Writing A Poem of Release. ::Plz comment::

[Shinkoru]

[color=indigo][I]
You can look into my eyes,
Doorways to my soul.

If you could you would see,
Exactly what you mean to me.

Youre not here,
Your to far away.

Look into my eyes you cannot,
Peer into my soul you canot do.

Since you cannot Listen here,
And I, My love, Shall give you a clue.

Not a moment goes by that my mind does not drift to you.
Not a Second passes that my heart does not long for you.

Lost and confused, you show me the way.
Everything I do I see how you change me.

You make me better than I could be alone,
Yett your not here for real.

Having you with me life this I would guess,
Is no compare to having you really here.

But I'm still confused, lost, and afraid.

My heart is in teromil about the decisions I've made.

He stands before me,
You stand beside me.

What choice to make,
My heart shows its clear,
My head disagrees.

What do I do?
I hope you will wait,
Til a gap can be reached,
And final decision made.[/I]



___________

You know who its for, you know whos its about, you know who you are.
Everyone else, comment, show me any corrections u think hsould be made, I'd appricate. Thanks. -Danni[/color]

[Phantom]

i originally feared to reply because i am so scared of waht i am not going to get... but the poem itself..it is fantastic... *sighs* ...im sorry.

[Sara]

[size=1]There are a few spelling/typing errors. Run it through MS Word spellcheck, it'll catch most of that stuff.

It's not bad. The
[i]Look into my eyes you cannot,
Peer into my soul you canot do.
[/i] Bit seems a bit off. Makes me think of Yoda..none of the rest of the poem is worded like that.

Hope things work out okay.[/size]

[Shinken]

That's a good poem. It has a lot of emotion in it (along with a few spelling errors, but even so). I hope all goes well; good luck.

Hitokiri Battosai