Writing Molly

[wiccansamurai]

Molly needs help
but she aint gettin none
tried to end her life
swallowed a bottle of motrin

She screamed at her mom
she screamed at her friends
but not out loud
so this is how it ends

She looked and looked
she looked for another way
But she couldnt find it
so she planned for thye day

She was lost
she didnt know
All she knew
was that she couldnt let it show

Molly need help
but she aint findin none
So she knows wat to do
She gets that bottle of motrin

Shes full of peace
that has left her
and a light that
has losts its luster

Shes drowning
cant ne1 see?
Can't anyone help
this girl called molly?

As the darkness engulfs her
She screams out
But theres nothing left
no one to hear her shout

Molly needs help
but she aint gettin none
So she has to do it
She has to swallow that bottle of motrin

this one is longer, but its also crap

[vegeta rocker]

Hn weird. Lain.......
well it looks like it could really be something. I don't know if you did all the errors on purpose, but they distract from the poem.

Just clean it up a bit and shorten, longer isn't always better. In fact, take all the extra writing and use it to improve the main stanzas.

[Kaola Su]

I liked it alot. I thing some things were a little off, like the rhyming of motrin and none. It just sounds weird to me, just not right! Also it says on the second "molly" part, it says "Molly need help" instead of Molly needs help, easy mistake to make though, so it's okay.

[wiccansamurai]

yeah, it was long... i hate typing long stuff.... as i said, its crap....

[DarK DeatH]

The "subject" is nice, but I think it's weird the rhyming combined with the non-rhyming... It looked weird how you used it... And you should clean the typos, even if they were made on purpose, that's not something very common in poems... Also, like Kaola said, the "motrin" with "none" didn't work very well... But overall, not bad.

[wiccansamurai]

i wrote this a long time ago, and it wasnt as "Inspired" as the resat of my poem were.