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Writing Bad Poetry


Retribution
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[font=Arial]Recently I've been wanting to write, but I'm really rusty. Any criticism is welcome and much appreciated. If you want to talk about a specific poem or in general, go for it!

[b]oh grow up[/b]

oh come on im not a kid anymore
i took a while ago
no longer do i cry for mommy

i stand alone, manhattan is my island
don't shove me through those--
your-- rusty cracks
in the sidewalk
i can take the agony, rob me
leave me to die
i'm no longer a child
i can walk on my own
don't put your glass in my path i--
i want to shatter but
i can only pitifully congeal


[b]Untitled[/b]

i have always been missing
a certain axe within
velocities and densities too small to
bother calculating
Napoleonic conquests
I am living at waterloo.
Perpetuality, a finite entity
i play dress up with you
you settle for tea and silence
i play along -- earl grey or morning?
like you give a shit


[b]Untitled 2[/b]

& I urge the drunk woman
could she want
them taking hot chocolate
smell her wet dress
rain hit
my gorgeous blue petal


[b]Mother[/b]

when you are
old and frail,
i will pick
you up in
my arms and
love you[/font]
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[size=1]I absolutely adore [i]Mother[/i] although I have to admit the one before it looks a great deal like someone had too much fun with the fridge magnets... you know, the ones that come with lots of words and you can make them say anything? Yeah, those. Heh. I like the idea of the first one, and the second one kind of scares me. ^_^; Nice basis, though, and definately brave. Very, very brave. >.>[/size]
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[quote name='Retribution'][font=Arial]Only [i]Untitled 2[/i] is the result of fridge magnet poetry, but very good catch! Haha.

Are there any points I could improve upon that you see? While I do appreciate the compliments, I'm also looking for some genuine criticism.[/font][/QUOTE]

[size=1]*grins* That'd be a tad easier if one wasn't fridge poetry.

No, seriously though. It's a tad harder to give critisism on free verse, which has no rhyme or meter. The first one doesn't have either, although I guess I can kind of see it. Hmm. The last one doesn't seem to have it, either.

The second one does, though. The beat is a tad off, but not noticable unless you read it aloud. That has to do with how the words are pronounced and the amount of syllables.

For me, though, it's hard to crit poetry because it's more personal than a story. *shrugs*[/size]
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