Barra Maral Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Ok, i dont write very good poetry often, so when i do, i like people to know..... This came to me on the bus this morning and i wrote it down in first period. Why must you torture me so? Why wont you just let me know? Why cant you just let me in? You know, being with me isnt a sin... We are alike in almost every way, Or so Ive thought for many a day. Ever since that one night, Ive begun to think im not so right..... Thats it.... i Know its short but everyone says its good so i thought you all might like it.
Valen Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Deep mon, very deeply touching. That is quite the good poem... you should send it in to Poetry.com and get a chance to have it published. That's what I did and it's in Eternal Portraits in the U.S. and some other book coming out in Feb 2004 in Europe.
Barra Maral Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 Hey, thanks..... no i really dont want it all over, its just my sadness comming out and manafesting itself......
Corey Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 [color=003333][size=1]Eternal Poets and the like are pay-to-publish companies. You really don't want to be affiliated with them. You have to pay to have your stuff published and the books aren't half as good as they make them out to be. They'll let anyone in that'll pay. As for the poem, it's definitly good. Though I don't much care for rhyming poems anymore. Line three and four clash a little bit, line four seems a bit drawn out.[/size][/color]
Barra Maral Posted December 13, 2003 Author Posted December 13, 2003 Yes i know they clash a bit, but i didnt change it at all, this is how it came to me.... so i just kept it
SaiyanPrincessX Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 I really enjoyed it. Very short however. I also agree on the last two lines.
Barra Maral Posted December 13, 2003 Author Posted December 13, 2003 Oh, and I guess I had better explain the line "Ever since that one night," before someone comes and gets the wrong idea. Its referrreing to the other night when i asked her out. She is still yet to answer me. That should explain the whole poem to you all.
KarmaOfChaos Posted December 13, 2003 Posted December 13, 2003 [color=deeppink] Short and sweet. =) Unrequieted love is the subject of many a poem. This one was okay, as they go. As long as you got your feelings down on paper, that's the important thing. ;) As for the girl, the best I can say is that with time you'll get over her. Unless you're really weird and just don't when to let it go, like my stalker. Don't be like my stalker. That'd be real uncool. o.o; -Karma [/color]
Corey Posted December 14, 2003 Posted December 14, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Barra Maral [/i] [B]Yes i know they clash a bit, but i didnt change it at all, this is how it came to me.... so i just kept it [/B][/QUOTE] [color=003333][size=1]Then it's perfect. And I'm sorry about the results.[/size][/color]
Barra Maral Posted December 14, 2003 Author Posted December 14, 2003 Yes well i feel so stupid.... because through her i just now found out i was wrong about being wrong.... she likes me but doesnt wanna ruin our friendship......
Hakira Posted December 17, 2003 Posted December 17, 2003 I like it, it has a rythm to it. Write a little book of short poems like that--I'm sure it'll get recognition.
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