Writing Dinitrogen Oxide

[Purcatalli]

Named after my comic. Pretty much written off the top of my head. I want to know what people think....



Seeking pins and needles
It?s what?s inside that heals the pain
I?ll enjoy it now while I can

Laughing as I watch you struggle
Bound to the chair by pins and needles
There, there
Don?t you feel better now?

Laughing as I tear the earth open
Digging and digging deeper
Like pins and needles
(Five feet...six feet)

Laughing as I throw you down
Are the muddy walls too steep to climb?
Say goodnight, love
(As I say good-bye)

Laughing as I hear you screaming
While I tuck you in to your new bed
Safe and sound under ground
A lullaby only for you

Crying after I realize what I?ve done....

[dd protector]

creepy....

well thats gotta be detrimental to the soul. It gives me goosebumbs just reading it.

I like it.
^^

But why would they cry if they enjoyed watching them struggle in vain. That doesn't really make sence..

[Purcatalli]

It's based on the story of a character of mine. He was in love, but she ended up betraying or some what not. Blah blah. Heartbreak. Anger. And my chara, Aryk, doesn't handle anger very well. He's a bit unstable in zee 'ead. So, he expressed his anger in his own...special way. And when the feeling passed...well yeah. I'm sure we've all said or done a few things we later on began to regret.

And I'm glad it kinda creeped you out. That was the response I was hoping to get. ^__^

[Avatarofkaine]

I found that the last 5 lines were probaly the ones that hit hardest, they seem to stand up much higher than the rest of the poem, which is prolly/definately a good thing, always good to finish with a bang.

All in all i found that it was a very good poem, you seem to be quite talented keep it up.