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Help me with the saga that is my life...


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Thought I would share a personal story (for the first time) as I am looking for some feedback. Now I know a lot of you peeps are just youngins... but hopefully there will be a few out there that can answer my question here at the end...

::Grab a spoon and dig in::

Well, these have been quite some interesting weeks.
Friday, I had a bit of a break down when the realization of the finality of my relationship with Dan hit me.
I guess I should premise a bit.....

Wednesday night I had tre weird dream, it was a very long one at which the beginning contained clips of Dan and I. I remember such an odd feeling, like in the dream, I knew we were over, I knew that we would never be again, and it kinda made me sad. I was super confused in the dream because I didn't understand what I had done to lose him, I just knew there was nothing I could do to get back together. Any who - I woke up Thursday with a very strange feeling and opted to stay home that day. It had been a while since I took a day off, and I just felt.... like, drained. Had a talk with my mom about it and she said not to worry, you know... common Mom reply stuff.
So here was Thursday, and I ended up doing some work on the computer at home that's been on the back burners for a while now.... then.... BAM! The power goes out. Everywhere in the area. Went out around 4:15ish... and stayed off all night. The incident now being labeled, "The Blackout of '03". Laf. So now, bored for the rest of the day, I am left with my dreams from the night before. *blick* I opted to call my friend Benji and have him come over to keep me company, he did and we ended playing some cards and smoking... (in the dark.. hehe). I love Benji - but he is gay and has not had a relationship that has lasted for over even three months... I knew he really wasn't going to offer what I was looking for. He left around 9ish, and I went to bed shortly after.... I hate no electricity... laf.
Enter Friday. I came into work on Friday, feeling a bit more relaxed, having had the power returned to us around midnight, and plans to go out that night with my old best friend from high school, Becca, I was pretty stoked.
The day was ok, a little crazy on the phone due to the Blaster worm that was going around infecting everyone's ME & XP platforms... (lemme tell ya how much fun those calls were.. *chuckle*) but was winding down and it was soon time to leave for the day. I'm talking to this customer that needed assistance re-routing his CD Rom so we could uninstall and reinstall his Dial-up Networking from CD, when Dan starts IM'ing (Aol Messenger) me talking about his plans for the weekend. I asked a question, and was not at all ready for the answer I received.
I asked him if he had met anyone, and when he replied yes, and that they had gone out on a date Wednesday night to a baseball game, I just looked blankly at my screen. I couldn't believe it. I don't know why, but I had not been prepared to hear what I just did. I started choking up in my conversation with the customer, as tears started swelling in my eyes (No this isn't an invite to a pity party.. ^_~), I felt like I had just gotten my heart ripped out. I knew it wasn't his fault.. at all, that's what he said he was going to be doing, dating people. I just didn't understand why it happened so fast, and I dunno, the dream just kept coming back to me.
I decided to talk to him outside for a bit before I left for home and explained that even though I wanted to maintain a friendly relationship at work, I was not going to be able to hang out with him after working hours any more. He, confused as to where I was coming from, just kept saying to me that I knew this was going to happen, and that I should have thought more about the probable response to the question I asked regarding if he had met anyone. I let him know, that I was happy I asked the question, and though I was hurt by the reply, I knew it was eventually to come. I also let him know that I did not want to be mad at him for any reason, so for this I thought the best course of action would be to just detach myself from the situation. He just looked at me and asked for a hug, I turned around and started walking away, wished him a good night, hopped in the car and drove home with crocodile tears streaming down my face.
The whole ride home, I just kept asking myself why this was such hurtful news for me to swallow. Three years, so much that we had been through, so many plans that were now not to be. It finally hit me. We were over and that's what I was upset about. Just as in my dream, the finality of the whole thing hit me hard like a brick across my down trodden face. I hadn't "mourned" about our broken relationship because I was so sure in my head that we were going to get back together, even though in my heart I knew we weren't right for one another, my brain had no clue.
I went out on Friday with Becca, (That's another saga all together...), and returned home that night with a goal in place for this weekend.
All weekend I wrote, and painted and drew. It was so nice. I wasn't sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I wasn't feeling bad that I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or nice enough to keep a relationship. I was just me, by myself... and it felt good.

So my question is, has anyone had a time where you realized your something was over or no more long past when you should have realized it? I'm just interested to see if it was just my silly girlie emotional reactions, or if sometimes, things just hit people a little later then they should have.

Thanks for listening... ^_^
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Anyone that says "tré" is automatically cool in my book. Here's my girle emotions... :( lol

Quite a while back I was dating this girl named Colleen. She lived in Dayton, Ohio (school is in Athens, which is even farther)... I live in Chicago, Illinois. It's over a seven hour drive, and that's assuming I'm speeding and there's no traffic.

Anyway, we basically fell in love with eachother. There was a long, nearly two year process that lead up to it. When I went to visit her, we just decided to stay together.

Honestly, where else am I going to find a girl that has eclectic rock music tastes, loves cartoons, thinks pet fish are the best things ever and likes coloring books... yet still remains mature and intelligent? Probably nowhere. She rocked.

Anyway, we were together for about seven months. Perhaps not a long time by many standards, but it felt like an eternity. I worked and went to college. So did she. I was also the only one who drove at the time, so it was basically all up to me.

Eventually it just got too hard to keep up and we seperated. The problem was that we didn't seperate on remotely bad terms. We were still very much in love with eachother. For many weeks afterwards we still basically treated eachother as though we were together.

That eventually fizzled out as well. We both dated other people, although neither of us seemed to have an easy time with it. On top of that it just became very hard for us to find anything to say to eachother. It was just awkward... especially on her part. She made it quite a bit worse than it needed to be.

It took me quite a while, even after all that, to realize that we're not getting back together and that was that. I always seemed to find things that could be read into as her wanting to try and get back together. I probably would have too, since I'm stupid like that. I wound up messing up another relationship because of all of it. I had a really strong attachment to her.

Anyway, we're talking more again... although not lots. We get along like normal again, which is nice. I'm totally over it. Have been for a long time now. It's nice to move on, I guess heh.
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I tried for a very long time to make a relationship work, that was never meant to.

I am still very good friends with the girl, but I don't talk to her as much as I'd like.

School's staring soon. I'll see her then.

But moving on can sometimes be one of the better things in life. It's like being reborn, with more experiance and knowlegde.
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