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Writing Lord Rannos' Writing [PG-VL]


Lord Rannos
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I'm just gonna use this for any creative writing I want some feedback on. It'll be on a lot of stuff....not all of it necessarily good....but, I try. Crtiticism would be much appreciated.

So, in short: Yes, I am writing stuff. Yes, you do have to put up with it. No, I won't stop. Any questions? Then let's begin.


[B][SIZE=4][CENTER]Lola[/CENTER] [/SIZE] [/B]

[size=2][COLOR=Navy] The air in my cell was dead and stagnant, like some animal laying dead in the road. Ah, but I am being morbid. In truth, everything just seems worse when you know the end is near. You know that ?I know see the beauty of the world? stuff that is supposed to happen when the end is nigh? It?s bullshit. In the end, you?re just sitting there, saying ?Why, oh, why did I do that??.

As it must be, there is a reason for my execution. Some reason, at least. You?re probably the last person I?ll ever talk to, and the only person who would ever care. So listen close, damn it, ?cause I?m not repeating anything.


I guess, it started with her. I can still remember when we met. She was sitting out by that pond, the one we used to go rafting on. She just stared across there, humming some foreign tune. My siren of the lake, as I?ve often called her when I recalled the event. I was there...I don?t remember why. You know me, I was probably on the run for someone or another. If I had to venture a guess, I?d say Tori. She was always hounding me about something or another. It?s just when the hounding involves guns that I get worried.

So there I was, there she was. I always loved attractive company, and I figured she would, too. So I went to her and sat down. For a time we just sat there and stared across the lake. The moon rose high in the sky and reflected off of the pond. The night was eerily silent, there were no bugs, birds, nothin?. Just me and her. We were like that for....hell, I dunno. Might as well have been forever. Eventually, she just stood up and walked away. I watched her go, and wondered if she would be back tomorrow.

She wasn?t there the next day, or the day after that. Still I kept on trying. It gave me something to do, somewhere to go. I needed it just then. Tori was getting her blood pressure up about the loans, and I didn?t have the cash. I didn?t have enough for a cardboard box in New York, and could barely afford the broken-down shack I had. So every night, I went, hoping too see her. Then one night, she was there.

She approached silently, not even the leaves rustled where she walked. I just noticed her as she sat next to me, a slight smile playing about her lips. Again, we sat. The moon had fully risen when she turned to me, her smile now fully evident. She spoke to my in siren?s song, it went in my ear and straight to my heart.

?My name is Lola.? she said softly, barely above a whisper, ?I need you to do something for me.?

I felt like dough in her hands. Suddenly, the only thing in the world that was important was her and what she was saying. ?Kill Timothy Wendell,? she said, her smile changing into something devilish and evil, but I paid no attention. I only wanted her approval then; like knowing she was happy with me would validate my entire existence. So when we got up and left, I began planning.

I knew Tim, had dealt with him a couple times. He was a small-time coke dealer. Housewives and working men going through their mid-life crisis. I didn?t much care about him one way or another, but just then, I needed him dead. So I planned.

As far as I knew, Tim wasn?t packing much in the way of guns or guards, so I figured it would be easy. I had a 12 gauge I kept around for home protection, so I grabbed that and headed out. It?s not easy for most people to track down coke dealers, but I knew where they like to hang out. Or at least, I knew someone who knew where he happened to be hanging out right then.

I walked into the warehouse calmly, the 12 gauge held and loaded in my right hand. Tim was there alone, bent over a large wooden crate.

?Tim.? I said simply. He started and jumped up, spinning to meet me.

?Oh, thank god, Randy. For a minute there, I thought you were....never mind. What do you need??

?You do anything to make anyone want to kill you recently?? I asked casually, walking towards him.

?Not more than anyone else. Sure the government?s always after me, and that?s not accounting for the UFO?s but....hey, wait, why? What?s that shotgun fo?AHHH ?

He screamed rather loudly when I shot him. I swore under my breath as I ran out, then. A noise like that would almost certainly attract attention. Attention is not what I needed right then. I dashed out and away, leaving Tim there for the cops to figure out.

I laid low again that day, stayin? over at Ron?s shop. He?s always nice enough to let me crash in the backroom. I went back to the pond that night, and found Lola waiting for me.

?He?s dead, yes?? she asked, resting her head against my shoulder.

?Of course...? I said. The entire scene played out as if in a dream.

?There?s just one more thing I need....? she said, her voice barely more than a
whisper.

?What??

?Money...I need ten thousand dollars..?

?What for??

She stared directly into my eyes as she spoke: ?For me.?

Well, that did it. The next thing I knew, I was at home getting out my 12 gauge and a ski mask. I went down to...some bank. First national or something. The only problem was security, but I took the guards out quick enough when I walked in. The lady at the counter was cooperative enough to get me some money, but apparently not fast enough. I stepped outside the bank and there was the police. It looked like they brought the entire force. Just then I felt something hard hit me in the back of the head, and everything went black.

You know what happened after that. The lawyers, the witnesses, the shotgun shells...looking back, I guess it wasn?t exactly a clean operation. The judge decided I was a horrible person, so here I am. And all because of Lola. I dunno if she?s okay...or even if she ever existed. I hope she is, though. That?s the sad thing. I hope she?s still okay.


I watched them execute Randall. He went silently, with only a pained smile on his face. I watched him as he died.

?Go in peace, my son,? I said softly to his corpse, ?Go in peace.?

I stayed with him as he was buried, since I was the only family he had. I might have been the only true friend he had. I needed to be with him. He was buried near the pond, where we used to go rafting. I stayed with him til dark came, and the moon was up. I left then, left him to his rest, and left him to his Lola.[/COLOR][/size]
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