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Lights, Camera, OWWWW!!!!


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[center]?Lights, Camera, OWWW!!!!?[/center]

?Quiet on the set!? Yelled the director.

?So, my brother said to they guy, ?Yo, Tony, what?re you doin???? One of the actors says.

?AND SHUT YER TRAPS!!!!!!!!!!!? The director screamed.

But his actors wouldn?t shut up!

So, he did what any GOOD Hollywood director would do.

He snuck up behind them, holding his black bag. He put his hand in the bag, and withdrew a pole-like object. You see this pole. It?s got a little forked tip at the end, and a rubber grip at the other. You?re not sure, but?

It looks like a cattle prod.

?OWWW!!!!? Screamed the actor.

Then, the actor fell to the ground, convulsing. Wow. The director actually treated his actor like cattle. But that?s not all the weird stuff he does. No, indeed.

Later, the actor quit. The director was forced to find a replacement.

They were actually able to fine one. This new actor is from Britain. He?s the stiff-upper lip type. He was quite snobbish and he seems that he?s going to be hard to work with. He signed on the dotted line, and was now part of the cast. You are happy. Filming can begin again.

?YEEE HA!!!!!!!!!!!? The director yells, and attacks the new actor. You don?t know what to make of this. The director then grabs both of the actor?s arms, and ties them together. Likewise for the legs. Oh my God, you think to yourself. He hogtied him. You hope that?s all he?s going to do. But, nope. Then the director whips out a giant branding button.


Oh, my God! He?s branded the actor! His initials are now burnt into the skin! This director is insane! Now pandemonium is breaking loose! The crew is running around like chickens with their heads cut off! And what is the director doing???

?STAMPEDE!!!!!!!!? He?s brought out a long piece of rope! What?s he doing, you ask yourself. Oh, no! The director made a lasso? Oh, dear Lord?

?YEEE HA!!!!!!!!!!!? The director just roped himself a gaffer! Oh, my, oh, my!!!

Eventually, the director was arrested.

Turns out, he wasn?t a director at all. He was from some ranch out west.
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That was funny.

In a bizarre, incredible, [i]what the heck[/i] way, that was funny.

[i]Turns out, he wasn?t a director at all. He was from some ranch out west.[/i]

Very bizarre. But I'm still grinning, heh.[/size]
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..... Ha.

The sheer incredulity I felt as reading this piece was enough for me to give this a comment. Harshly put together, this piece reaches it's climax in that last sentence. Wonderful. Very clever and... we walk right into it. Lovely piece there. The harsh grating overtones of it just fall away in that last sentence. Extremely clever.

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"Odd" is the first word that comes to mind....

Knowing you, I'm tempted to suspect that this piece is an incredibly subtle (well, maybe not-so-subtle; I can't claim to have any clue) parody of and/or tribute to..... something.

Regardless of what you intended it to be, it's quite amusing. I especially like how you incorporated the second person into your narrative. My only complaint is that the frequent switching between present and past tense can be a little disorienting.

[quote]It looks like a cattle prod.

?OWWW!!!!? Screamed the actor.[/quote]

Right there, for example, I think that "It looked like a cattle prod" or "Screams the actor" would work better.

[quote]The crew is running around like chickens with their heads cut off![/quote]

A fantastic line, as is the last. Nice (albeit bizarre...) work. ^_^

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