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Writing White's Fables [E]


Ellerby
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[center][img]http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/8826/fablecopy8nj.jpg[/img][/center]

[SIZE=4][FONT=Trebuchet MS][center][b]The Squirrel and the Owl[/b][/center][/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=arial]A brown squirrel coated with a thick layer of golden highlights frolicked throughout the forest with a worried look on his face. It was early spring and the flowers were just fully blooming. An owl that was perched in an above tree hooted at the squirrel.

"Looking for something?" he said. The squirrel, astonished that an owl was even conversing with him, looked to him and replied.

"W-well yes," he stuttered. "I seem to of misplaced some acorns." The owl closed his yes and thought for a moment. He re-opened them and cooed softly.

"I have a few acorns up here. If you would be so kind as to come up here and grab them yourself, I'd gladly let you take all you wish." The squirrel immediately agreed and scurried up the large tree. About half way up, he stopped and looked at the owl.

"How can I trust you? Owls eat squirrels, do they not?" The owl nodded understandingly.

"I can see why you would be worried, but I am far too old to catch food anymore. Which is why I have these acorns." he replied.

The squirrel took the reply as a satisfactory answer and climbed up the rest of the tree. As soon as he got his way to the branch the owl was perched on, he trotted towards the acorns. Unfortunately for him, as soon as he got near the owl, it expanded it's large wings and grabbed the squirrel with one claw, flying away afterwards.[/FONT]
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[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]First of all... That was a very cute story, and I adore the innocence of your squirrel character. The style of which you've written in is very well rounded.

There are very few flaws, not in terms of grammar though. Only in the way fairy tales are traditionally written. However, unless you study fairy tales I wouldn't expect them to be changed.


One thing really bothered me... Your last sentence.
[QUOTE][FONT=arial]Unfortunately for him, as soon as he got near the owl, it expanded it's large wings and grabbed the squirrel with one claw, flying away afterwards.[/FONT][/QUOTE]
For some reason 'Flying away afterwards' doesn't seem right. Since the action word before was 'expanded,' I think that read aloud it would be rather be [i]'and flew away.'[/i]

Other then that small flaw, I love it. You've got a wonderful talent for morals and how fables / fairy tales are written.[/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[FONT=Trebuchet MS][center][size=4][b]The Cat The Cat[/b][/size][/center][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]A house cat with brown and black fur sat curiously watching two furless apes struggle to carry a large, blanketed and thin object into the house. They took it up the stairs and into the attic. Once it was in the attic, they marched downstairs.

The cat, being a very cautious creature, edged towards the unfamiliar object in a stalking manner. If something were to happen she wouldn't want to be caught in the middle of it. But after what seemed like a long time of sneaking, the cat deemed the new item harmless and sat in front of it.

When she looked up, she could tell it was at least 10 cats taller than herself. This frightened her a bit. What frightened her more, though, was when she swatted at it with her paw and the large blanket fell over and smothered her. She hissed and quickly recoiled in fear.

Once the blanket had stopped shuffling, and her heart had stopped pounding so ferociously, the cat walked back towards the object to inspect it. Her blood almost froze when she looked at the object and saw another cat staring back at her, seemingly as scared as she was.

As fast as possible, the cat whisked herself away and charged down the stairs into her bed, where she lay for quite a while, never to go to the attic again.[/FONT]
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