Kyo no Ryu Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 in stead of making seperate ones Im posting all of them here. heres one: [i]frozen[/i] frozen no escape no awake cryogenic Ill wake up in a few years but if no one knows me Ill just shed tears it wasnt my decission but its my mission soon I wont think soon I wont breath soon I wont move wont have a sigh to heave breath less alone wakeless dethroned how long will I be here? what if the forget? am I doomed? will I die? will my spirit fly? here i go goodbye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittie Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 [color=silver] Kyo...I wonder...are all of your poems so bittersweet with hints of sadness? I Love your genre of choice! Loverly write you've got here! :wave: [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 thanks I just started today! Ill edit with another. And dont use too many big words I am but a 12 year old child. [i]what happens when you cross halves[i] The new poem maker on the block Kyo is interesting I think its my mind hes testing he was talking about farts just 2 hours ago but now hes sad like he stubbed his toe I dunno can I trust this guy? he makes you feel gulty about watching clows get pied but what makes me mad isnt that he makes it sad but that afterward he acts so glad most say hes a freak some call him a geek hes taunted 5 days a week yet when he writes his sorrow he smiles and goes on into tommorow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 [color=teal][font=times new roman][b]Wow, you're twelve? You are pretty good. I must agree with Kitty. It sounds to me like you are questioning life. Which seems about right, I started questioning what life was about and what happens when you die when I was around twelve. I am eighteen now, and I still question. It's something that you have to live your whole life to figure out. Your poetry is really good, especially for being so young. (I feel like an old lady *sniffles*) You raise some interesting questions and that's good. I don't read much poetry, but the poetry that I have read never left me wondering. It's good to have something different. Keep it up, kiddo~_^[/color][/font][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maikiratori Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I have to agree with them both... Your poetry is great, and interesting...I do like to know that the nation's young is questioning things at an early age. It puts my heart at ease to know not everyone is a damn sheep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 Wow thanks I never knew I was a poet^_^ I was making those up as I went but they seem to ain high praise. And I seem to be the only one whos not a "darn sheep", if you read the second one, those things about me are very true. Ill post anther when Im more awake, its 2:00 bt I was up till 6:00AM OK here it is: [i]evil hamster[/i] Little rodent hamters haunt me I know it sounds crazy but I saw an evil hamster maybe my visions hazy maybe Im sick from being lazy but I saw an evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster in my mind I may have gone blind but I saw an evil hamster I used to think they were so cute but this one was a real brute yes I saw an evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster evil hamster haunt my dreams fangs and claws and everything and if you dont believe me oh well, I know I saw an evil hamster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maikiratori Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 I see you liked me Damn sheep thing... I liked it too...Then again I sometimes am a sheep so I can't really talk too much..but I like saying damn something a lot so meh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 here comes one hmmmm....topic topic topic....hmm..... THATS IT!!! [i]topic[/i] dedicated to my uncle everything always has a topic everyone seems to classify especilly in school, if you dont have a topic your teacher will never let it fly some people think theres no need for cadegory but think of when your doing laundry "oh now thats a different story" well, not really think about it, when I say "what kind of music do you like?" yo always reply "music doesnt neep to be classified" but it does or else youd have to memorize the name of every song youve ever heard in your life so before you try to sound all smart think about what I said be dumb like the rest of us until the day your dead That wasnt very good but it reminds me of my uncle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 [color=deeppink] Ahehehehehheh...evil hamsters!! Most excellent. It's pretty uncommon to find a poet that can write both melancholic and randomly 'happy' things, and do it well. Okay...now to catch up on my reviews, as per promised. Frozen: Very intresting. The way you chose to present your theme was quite unique. I'm guessing that the underlying message is 'if I was gone, would they just forget about me?' Nice and original, I liked it a lot. Normally I would tell someone to break it up into stanzas, but having all your lines together seems to work, and actually make it flow better than if it had been broken up. Once again, nice job. What Happens When You Cross Halves: Once again, excellent and original. It's intresting how you view yourself. And the poem itself flowed [i]very[/i] well. A little random and sporadic, but still makes sense. Good job! =) Evil Hamster: XD Topic: Yet another really intresting one! You come up with very cool ideas for your poems. Contrary to your statement, I thought this one was absolutely wonderful. Everyone does have a 'topic' and it's useless to say that you're all encompasing. Or that you know everything. Admit that sometimes you'll be wrong. This was my favorite (besides Evil Hamster), and definatly a keeper. (I'd like to meet your uncle, he sounds like a really spiffy person. ^-~) Overall, the only thing I would do to improve your poetry is to edit them grammar-wise once you've finished writing them. It makes them easier to read, and more people are likely to read them because it looks much more professional and like you're serious about your poetry. If you'd like, you could even send them to me, and I'll edit them for you. And beware of not breaking your poems up into stanzas. It has worked really well for your poems so far, but that might not always be the case. Try and read over to make sure the poems make sense if they're all grouped together, or if it would be easier to read them broken up. All in all, great work. I can't wait to see more, and I apologize for taking so long to review your current work. I have a bad habit of forgetting things. Keep writing! -Karma [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted November 2, 2003 Author Share Posted November 2, 2003 Thank you! Now I can continue my poems. My uncle is EXTREMELY smart but he always says not to clissify music and it bugsme. [i]friends[/i] you know you like your friends their your strength their your weekness and your backup too you couldnt be without them, that would be the end of you no friends is like no life and you dont like enemies dont get them confused or youll have friendimies Im like dr. Suess with a sick twist listen as I mix destruction with friendship their your hope and your downfall they save you from drowning then push you down a waterfall do you trust someone and be weak or trust none and be lonely trust everyone and you die trust no one and you cry murder or suicide? your life, you decide And there you have my favorite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 [color=deeppink] I can see why it's your favorite. The beginning is a little awkward, but the last 3 to 2 stanzas were [i]really[/i] good. they save you from drowning then push you down a waterfall That line really just hits you. It's an excellent metaphor. trust everyone and you die trust no one and you cry murder or suicide? your life, you decide Another very 'hit you in the face' line. You're putting out the fact that either way, you're going to get hurt, it's just your choice as to how you do it. Once again, wonderful. These lines are really similar to a Linkin Park song: do you trust someone and be weak or trust none and be lonely (song): Do you trust someone and live in phonieness Or trust no one and live in loneliness? You might try changing them, so that people don't think you're copying them. Like I said before, really good poem. It's my favorite of your poems so far too. ;) -Karma [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted November 4, 2003 Author Share Posted November 4, 2003 true. Thats because I borrowed it from LP. I was practically singing the song as I typed.and it trust NOBODY and live in lonliness. heres a LP poem I posted in daily poem. this one isnt all that. A Place for my head the poem I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark night, shining from the light of the sun What a sight the moons fake light Dances across the sky Sky so hi but the sun doesn?t give the light to the moon assuming the moons gunna owe it one Their not alive They don?t strive To drive Each other down In the ground No greed Among the nonliving Makes me think of how you act with me you do, favors then rapidly you just turn around and start askin me about things that you want back from me Who do you think you are? Your wrong by far If you want something, work Do something This wont work Tidings I wont bring I?m sick of the tension sick of the hunger sick of you actin like a owe you this. Find another place to feed your greed while I find a place to rest Leave me alone Drop the phone Don?t contact Don?t react Go away Go and play Get out of my face Find your place Lose the race You disgrace I don?t owe you Let me sleep Let me rest Let me find a place for my head I wanna be in another place I hate when you say you don?t understand. No! Don?t speak! Don?t ask! Don?t blink! I wanna be with the energy not with enemy a place for my head You make me sound like the bad guy But its all you I don?t have to give you anything You helped and you want pay? You donated your strength And you want something in return Without permission Is that your mission? Go away You?ve made yourself unwanted Die Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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