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Writing CAUTION: Wormholes In Toilet


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Pete knew he shouldn?t have had that Gutbuster Bomba Burrito? for breakfast. His intestines felt like they were going to burst. Rectal pressure made Pete wince in agony. The build-up of gas was getting unbearable, and his bowels were begging for release. But Pete?s research paper came first; his colon would have to wait its turn. The paper was due in less than an hour, and Pete still had two pages to write. His colon sensed his urge to ignore it, and sent a shudder of intestinal distress through him. Take that! his colon exclaimed. Pete tried to ignore that last attack on his person from his rectum and continued with the conclusion of his paper. Colons are known for short tempers and unforgiving vengeance, and Pete?s colon was no exception. It decided to bring out the heavy artillery and loosened itself, throwing Pete into a panic. Oh, no! Pete thought and rushed to the potty.

Along the way he passed his little sister, Becky. She wondered why her older brother was waddling so strangely, but quickly became disinterested in her brother and resumed playing with Proctologist Barbie and Patient Ken. ?Doctor, it?s burning again.? Ken would explain. Barbie would then ask, ?Did you do it AGAIN?? Ken just looked sheepishly at the floor. ?You?ve got to keep your finger out of there if you want the burning to stop? she lightly chastised, ?here, let me have a look.?

Pete shut the bathroom door quickly and hurried to the toilet, pulling his pants and green boxers down as he went. He barely made it before a stream of liquidy brownness came pouring from his bottom. He sat for what seemed like an eternity, while great sounds bellowed from beneath and echoed against the porcelain. All of this defecating was draining, and Pete slumped back against the tank.

Interesting thing about wormholes, you never know where they might be. Apparently, there was one in Pete?s toilet.

He found himself in a tropical paradise. It was filled with bright and shiny colors and strobe lights and disco balls flashed. There was loud music blaring, and an orangutan was rolling around on a pair of roller-skates. Pete wondered what had just happened. Where had his bathroom gone? He glanced into a floating mirror and was perplexed yet pleasantly surprised at what he saw. He was a neon blue banana, and wore a polka dotted jacket. He gasped and could only utter ?why?? Just then, as if in response to his question, a three-foot long, fuzzy, purple, feather boa jumped out of a previously invisible cherry tree. ?You?re in Neverland Ranch.?

?Neverland Ranch?? Pete asked, ?Michael Jackson?s Neverland Ranch??

The boa named Steve replied, ?Oh, no! We do not associate ourselves with freaks. No, our emperor is Leonardo Garcia De Sade. He?s ruled over our island for about a month now.?

An orange dwarf hopping around on a pogo stick caught Pete?s eye. ?Has your island always been this?interesting?? he asked.

?No, only about a month.? Steve The Feather Boa answered.

Pete needed to know what Neverland Ranch was like last month and inquired as such, ?What was this place like last month??

?Quite drab! Quite drab indeed! We were all Pacmen and all one shade of gray. Very difficult to tell each other apart!?

?And Emperor De Sade changed all that??

?Very much so, he did! Definitely!? Steve replied.

?May I meet Emperor De Sade?? Pete requested.

Steve The Feather Boa saw no problem with it, and agreed to journey with Pete to De Sade?s castle.

The roller-skating orangutan jumped a triple axel and landed gracefully on his back. The orangutan, who was named Theodore, stared up at the green clouds as they propelled themselves with their outboard engines. He wondered what it was like up there, but then returned to his book on astrophysics. Theodore quickly fell asleep. He thought there were cartoons in it.
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Uh...Well...Weird. Good, but very weird. I do have one gripe though; how Pete adapts so quickly to the environment. Sure, when he first appeared he was shocked, but having having Steve tell him where he was, he seemed just fine. I know I'd be shocked for more than a few seconds if that happened to me...Especially if I had a boa talking to me... o.O;; Anyway, carry on, puhleeze. I wanna see how this continues. ^_^
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