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Writing Is It Right?


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Here's my latest poem. Please give as much criticism as you can offer. Be brutal, I'm always looking to improve! :)
Is It Right?
Standing alone under the
I wonder if what I?ve done is right
Wondering now what you think of me
How you?re going to react to me
When you see what I?ve done
Seeing the I did not run

My bloodied hands
Reach up
And touch your face
Wiping away a tear
What I did was right
You always told me to put up a fight

Here I am
In the rain
Screaming away the pain

I was always the quiet one
The shy one
Just having my fun

To everyone I was perfect
They would find
Me in the perfect state of mind
But you saw
What they did not see

You shattered my mask
And suddenly
I was naked
To you
Imperfect to you
Finally real to you!

Now I wonder what your going to think of my
How you?re going to react to me
And, when my life floods the floor,
Are you going to help?

Others tried to break my mask
Get through the wall
And see it all

But they went about it
All the wrong way
Now I don?t even know if I?m here to stay!

Once they saw
That they could not break through
They started
Picking on me
Trying in inflict pain upon me
And making my life a living hell

And so I took my stand
Like you told me too
I fought back
And now I wish
That everything
Could be perfect again

Now I?m in a rut
As I hold my gut
And my life floods the floor

Who knew that it would end like this?
That life was fragile like this?
Everything?s going dark
My hands are numb
And I only wish you would come
Into my arms again

I can feel your warmth
Your touch against my skin
And I can feel your tears
And a vision of all your fears

Here we are
Living a nightmare
Life is so unfair

Then again,
Isn?t it supposed to be?
Nothing matters now
I never committed a crime
But I hold you tight
For the very last time.
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I have a problem with the flow of words. I usually decide if a poem rhymes in the beginning or not. With yours i wasn't sure if it was suppossed to or not. Some pieces sounded like you were trying to rhyme while others just went at their own pace. So yeah......flow. A bit of grammer too.

Nice though.
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