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Writing Feathers [PG so far]


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Be honest. If this has the makings of a full-length novel, tell me. If it's crap, tell me. I MUST KNOW!!
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[CENTER]Chapter 1: Introduction[/CENTER]
When it rains for days at a time, it reminds me of the few happy times of my life. I know that's kind of weird, because most people think rain is depressing, but to me it's the second most beautiful thing in the world, and always has been. So when I stand in the rain on a soaking wet day, I break free of my eternal depression for a moment and I can BREATHE, like it was me first breath.
You see, when I was just a baby, I was given away by my parents to an orphanage. That seems normal enough, but it wasn't an ordinary orphanage. It was run by scientists, geneticists to be precise, and the children there were all used as experiments. Living, breathing experiments.
Their goal was to create perfect soldiers, perfect people, so they were constantly finding new ways to mutate us. Some of us were human-animal cross-breeds, some were subjected to Accellerated Evolution, most died before they even woke up. I was one of the few that survived, but when I was younger, I wished I'd died. The pain was so severe I thought dying was the only way to escape.
Then, I met [I]her[/I]. I was only eight when I met her, but I knew right away she was the only friend I'd ever have. The only family, the only other person I could possibly trust. She was my salvation, and her name was Serenity.
They had decided to make us a joint experiment, so we shared a room. We shared everything, until we turned 14... They had given us the same "birthday", June Sixth, though our real birthdays were unknown. They had done this, done everything, because we looked so much alike. We both had the same black hair that shone in the light like the glossy feathers of a raven. But Serenity had deep brown eyes, and I had an icy blue color, but they overlooked this. They overlooked everything they wanted not to see.
She was the most beautiful girl I would ever meet in the years to come, and she thought I was perfect, so throughout the years we would only have each other to cry on, to count on, because no one else cared, and they made a point of telling us that every day.
"Sebastian," Serenity said during one of the most difficult, painful days, "why doesn't anyone love us? They say we're important, why don't they care?"
I couldn't explain, I never could, all I could do as she cried in my arms was tell her it was okay. It seemed like the most painful moments of my life as I held her until her sobs subsided and she fell asleep.
Ever since that day I've had nothing but hatred for the monsters that did this to us. What they did, the curse that afflicted us for all our lives and still does, always will, the curse that is also a blessing. You see, what they did, what is so horrible, is that they gave us wings.
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I think the first paragraph is beautiful, though could lead into the second paragraph better then it does (i.e. it was raining the day...). The last paragraph needs a little work as well; just in the way that the final recognition of their wings could use a little more...punch? Other then that, I think you have a short story or a novella on your hands, but a novel is a little much.

If you post more, I will read it. I really like this beginning.
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  • 3 weeks later...
It's actually evolved into more of a romance than I intended, like a sci-fi romance type thing. I'm at the 7th chapter right now, and I will definitely post more soon.
What I thought I could do, is put this short story together with a few others, but I don't know. I guess we'll just have to find out.
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