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Writing Rise


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Eh.. sorry, I was in a rush, I didn't even explain, anyway, I fixed the errors... I thought of this over the summer and it all came together, so tell me what you think!


Lost ones reach for the stars,
Kept only by their thoughts of glory
Still, they reach for the sun,
Only to find a burning hell

Rise, the earth shatters still,
Lost in it's bitter, pointless warring
Fly, fly past the moon,
Search for a starlit sanctuary

News of the shattering world
Breaks on a planet
Void of evil,
The shattering threatens to kill,
Kill this starlit sanctuary

Past the wonderful world,
A wasteland, vengeful and misguided
Conspires, decides to steal,
Steal the power of the world

A falshood determines a fate,
A fate that will crush an innocent world

Rise, the planets divide,
Chaotic warfare splits the nation
Save, saving the world,
An angel will punish the evil hordes

Rejoice! restored are the worlds,
Never again to be in darkness
A monolith stands to remind,
Remind of the sacrifice,
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[size=1] The poem is good, but suffers from a few mispellings, the incorrect use of the possesive its, which doesn't have an apostrophe s, due to the fact that the contraction it is uses it's, while its doesn't.

Also, the poem is really fragmented, lacking of interesting verbs and things of that like, which causes the reader to not fully take in the information. It also flows so quickly that you read it that way, and this ends up the reader beginning to read nearly as soon as he ends.

Whether this is intentional or not is a thing to be argued, but it's not a bad thing, but on the other hand is in some cases. But I guess everything has a pro and con when you think about it. So it's decent, but could be better, of course.[/size]
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[color=666666][size=1][i]That was written well. I like it a lot. You must have a lot of talent to be able to make it that long. But then again it is coming from someone who knows nothing about poems except that I can break them down and figure out what they mean. Well anyways, its a good poem and I would like to see more.[/color][/size][/i]
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