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Conversations at 3 a.m. [M- LV]


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I saw that another member had posted their poetry book, and, upon just recently completing my first poetry book, I decided that I might just post mine. So enjoy, and leave contructive cricticism.
[FONT=Times New Roman]Conversations at 3 a.m. [/FONT][/SIZE][/I]

[SIZE=1]1. Paper Without Lines.
The Cheshire moon smiled down at me, and I tried to decide what I was longing to be.
But I found the answer to be too many words, and I decided that I couldn't decide.
Like a paper without lines, the possibilities are endless, and no one's counting.
I saw my reflection in the window, and drenched in rain, I looked better than ever.
I grinned to myself as I stared in that window, and then I laughed at the thought of you.
The thought of hopeless, restless, scared, pointless, selfish little you. Oh, I laughed.
I turned away and in that moment of endless laughter, I saw myself in another window.
The window was untouched by rain and it showed the true me. The cruel me.
I cried then, not because of my cruelty. But because I knew it was over.
And I know everything comes to an end, but that doesn?t make it any easier.
It doesn?t feel like it?s over, because I refuse to see the signs. And I?ll continue refusing.
This life isn?t over, so I?ve just begun. I?ve just begun to fight for you and me.
The days slip away, the minutes pass me by, and I continue to see my reflection.
And if all we are is dust in the wind, then this is the way it?s got to end.
Cut the wrists and watch them bleed. This is what you mean to me.

2. I [insert verb here].
I stand when they tell me to sit.
I breath when they tell me to hold my breath.
I love when I can't find anyone to love.
And I live when I can't find a reason to.
I take chances when there's no hope.
I smile just to make you happy.
But sometimes-
I can't stand. I can't breath. I can't love.
And when I feel like dying-
I take the chance to smile when I see you.

3. Contradiction.
I brought the knife-
If you brought the heartbreak.
I want to contradict life-
Walk when no one approves.
I took a breath when they told me to be quiet-
And suddenly, I wasn't good enough.
I can't live in a world where-
To live isn't good enough.
I can't love a person-
Who says they'd rather die-
Than love me.
Maybe this is an illusion-
Because we are all illusions-
Everybody lies about themselves.
Can I lie and make it better?
Give myself a new life-
One without lies?

4. If I Had a Heart.
Did I see it in the eyes that stared back at me from the mirror?
Or did I have some fucked up version of life that lived inside my head?
A bright day was never promised to the boy who cried a lot-
Only rainy days and warm nights that seemed to take forever.
I saw the face inside the mirror that seemed to tell a story-
And I cried because I didn't know why I was afraid.
And because I cried, I became weak, and to be weak is to be worthless.
In the hypocritical eyes that tell hypocritical lies.
I thought that I was something because I told myself I was.
And when you tell yourself something, you believe the lie.
When I cut my wrists, I didn't know that I would die, but I hoped that I would.
I attempted to rip my heart out- you can see the scratches on my chest.
And I decided that I didn't need to see something that didn't exist-
Because when you see something, it becomes real, and if I had a heart-
I would feel.

5. Not Myself.
I can't see who I am anymore-
The light's too bright from behind brown eyes.
I think I've lied to myself-
Attempted to believe I was someone else.
Someone with love, a dream, a purpose-
But none of that will happen now.
A desert of want-
Then a waterfall of regret-
That's all my life is now.
What I want and what I need-
They're two different things.
I need to breath, I need to live.
But I want to hurt. I want to die.
See myself in a mirror on the wall-
Cry because I don't recognize myself.

6. Stereotypical.
I have an appointment tomorrow,
And if I go, will it be any better?
The words I say make it all too clear-
Is this reality- or something like it?
When I said I loved you-
They looked at me with demeaning eyes.
Like they have any right to judge-
With their hypocritical lies.
Bring me life on a silver platter-
And I still wouldn't be content.
In the end, it's always right-
But the end isn't here yet.
Step outside yourself-
And into me.
I'm sick of fitting in-
Maybe I'll go crazy-
So that they'll feel sorry for me.

7. Sex, Lies & Heartbreak.
Why is it so easy for me to hate?
The words slither from your mouth-
Oh, how they pierce my perfect death.
Dying isn't that bad-
I've died everyday that you loved me.
Hurry up, slit my wrists-
I'm not good enough.
Try to be someone you're not-
And you'll want to die too.
Sex, lies, and heartbreak-
The perfect mixture for a eulogy.
Grab my wrist, hold it tight-
Tear me away from myself.
Make me love you-
Make me scream.
Make me beg for mercy-
Even though I don't want it.

8. Comedy In Death.
I cut my wrists tonight
Oh, how it freed me so.
Saw my eyes in the crimson liquid,
And I laughed at my foolish plight.
I held your hand within my mind,
Told you I loved you before I knew.
The tears you cried can be redeemed
With the blood from my heart.
Twisted and confused, I kept laughing.
They said I was crazy, but I knew better.
Crazy is a word to describe the living.
I haven?t lived since I met you,
Though I lied and said I did.
Oh, how funny it is to think,
You?re the one who died alone.

9. Worth.
Just so you know, I?m not falling in love.
I?m just falling deeper into something I never knew.
And when you say you mean it, you don?t really mean it.
Because if you meant it, there wouldn?t be any pain.
And without pain, where is the worth?
It makes it so much better in the end.
And if this is giving up, then I?m giving up.
Because I won?t fight with you, just to lose the love.
The love that I was prepared to die for.

10. My Eulogy.
Bring me to a place where I can breath
Where I can see without envy.
I?m wrapped in a blanket of self pity
Though I know I?m not alone.
An illusion is what you called us
And an illusion is what I am
Until you come to me and speak so softly
The words that make me love you.
Take me somewhere we can be alone,
Somewhere so unfamiliar to me
That I forget my fear of seeing your face.
Words spilled from your mouth
Like blood from a wound and I
Ended up in your arms once more.

11. Addicted to Heartbreak.
Last night I cried.
It had been a long time.
I cried for myself,
I cried for you,
I cried for my broken heart,
Shattered and ignored by you.
Maybe I broke down.
You tell me,
Maybe I can tape it back together.
But there?s a piece that?s missing.
You have it.
I doubt you?ll give it back.
You?re always like that,
Always taking, never giving.
Believing you can change yourself,
But never trying.
I messed up, I?ll admit that.
But who?s to say it was that bad?
Maybe you amplified it with your all-consuming heart.
I knew it was going to be like this.
I just knew it.

But I took a chance.
That?s what life?s about.
When you reached your hand out to me,
I didn?t think it?d be that bad.
And look at me now.
Lying on the floor,
Covered in broken down love.
Fuck this, I?m out of here.
But I can?t move.
Frozen by the fear
That came from an illusion,
An illusion of you and me.
I?ll knock on your door
And treat you like my savior.
I?ll beg you for more.
I know it?s bad, but I need it.
I?m addicted to the heartbreak.

12. Untitled.
If I cried,
Would you be there?
Would you slap my hand away
From yours, yours that is a sin.
I tasted the hate from your lips,
As you chewed my heart and made it pretty.
I was foolish, I know?
Doused by the illusion of a dream.
But an illusion is what I live for
You are what I live for.
Lived, I?m sorry.
Better that I move on, forget yesterday.
Forget tomorrow. Fade away today.

13. Prism of Days.
This is the day that everything runs the red light,
?skids to a stop, and then asks questions.
Put your heart in front of you and
?ask for directions.
Tomorrow, we?ll stop and look back,
?but won?t pray for changes.
You might find that you?re broken,
?shattered like the boy you are.
Pick yourself up and tell me
?do you love me?

14. Razor.
I look at the stranger in the mirror. I ask him how his day was.
He doesn?t answer, but he cries, and his tears tell a story.
They tell a story about love and love lost. They tell me he?s had enough.
I?ll be the razor cutting at your wrist when you feel you can?t feel.
What?s the point of leaving when you can?t find your way?
The streetlights stay on for the ones who are alone. So walk away, little boy.
Let your tears dry and wake up to a new day. So mess your hair and brush your teeth.
Stuff your hands in your pockets and be on your way. Break another heart, just another day.

15. Romeo Pulled the Trigger.
This is how the story ends; you and me and a bottle of wine. Pop the cap and pull the trigger.
Thread your fingers between mine and we'll fall together. We'll drink to the death of our love.
Leave your lips imprinted on your glass and it will be memorabilia for our future.

16. Burn.
I crash and I burn, and I find that I?m still thinking of you.
The scars on my wrists keep the score. How many times have I died tonight?
The rain falls on my shoulders as I stand on the corner. The streetlight flickers to death.
These are the feelings I?ve always had, and they?re starting to burn.
You stand in the doorway and you look at me with pity in your eyes.
I wish you were beside me, threading your fingers through mine.
I write your name and then I draw a line through it. My eraser has worn.
I love you, but I can?t find the words to say as you turn your back.

17. Losing.
I?ve cried so many times because I can?t feel you there.
I?d tell you how I feel, but I?m so afraid of drowning.
I see the glory in your eyes and I can?t take that away.
You deserve something better, something else I cannot give.
A story is spoken, and a love is lost. But I cannot speak for both parts.

18. Save Him.
Save him, please.
He doesn?t know where he?s from.
He doesn?t have anyone to go home to.
Save him from himself, please.
Because I don?t know how.

I sat by his side.
But his hands in his lap,
They were so cold.
He looked at me and shivered.
Save him, please.

I don?t know what to say.
His lips, they look lonely.
I touched his hands.
And I shivered.
Can?t you help him?

19. A Ten Story Drop.
The city streets are empty and I?m standing at the edge of a ten story meltdown.
If I let myself fall, then I?ll be giving into the love that never existed.
Was it your hands that grabbed me from behind and pulled me away from my fate?
I?d like to think so. I felt your warmth against my body, and suddenly, my world didn?t seem so important.
I painted you so many different colors, but underneath it all, you were what I wanted.

20. In the Darkness, My Faith.
I can see you?re not really seeing me.
There?s that feeling that there?s nothing there.
I cut my wrists and let it flow.
There was nothing better to do that night.
Is there something I?m missing here?
In this darkness, I found my faith.
And in this darkness, I lost you.

21. Maze.
I stood in the doorway of a place that leads no where.
I thought I had come the right way, but I look back and I know I took a wrong turn.
It was the way you said my name, it was the way you giggled when I tried to be romantic.
I stuff my hands in my pockets and look down at my feet. I don?t know where to go from here.
The way you offer, it looks so tempting, but I fell for that the last time.
The way you?re turning away from, it?s without you.
I?m so lost, can someone find me? This will be my last wish before I plunge into your depths.

22. Your Yesterday.
I lost my place. I can?t find it again.
I crossed the line just to get to you.
You held my hand, I held my tongue.
Why do I run to you?

You were my everything,
And I was your yesterday.
It looks like we?re going down together.
Make the decision before I make the cut.

I?m scratching the surface of your face,
Looking for the answers I seek.
Nothing lies inside.
I?m walking to my demise.

23. Scars.
It wasn?t supposed to happen like this.
It wasn?t supposed to end like this.
Do you see the scars on my wrists?
Damnit, they?re for you.
They?re because of you.
You don?t see what goes on when you leave me.
But even if you did, would you care?
No, I don?t think you would.
Again last night, I had that strange dream.
The one where you actually cared.
And these scars were keeping the score.

24. Goodbye.
I think it's time to go.
It's time to show the world that I give up.
I've packed my luggage and said my prayers.
I'll miss some of you.
I'll write letters, or try to. I'm not sure if I can from where I'm going.
I'm stepping off the porch, I'm not going to look back.
As I walk, I see the porch light go off, and I fade into the shadows.

25. Nothing Without You.
The streetlights have gone out and I?m ready to go,
So take my hand and deliver the final blow.
I can?t do this anymore and I don?t have the strength.
Without anything to lose, what is there to take?
I?ve cried so many nights and I?ve cut so many times.
But does that mean anything? Will you hear my rhymes?
This boy is gone forever and he?s nothing to you.
Without a meaning in life, there?s nothing left to do.[/SIZE]
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