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Writing The Other Me...


Shinkoru
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[color=gray][center]

Within myself, there is another me.
She sees what I see,
Says what I say,
But she is not me.

Her eyes are deeper,
Her sadness so obvious.
Taking my pain, and acting on her own.[/color]

[color=darkblue]
My pain is her pain, I see through her eyes,
I lie within her soul,
I take her pain and make it my own,
I lok it away and try to stop her pain.

My eyes are dark,
my heart is cold to everyone but her.[/color]

[color=gray]
She is me, but not.
She thinks and acts on her own,
I go to her for shelter when I am all alone.

She takes me away,
Making me safe,
Taking the pain,
Making it go away.

This time was diffrent,
IT did not go away..

It hasn't gone away.[/color]

[color=darkblue]
This pain was a knew one,
She had never felt.

I tried to stop it,
To prevent it,
But it just hurt her more.

Love is this enmey,
That caused her this pain.

I cannot stop it,
Nor will I try,
But I can be there,
When the love is gone.[/color]

[color=gray]When the Love is gone..[/color]

[color=darkblue]I will still be here.[/color][/center]
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Interesting and very deep in ways that not all can preciveve. I don't think even I can fully understand the fullness of such a poem. I can feel the same things, it feels as if I know who the 'she' is... But that may just be my alter ego I'm thinking of... Anyway... I really like the imagry this poem brings to mind when I read it.
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[color=gray][center]
Today that pain came back even harder.
That pain from love,
I had to run,
And hide...

In "her".
[/color][color=darkblue]

Today her pain grew.
He did it.
I know he did not mean it,
But her hurt her.

I did not wish to se her cry thoes tears again,
So I took her pain.
This pain hurts.

This "Love" that brings pain.
Why when he is not near her,
She hurts so much?

Can someone answer me?
Is this love good?
Because sometimes it makes her so happy.

But others,
She is so sad her heart feels..

Like it is going to break.[/color]

[color=gray]
It wasn't his fualt he had to go.
But I really want him back.

I miss him so much,
My heart hurts so bad..

I want my love back...[/color]
[color=darkblue]

I must protect her....[/color]
[color=gray]
From?[/color]
[color=darkblue]
This evil...[/color]

[color=gray]L[/color][color=darkblue]o[/color][color=gray]v[/color][color=darkblue]e[/color][color=gray]....[/color][/center]
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[font=arial][color=deeppink]
Absolutely amazing. I loved it. I've actually written a slightly similar poem, but with a different theme than love. Anyway, this poem was beautifully written. I usually don't like freestyle poems(no pattern), but this one was really good. I can really empathize with you over loving a guy, and being so happy when you're with him, and then you realize you have to leave, and you're sad and confused again. Aya...such is life. Great poem, keep writing!

[i]-Karma[/i]
[/color][/font]
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[center][color=gray]Yeah, who said my poem was imignary? *looks around* I certinly Didn't..lol. And Its not about what u think Karma. Its not like that..

_______________________________________

This love is stronger now,
My eyes tear to see him.[/color]

[color=darkblue]
Her love is not what it should be.
I must protect her.[/color]

[color=gray]
Wishing, waiting, Hoping,
That my dream Dosen't come true.

If it did I would hurt so many...
That I love.[/color]

[color=darkblue]
Twisting up inside,
Staring at the Abyss.

This love tears at our heart.
Beating as one.

I want to stop it,
I want to stop her pain.[/color]

[color=gray]
I want to stop this,
I want to stop my pain.

I want it to go away,
I hide.[/color]

[color=darkblue]
There is a secrete.
Many do not know.

The mask she wears covers me.

I am her she is me.
But which is which?

Am I the mask?
....or is she?[/color]

[color=gray]
Reading between the lines,
They blur then dissapear.

I hide my pain..
Or does she hide in me?

I don't know anymore...[/color]

[color=teal] The Line between the reality and ilusion blurrs..
Can you tell the true heart?
Can you see the true me?

Am I a mask or the pain?

Please tell me...[/color]

[color=gray]I don't...[/color][color=darkblue]Know anymore...[/color][/center]
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[center][color=gray]The lines blur...[/color]

[color=darkblue]Two becomes one...[/color]

[color=gray]I take you into me...[/color]

[color=darkblue]For all eternity..[/color]

[color=teal] The lines meshed, two become one,
The good and the bad,
Togather at last..

Which was the real?
Which was the mask?

Now I know,
So I'll tell you,

The pain was real,
And the happiness too.

Both were the real,
But both were the mask,
Both holding false hoods,
Both holding truth,
So who you see now...[/color]

[color=gray]Is[/color][color=darkblue] whole[/color][color=gray] and[/color][color=darkblue] True.[/color]

[color=gray] We are one.
One in the same.
[/color]

[color=darkblue] We are whole,
Two became one.

But Can you tell...
Can you see?
If a darkness,
Still lurks within me?

I am the one that took her pain,
I refuse to accept this.

I have had enough of this love,
How dare she say I am un needed any longer..

Espically with what she laid to me the other day..
I will rid her of this pain,
for now I am her,
and she is me.

Two into one, but still I will rein.[/color]

[color=gray] Happiness comes,
But still the darkness wheeps..

I will try my best,
to console her heart,
and repair the damage I have done.[/color]

[color=teal]I am whole.[/color][/center]
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[color=deeppink]
This is one of the better pieces of poetry I've seen in a long time. Yes, it turned out different than I first thought it would.

The first verse suggests that she is the product of your pain, or broken heart. Someone that stopped loving you. Yet she protected you from that pain.

In the second verse, you continue with this idea of love being the cause of her, and your, pain. So you took the pain that she felt, and put it upon yourself. "This evil love."

The third verse, both of your 'selfs' seem to blur together, not exactly whole, not exactly seperate. You both share the pain.

"Am I a mask or the pain?"

This was an intresting line. That your true self was the pain, and that happiness was just a mask. Or perhaps that's backwards.

Verse four brought the entire poem together beautifully. You shift away from the idea of love, and simply focus on the two pieces of one whole.

"Both were the real,
But both were the mask,
Both holding false hoods,
Both holding truth"

So since the melded, you become a complete truth...but also a falsehood? Intresting.

"Two into one, but still I will rein."

Who are you refering to now? The pain or the happiness?

All in all, very good. The poem's progression isn't exactly plotted out, although you can tell what the final objective will be. The different font colors added another level, and although they might be confusing, they also made it more obvious the two different 'people.'

Personally, I think this poem would be best left at the 4 verses you have now, but if you do decide to continue it, it certainly will be intresting.

-Karma

{You should run your poem through Word Perfect or Microsoft Word or whichever word processor you have to check for spelling. Correct spelling makes for easier reading.}
[/color]
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