Writing Eve's Sorrow

[Patronus]

[size=1][color=blue]Bleh. This is a poem that was practically bursting out my wazzoo (which I didn't even know I had) - [i]when I am having a writer's block.[/i]. It's horrible, so critisize what you will.

[u]Eve?s Sorrow[/u]
Looking into the starry heaven above
A single tear falls down her cheek
She had eternally hurt the man she loved
And brought sin to the world everlasting

He hadn?t talked to her for days
She wanted to say she was sorry
But it was Lucifer and his evil ways
That made her do what she did

She cried night after night
Praying to the heavens in the sky
And wishing that somehow she could make it right
Hoping that there was some forgiveness in His eyes

The apple that had ruined her life
Was rotten and decayed
And brought a world of sorrow and strife
To the woman named Eve[/color][/size]

[Shaun]

Oooo thats really good Zach. I like :p

[wiccansamurai]

I'm sorry, but life/ strife ryhme is way overdone. It was okay other than that. Actually, it could do with more imagery and more feeling. Maybe I'm just brain numb at 2:30 am, but I didn't feel a thing reading this.

[Mitch]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by wiccansamurai [/i]
[B] Maybe I'm just brain numb at 2:30 am, but I didn't feel a thing reading this. [/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1] You're not alone, lol. I'll second you on that notion.

It wasn't [i]horrible[/i], but I didn't feel it was much either. I mean, it's the same story we've all heard, or so it seems.

It's written in a very acute, not straying, not having any emotion, way, and I guess that's what writer's block does to one, lol.

It's commendable you wrote anything, though. I know how hard it is sometimes--and you know what this shows Leh? It shows you are committed to writing. That's what should matter with your posting of this poem.

In fact, I wrote ten poems today, even though around the third or so I wanted to stop, and felt drained. Heh. I'm not gloating at all, I can be a prolific writer if I just allow myself to write; that doesn't mean some of my poems were terrible. I think some of those ten were.

Keep writing, that's all there's to say. :)[/size]