillyana; and the prince, Kai, hold a festival each year to celebrate the ways of Dragon Lore so it is not to be forgotten. Unknown to the world as a Dragon Speaker, Elena - under the watchful eye of Azalan, the Royal Court?s Master of Magics and Head Chief of the Wizard Confederacy - had begun to learn the ways of Magic and of Dragon Speakers since she was very young. Now, she was journeying around the kingdom of Celebrynn to further her skills as a sorceress.

Azalan left the room as Elena got herself dressed in her normal travelling clothes ? a pale beige shirt with forest green leggings and brown leather boots. Not the most fashionable of clothing, but it was comfortable enough for long journeying. As she sat down at the dresser to brush her hair, the images of the dream blurred through her mind. That boy was so familiar to her. He visited her often in her dreams, as a child or as an adolescent. So did the black wyvern. Elena shivered. She had studied Divination and the art of dreaming but, somehow, it felt like these things she had seen in her dreams, had happened before, like she was remembering them all over again.

With a sigh, she lay down her brush on the dresser top. She looked herself in the mirror. Soft silver almond-shaped eyes looked back at her as her smooth long black hair tumbled over her shoulders. By the look of her eyes in her reflection, Elena knew she felt caged in this existence ? following Azalan around, gaining more and more skills as they travelled the kingdom of Celebrynn. Sometimes she wished she could just hop upon ScytheWing?s neck, in his full form, and fly away into the sky.
But Elena knew she couldn?t do that. Over the years, she had picked up on things that Azalan and the people in Celebrynn have been saying. She was special in some ways ? so special that people even bowed to her in the streets. Apart from it being highly embarrassing, Elena always wondered why she was special. How was she special? In what ways? Was it because of ScytheWing?

There were many questions to answer. That was the only reason that she remained on this pilgrimage ? to find answers to those questions.[/size][/INDENT]