DarkElfAngel Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 hey everyone! just thought i'd write some of my poems here ^_^ well here's the first one. Friends I'll dress up as a clown I'll wear lots of funny hats I'll jump up and down Just so you will laugh I'll bring you lots of flowers So you won't ever be sad I'll annoy you all the time Hoping you won't get mad I'll sing silly songs And make actions for them too If you ever get sick of them I'll try and make something new So please don't be sad I'll be there till the end You don't ever have to worry Because I'll always be your friend. Written by Short <--- thats me! ^_^ well if u like this one i'll maybe put up more l8erz! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maikiratori Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Cute!! I like them... It's very interesting and cute...Very upbeat...A nice change from what I've been writing lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkElfAngel Posted October 29, 2003 Author Share Posted October 29, 2003 well since i got such a positive review for my last poem i decided to put another one ^_^ well here it is. My Destiny I looked everywhere Up and down Side to side And even around I told myself "Don't worry, My destiny will come If it is meant to be" So I sat there in wonder As the years went by If my destiny will make me smile Or just make me cry But now I'm not scared I know it's meant to be All that searching with the answer right there I found out my destiny.....was me By Shortie-chan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 [color=deeppink][font=arial] Wow, I really loved your second poem. Very bright and outspoken. A 'glad to be me!' type of poem that is optimistic without being overly...happy. Poems like that tend to get sickly sweet, but you did it very well. Good job! (My favorite line is the last one, can't you tell? ^-~) Your first poem actually held a kind of bittersweet undertone. Like you're so dedicated to your friends, you're willing to play the fool for them. Almost sounds as if your friends could be better friends. But that's just my angsty, depressing opinion. I can make almost anything have a dark side. ^^;; Anyway, good job! Keep writing! -Karma [/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieko Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 O_O woah... those... were.... GREAT!! They're much better than mine! I love the first one becuase I find it unique. Most of the poems in this forum are depressed and sad (no offence, it makes them good^_^ and anyway, mine are sad like that) but your poem was very bright and spontaineous^_^! I loved the idea, the rythem was great, and it rhymed very well (not that it had to, but I think you were trying to) ^_^! GREAT job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkElfAngel Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 wow! ^_^ i didnt think i would get such nice reviews for my poems thankies. well i guess i couldnt change the style with this next one. it's kind sad but i'll see wat u think... Broken Heart The glass shatters The windows crack The wind howls The demons are back I walk alone This lonely night Will nobody come Will I have to fight this fight Nobody knows What troubles I hide Is anyone here Are you on my side What will become Of this world full of hate Can no one change Or is this all fate Am I really here Can you see my heart Am I unique Or just one part Emotions are stupid They just get in the way If you don't get rid of them Then you will pay Believe it or not Cause it happened to me I had to pay with heartbreak Can you still not see If you don't You need to wake up This is no dream Get up off your butt This world is too cruel For you to sleep You need to get up Get up on your feet How can you dream Dreams bring false hope All these things you say These feeling won't cope You say feelings are good I'm sorry to say You've got it all wrong Feelings are something we all have to pay Love is one feeling I still don't get It cost so much I thought I lost a bet The price was big Though just one part It's gone for good I lost....my heart Written by Short P.S. this waz actually the very first poem i wrote. the next few ones all have something in common and hopefully when i put up the next ones u'll see why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isus Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 i like em!!!!! very very much,especially the last one!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkElfAngel Posted November 4, 2003 Author Share Posted November 4, 2003 well thnkies for such ur nice review ^_^ i guess i can put up the next one since im so nice ^_^;; Raindrops Onto myself The raindrops fall Flooding my world Drowning my life No one's here To help me up The rain comes It's here to stay I want to stay But the pain's too much I need to leave But you hold me back Don't let me go I'm afraid to fall Stay with me I need you here Didn't you hear I yelled it out I'm afraid to go To let you leave I'm telling you now Don't you see I don't want to leave Cause the person who loves you is.....me Written by Short this one didnt have many rhyms cuz i wanted to try and do something different. let me know wat u think ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 [color=deeppink] Broken Heart: Nice. A turn from the happy note of your previous poems. Not my favorite, but still, well-written. Raindrops: Pretty metaphor, drowning in rain. Raindrops of pain? That rhymed. Weird. Okay, enough of my rambling. I liked this one. -Karma [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkElfAngel Posted November 9, 2003 Author Share Posted November 9, 2003 why thankies KOC for ur nice reviews ^_^ well i guess i can put up the next poem. yay! ^_^;; Bleeding Heart Heartfeld wishes Dashing dreams All this hoping Is one big sceam Loving hearts Knowing minds All telling me I must be kind Meaningful tears Numorous lies All these things come When something inside me dies I guess it wasn't enough When I offered only me You broke my heart again Why can you still not see? I trusted you I loved you so I offered you everything And I never said no But you left for someone else And I'm waiting for a start A time where I can sit and heal And comfort my Bleeding Heart Written by Shortie-chan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rememberence Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 AHHHHHHHH! That's so sweet! I really love them! I couldn't write better! If i showed them to the teacher in charge of Writer's club he would say the same thing! that is so cool!:LOL: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 [color=deeppink] This one was really good too. I can relate to the theme, as I have recently gone through something just like that. You give them everything...and they take it, break it, and never look back. Stanza 3 was the part that really kind of hits. Something inside you dies. All in all, very nice! Try fixing your spelling in the first two stanzas though, it makes a little hard to read and understand. -Karma [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkElfAngel Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 thank u guys for ur nice reviews ^_^ yay! people actually like my poems! hehehe well I guess I can put up the next poem ne? Just Leave Me Alone I?ve had enough Why can?t I stop? I keep thinking of you From bottom to top I want to give up I want you to leave Why do you plague my mind? Please, just let me be I have pictures of you So clear in my mind No matter how hard I try It?s all I can find I will only say this once Though it?s not clear in my tone You?re hurting me by being here So please, just leave me alone Written by Short This wazn't actually the next poem but I didn't like how the last few turned out so I'm not sure if I'm gunna put them up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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