Writing A short story of mine

[Japan]

[FONT=century gothic][COLOR=darkblue][SIZE=1]I was feeling a bit creative tonight, so I wrote a short story. DeathKnight, syk3, Queen Asuka, and Piromunkie helped inspire this. Comments are always welcome. Please tell me what you think.

[i]She looked into the mirror above her white dresser. She banged her red sweaty fists into her thighs, just wanting to feel other pain to get rid of this horrible feeling in her heart. She stood up, and ran outside of the house, not shutting the front door. She walked outside into the dark night. The moon was shining full. She collaped onto the snow. She is starting to feel the cold rush throughout her body. Tears quietly fall down her pale white cheeks. She lost him. He was the most precious person in her life, and now he is gone. He is dead and lost forever. She will no longer see him again. She couldn't take this any longer. Her legs and arms started to feel numb. It was a cold cold night. She looked up towards the sky too see the full moon. She then closed her eyes and went into a very deep sleep.[/i][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[DeadSeraphim]

It's good, I like it. Unless I'm stupid, I'd say she is in mourning, and you have captured the moment nicely. However, in two or three lines you switch from past to present tense. Nothing much to worry about, just my perverse grammatical sense kicking in.

[Patronus]

[size=1][color=blue]That's not a short story... it's a paragraph. It's good though, and good use of discription.[/color][/size]